I'm going through my first ever schizophrenic experience and I'm scared of losing my mind.
Okay, I'm smart, I was really smart, now my mind is racing and I don't know what is real and what isn't. My biological father is schizophrenic, my girlfriend was the only connection I felt with people and she just disappeared and I keep losing what I'm about to say.
It's like the sentence that I'm going to write and say can't be enough to truly explain what my thoughts are, and then I go silent, even to myself. (I'm 17, forgot to say)
I haven't heard voices that much, I seen weird images, is it normal to kind of grasp that this isn't entirely real. I had food poising I think today, my outside person keeps lying and not doing what I want him to do. I thought I was vomiting blood this morning but my mum says it was just the dye of some tablet she gave me, I don't remember her giving me tablets, and even then it was too much blood. But then she washed it, and I went to sleep kinda and I'm feel like I should trust her over my own thoughts.
I don't like that though, I'm smarter than my parents I've always been smarter than my parents, we aren't genetically linked, they're not as smart as me. I'm smarter than my parents, so I shouldn't be like this.
I have this weird electric feeling, like a bug, made of electricity and air, it's more vivid than just 'nerve endings' like my mum tried to explain it, it was a bug and it went into my ear like a vacuum and I couldn't catch it, it was repelled by my hand.
Is there a UK alternative to some like this exactly, I need something like this, I don't think I'm meant to be here.
Comments
Hey @DarkSilver2001, welcome to the forums.
What you're going through right now sounds really frightening. You're not alone, and it's going to be okay.
You're going through a lot right now, would you like to try a breathing exercise? Just breathe in for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and repeat that for a bit.
I'm going to check out some UK sites now.
By the way, I'm also 17. I don't have schizophrenia, but I do have depression with psychotic episodes. I know how frightening the first episode is, but it will be okay.
I can find you a few more resources in a bit.
I'll hear a voice sometimes, and footsteps. Occasionally I'll hear a high pitched beeping, which is mostly just annoying.
Sometimes I'll stop seeing what's actually around me, and I'll see a forest instead.
The carpet sometimes used to look like it was moving, and mirrors looked like liquid.
Occasionally it would look like I was missing a limb, or feel like I was, even though I could still see it.
Sometimes I knew what I was seeing was an illusion, other times I didn't. Sometimes it felt like they were happening in some kind of alternate universe.
I know what you mean about feeling scattered, I think it's a fairly common thing to happen with hallucinations.
One other thing, I've just gotten you the links to a couple of helplines, both are open 24 hours if you need to talk to anyone.
If you're in Australia, you can go here: https://kidshelpline.com.au/
If you're in the UK, you can go here: https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/
If you're not in either country, here's a list of helplines by country: https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/child-helplines/child-helpline-network/
If you live in the UK, Childline has something like this: https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/message-boards/
They're a good website, I've used a couple of their resources.
You're welcome, and that's okay, I've done the same a few times.
