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I don't think my mom wants me to ever move out.

It's been something I've been testing the waters with for a while now. 

I wouldn't say it seriously but just mention it here and there this thing. 

I am 20 years old right now. 

A Uni Student and there isn't much prospect for money in my subject im studying. 

Also jobs are scarce, but I really think I can nab a job part-time. 

I'm a sort of independent type of person.

But I've been casually mentioning to her that I would like to move out when I become financially stable. 

She wouldn't outright say no but in a round about way she would try to dissuade me. 

My mother is not a clingy person, she is by all means very independent. 

But still it seems every time I slightly bring it up she doesn't want to discuss it.

Like she's avoiding it. 

For a long time i have been a pillar for my family. 

I cook, I clean, I mind my younger siblings and help when I can financially. 

...So eventually I would like to start my own path in life, it's only natural when I hit a certain age that I would like to be self sufficient and no longer use up my parents resources. 

I want to move out at least by the time im 28-27 even though it may not be possible it's something I really want. 

My mother keeps saying it's not pathetic to live with your parents and she brings up this word co-living as an adult with your parents. 

But that's just it.. I don't want to be living with my parents by the time im nearly 30.

I 100% am sure that's something I don't want. 

But she is stubborn on insisting on this co-living life-style.

The truth is, I don't want my parents (I only have a mother no father) and my older sister looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. 

I want my life to be ONLY mine. 

I want to go out with my friends even if it's late and not have someone worry over me. 

I want to get a job I WANT and not be swayed by my parents decisions 

AND 

I want to live a life that's about me, for me, of my own choices. 

Parents whether they realise it or not is they will KEEP BEING YOUR PARENT and sometimes they don't know when to switch that off or how to switch it off 

When to start letting their child make their own decisions and trusting that their kid is no longer a kid. 

I love her very much, but if she keeps protecting me from everything eventually I will be a useless adult and a detriment to society. 

I will end up as a big baby still following my mother around like I'm a kid as a grown adult. 

THAT'S EMBARASSING!

I want her to back off a little bit and realise that I can't grow if she's smothering me.

It's like she's a mother bird taping down my wings so I can't leave the nest.

I don't want to end up like my older sister (As harsh as it is) at 27-28 still bothering my mother for money because they have no job and pestering me for food money. 

It's humiliating. 

It's not like I'm moving out by myself, a cousin will also be living with me (we made plans to move out together because we're roughly the same age with the same education and I'm very close to this person we get along very well)

We were going to split the rent on a apartment.

I don't want to be one of those people that end up having their lives taken up by their parents so the parents can live vicariously through their children. 

I want to be me. 

I'm 1000% set on moving out when I can. 

I know that not having a father around made her want to be some sort of super-parent because there was a lot of us...but..she doesn't need to put me first anymore. 

I will work hard so im not a burden on her so ..she can be free of us also, she didn't ask to be a single mother of so many children...I don't want her to have to worry about me anymore. 

I really don't know how to set my boundaries with her, I'm no longer a child. 

Any advice on my next move? Or Advice when it comes to my overbearing mother. 

 

 

 

 

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Re: I don't think my mom wants me to ever move out.

Hey hey,

 

That sounds like such a tough situation, I really hope you can get through this in time!

 

I can definitely relate, I'm also 20, a uni student and still at home, although I kind of want to stay as long as I reasonably can so all my money doesn't have to go to rent hahaha

 

You sound like you've really planned it all out though and its all very nice and reasonable. Maybe writing out a time, money and goal-oriented plan and sitting down with your mum and working through it together could be a good thing? Let her know how you're feeling and that you don't want to be mothered all the time. It sounds like she's just trying to do her best for you, and maybe she just needs to realise that now that you're 20, things have changed and so have you. It also sounds like she's a bit scared of being alone, so maybe just reassure her that you're still gonna be there for her and be her daughter, even if you're not at home 24/7. 

 

I really do wish the best for you and her, hopefully this will all work itself so she finds peace with you being independent. Good luck!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

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Re: I don't think my mom wants me to ever move out.

You're so kind, thank you so much! That's great advice! I don't want to leave her alone either I just want more of my own space. I will still hang out with her and be around her of course. I love her.
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Re: I don't think my mom wants me to ever move out.

yes of course!! That's exactly what I thought. Definitely let her know that, Mums can never get enough of us telling them we love them hehehe

 

Maybe, for when you do move out, you could organise an activity for the both of you to do together once a week?? Like so she knows she's definitely gonna see you all the time and do something fun with her, as well as all the other times I'm sure you'll see her. 

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Re: I don't think my mom wants me to ever move out.

Honestly, it sounds like you're pretty set on what you want to do @YunoGasai. Move out when you feel like you're ready, it is your life after all. Live it the way you want and if that's moving out and living independently or with a roommate, then that's fantastic. It is the basic progression of life. When you're able, financially, you should move out and start your own life.