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I need help being a partner of a gambler.

I am worried about my partner and his gambling. He had recently admitted to having an addiction and that he now needs to stay away for a while but I don’t feel as though he is taking his addiction seriously. I’m not sure he truly understands the seriousness of it. 

What are things I can do to help educate him? 

For example, he thinks having a few weeks break is a cure. I am not downplaying his achievement to resist for a few weeks, I really mean that he seems to think it’s fine now and he doesn’t need any more help. He was gambling for many, many years, lost a lot of money and even spent my money on gambling without my knowledge and I am in debt. 

Am I right in thinking that it takes ALOT longer to be in ‘remission’ I guess? I’m not sure of the correct terminology.

Any advice is welcomed Smiley Happy I just want to be a loving and supportive partner but also be informative and educational as well during this times I want to give him the best shot at this as possible and I can’t do that if we don’t know enough.

Re: I need help being a partner of a gambler.

Hi @Lala2015,

 

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for letting us know what is happening with your partner. I can hear from your post how much love you have for your partner and how much you want to help him with his recovery Heart We are here for you!

 

Recovery from addiction is a process and it sounds like your partner might be looking to give up or reduce his gambling even for a short time, is this correct? That's a huge first step! Education about gambling addiction and recovery sounds like a really great first step to help you both move forward and towards a healthier lifestyle. Have you found any resources so far that have been helpful for you?

 

I would really encourage you to see what is out there for support and education for both yourself and your partner. Smart Recovery Australia offer peer support based groups to help those recovering from addiction to have a safe space to share the journey with others going through similar things.

 

We also have some resources on the ReachOut website you might find helpful here and gambling help online here.

 

I can imagine that the stress of being in debt must also be having an impact on your wellbeing too. Do you have any people you lean on for support at this moment?

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Re: I need help being a partner of a gambler.

Hi there,

 

Thank you very much for your response.

 

We don’t have a whole lot of support because he doesn’t want anyone to know. Therefore I am unable to reach out to my own friends for advice.

He has mentioned it to some of his family and friends but the closest ones aren’t being understanding enough. 

 

I’m not sure he has a plan. He knows he has a problem but he doesn’t know what to do about it. He doesn’t really know what he has to do to make it better. He knows that it’s a problem and it needs to slow down. I’m afraid that he doesn’t understand quite how serious it is. We have a family and we need responsibility.

 

I haven’t so far found any resources to help. I was hoping I could find something to show him. 

 

I personally don’t think that a month or two of not gambling is enough time to say that he is ready to gamble responsibly after over a decade of an addiction. Which is sort of what he thinks ok.

I guess I’m looking for guidance on an action plan. 

 

Im not trying to sound harsh but I’m genuinely worried and I don’t want a relapse either.

 

Re: I need help being a partner of a gambler.

It's understandable that your partner may not be ready to share this with anyone yet @Lala2015. Unfortunately, many people seeking support for addiction issues or mental health still feel a great deal of shame about their experience and this can kind of block us from reaching out and getting the support we need. But please know there are confidential support options out there, including telephone or online counselling or Gamblers Anonymous.

 

One of the links @Jess1-RO provided was for gambling help online and this may be a great place to start for your action plan. They offer have some fantastic info about readiness for changemaking a change; taking a step forward and support for people who are supporting someone experiencing problem gambling. So perhaps it's worth checking out the site with your partner? Do you think he would do that with you?

 

 

Re: I need help being a partner of a gambler.

I will check them out myself then I’ll offer to show him. I can predict that he will probably ignore the offer as he doesn’t think he needs any help but maybe if I give him the links he will consider it in his own time. I can only hope Smiley Happy 

Re: I need help being a partner of a gambler.

That sounds like a good idea @Lala2015 and make sure you check out the link about getting support for yourself, as this means that you're not only supported but if he does come to you with questions, you'll have an idea of how to best support him in his recovery Heart

Re: I need help being a partner of a gambler.

Perfect! Thank you that’s exactly what I need.

thank you for your help.