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I need break up advice

This is my first proper break up and I know I should be fine, he seems to be, but I can't stop thinking about it and getting sadder about it and like I'm fairly sure he cheated on me and it feels pretty horrible and I just don't know how to handle these feelings, please help

Re: I need break up advice

Hey @Clementine,

You absolutely don't have to feel or be fine. Break ups are tough and they hurt, and all of the things you've mentioned (him not seeming to be as bothered by it, the possibility that he cheated on you) are also reasons to feel hurt.
Let yourself feel these things because you have every right to.

Are you doing anything to take care of yourself?

Re: I need break up advice

Hey @Clementine welcome to RO and thanks for sharing with us. Breakups can be incredibly difficult so there is no reason to believe that one should be fine. Breakups suck and they hurt a lot especially when we care about the other person a lot and/or if the breakup happened without a real warning. You sound pretty shaken which is totally understandable. Do you have any friends or someone you trust to talk about this? And like @Birdeye asked, can you do anything (even a small thing) to take care of yourself right now?

Re: I need break up advice

Thank you guys, I guess I'm allowed to feel a bit crappy, it just makes me feel pretty pathetic to be effected by it if he's fine. I've talked to my friends but they have never really been in a relationship like mine, one friend dated someone for a couple weeks and they got pretty serious but because it wasn't long, she doesn't really help much, the other one is in a long term relationship but the most they've done is kiss twice and so she doesn't really get it either. They're the only ones I feel comfortable talking to about it because out of my group they're the closest. I'm going for runs and stuff with my dog and I've deactivated Facebook because it was making me cry. I just want to talk it out with him but also I don't want to see him again but also I want to make him hurt like he hurt me but I don't want to be petty as well. I'm feeling a little better after exercising but I'm feeling pretty overwhrlmed

Re: I need break up advice

How are you feeling today @Clementine?

 

All of those conflicting emotions sound completely normal to me - my first break up felt the same.

I really want to commend you on deactivating Facebook and knowing that you need time away from him. It's very hard to do but getting distance and spending time away is honestly one of the best things to do to start getting your feelings back to a better place.

You may not be able to really get any advice from your friends, but they can still make good distractions and company. They're people to hang out with and cry over ice cream and romance movies with - I know it's super cheesy but it actually made me feel a ton better.

Re: I need break up advice

Hey @Clementine break ups really suck. It's totally okay to have conflicting and confusing feelings - you're not pathetic at all, and there's no right or wrong way to feel about tough situations.

 

It sounds like you've already taken some great steps towards healing and looking after your wellbeing. Deactivating Facebook and exercising with your dog are wonderful ways to look after yourself. Could you have a cuddle with your dog when you feel overwhelmed?

 

It can be hard to relate to your friends about this sort of stuff if they haven't had the same kind of relationship experience before. Perhaps they could support you in other ways, like providing some company if you feel like a distraction?

Re: I need break up advice

@Clementine Like everyone else has already said you're allowed to feel however you feel, relationship break ups are hard since you are giving someone your attention and affection in the hopes of getting the same in return and when you break up with someone you can still have those lingering feelings and emotions attached to that person. But the good thing is that those feelings and emotions will pass and you can turn this negative experience into a positive and learn from it for your future relationships ^_^
Like @Birdeye I also want to commend you on realising that you needed to take a step back from FB and have begun to process and reflect how your feeling and talking to others about it. 

Even though it may not feel like it sometimes just being able to talk/rant to someone and just have them listen to you and devote their attention to hearing you out can be so beneficial and just being able to hang out with your friends (even though you may feel they don't completely understand what you're going through) will help you to feel better and eventually get you to a better place with how you're feeling.

Also remember to just take it one day at a time and you'll get to where you want to be and that we're always here to help you and talk through things with you ^_^


So on that note,how's everything going? Has the running and your dog been helping you?