I need help.
I find myself going back into the dark place I tried my hardest to leave, I had a teams meeting scheduled for yesterday, and took it at work as it was for me, now Mum and Dad are pissed with me because I wasn't home for my sister to be apart of it. Tho Mum said last night, it's up to me what I do. I'm frustrated as dad's always gotta have it his way no matter how it affects me. I checked in with my colleague just before 10 to use a spare staff room for my meeting for an hour, it was to get help writing my VIS. As I was nearing the end (like 10-15 mins) dad was texting, mum spam calling and the worst part is,it was with a solicitor and crown prosecutor after all. At the time they'd left so just the WAS officer and I. I feel awful informing her about Mum n dad because then we finished early and I have to get my VIS done ASAP. So it won't be as long as I've been hoping for. Afterwards I was in till sometime after 11 freaking out, left to check on the kids and act normal and was doing fine until the same colleague I checked in with, asked if I was ok, I ofc said yes she knew I wasn't n came over then I broke down Infront of her,she gave me water after I briefly mentioned it was smth with court/the meeting just prior. She let the centre manager know and we went to the staff room and talked,she asked if I was safe and if she could call someone or drop me off but I felt safest there so I stayed, she for a while and then came back with the centre manager asking the same things I asked if they could contact a police officer for me as he offered. And I believe they talked to another colleague of mine as he apparently knows a little. I hope that makes sense and I'll update on Monday...
PS this happened YESTERDAY at work.
Comments
Hi @Anonymous_Owl - thank you for reaching out again with an update.
That sounds like such a lot to be carrying and I am really sorry you are feeling this way. It makes so much sense that everything is feeling overwhelming right now but I just want to remind you that you are doing something really brave. Even if it feels like your parents do not fully understand it sounds like your colleague and centre manager really care about you and want to support you. You are not alone in this.
I completely get why you are feeling upset about your VIS not being as long as you had hoped especially when you have put so much thought and effort into it. Something that helped me during a tough time was writing a version just for myself where I could say everything I needed to without any limits or pressure. It was just for me and that made a difference. But I also know how exhausting this process can be so only do what feels right for you.
It is also really important to recognise the signs that you are going to that dark place again and check in with yourself to try to protect yourself and manage your emotions. I know I am struggling when I start slacking on my self care or avoiding my hobbies. So I have things in place to help me feel a bit more grounded again. This can be as small or as big as you want. For me taking a walk around the neighbourhood, playing games on my phone (Tetris has been really helpful) or making a nice meal for myself makes a difference. It does not fix everything but it helps me feel a little more connected to myself.
Please be gentle with yourself. You are dealing with so much and that is not easy. When things feel too much I try grounding exercises to help settle my mind. There is also an app called Mello that has guided exercises for grounding and managing overwhelming thoughts. I have found it helpful when I need something to hold onto. Some days will feel harder than others and that is okay. Taking things one moment at a time is enough. Even if it does not feel like it you are moving forward.
You mentioned that you worked really hard to leave that dark place before. Maybe it could help to think about what got you through it last time. Were there small things that helped even just a little? Sometimes reconnecting with those things can bring a little light back in.
You deserve kindness and support and I really hope you can be gentle with yourself right now. You are not alone in this and you will get through it.
Hey @starhlights
Thank you so much for your kindness and for taking the time to write this. It really means a lot. You're right it does feel like a lot to carry, and some days it just feels heavier than others. But hearing that I’m not alone in this is really comforting, even if it’s hard to fully believe sometimes.
I appreciate the idea of writing a version of my VIS just for myself. It was actually suggest by dad 2-3 months ago now but I mentioned it to hithe end of last yr and he acted cluless annoyed and confused when he said "you could write a seperate VIS for us and grandma can come over" but denies it now. I still think that could be very helpful, especially since there’s so much I still want to say. It’s frustrating feeling like I didn’t get everything out the way I wanted, but maybe having a space where there are no limits could help me process it better.
I also really relate to what you said about recognizing when you’re slipping back into a dark place. I know I’ve been struggling more lately, and I think I do tend to shut down and isolate when things feel too overwhelming. I’ll try to pay more attention to that and find small things to ground myself again, even if it’s just something simple like listening to music or going for a walk. I’ll also check out the Mello app you mentioned, it sounds like something that could be helpful when my thoughts start spiraling.
It’s just been a lot, and I think I forget to be patient with myself sometimes. But I really appreciate your support and the reminder to be gentle with myself. It helps more than you know.
Take care!💙
@Anonymous_Owl Of course, I am really glad you feel some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this. It is important to remember that there are many people rooting for you, and even though it can feel really isolating sometimes, there is a whole community here that believes in you. I am really proud of you for continuing to put yourself first and take the steps that you feel will help.
I am sorry to hear about how your dad reacted. That must have been really frustrating. I know how hard it can be when you share something that you think could help, and instead of support, you are met with dismissal or confusion. It is really tough to navigate, but at the end of the day, you have the right to make choices that are best for you. You know yourself better than anyone, and it is okay to create the space that you need, even if others don't understand it.
You have been through an incredibly difficult experience, but despite it all, you are rising above it and doing something incredibly brave. I really admire that. Please know that even on the days when it feels too much, your strength is clear. You are doing the best you can, and that in itself is something to be proud of 🌷
I’m really sorry you’re going through this—it sounds like an incredibly overwhelming and painful situation. You did something important for yourself by attending that meeting, and it’s frustrating and unfair that your parents made you feel guilty about it. You have every right to make decisions that help you, especially when it comes to something as serious as your VIS.
It makes sense that you’re feeling pulled in so many directions—trying to do what’s best for yourself while also dealing with your parents' expectations and the pressure they’re putting on you. The way they reacted, with the spam calls and texts, must have made an already stressful situation feel so much worse. And on top of that, having to hold it together at work, only to break down when someone showed kindness—that's completely understandable. You’ve been carrying so much, and it makes sense that it all became too much in that moment.
I’m really glad your colleague and manager were there for you and that they took you seriously. It was so strong of you to reach out to the police officer when you needed that extra support. Even if things didn’t go exactly as planned, you still advocated for yourself, and that’s huge. Please don’t be too hard on yourself about your VIS—you’re doing your best under really tough circumstances, and that’s enough.
You deserve to feel safe and supported, and I really hope you’re able to take even a small moment for yourself this weekend to breathe and process everything. If you ever need to talk, vent, or just have someone listen, I’m here. You’re not alone in this. 💙
Hi @Anonymous_Owl,
I want to take a moment to thank you for your post, it can be a very challenging thing to do especially when you open up and disclose personal things that are happening for you. You should be so proud of yourself for your strength and courage it's incredible to see 🙂
From what i have read i can see that this has been a lengthy process for you and i can imagine that it can get really overwhelming, i want you to know that it's ok to feel that though the world is on your shoulders. You're only human and no one should ever deserves to experience these things and it's truly inspiration to hear your story and again i want to say thank you.
From what i have read i can see that your parents might be placing a lot of pressure onto you currently, and i can imagine that can feel draining. I also want you to know that nothing is your fault and it's so important that during this time you are looking after your own well-being.
I'm wondering if you have any self-care you like to do that might help when things are getting a lot? this could be anything and i thought i might provide a page ReachOut has on Self-Care.
I want to provide you with this article ReachOut has on dealing with pressure from your parents.
I want you to now that the community is always here from you, no matter what may be happening for you in your life 🙂
Hey @Zig_RO
I want to start by thanking you for sending through the articles, I'll look at them shortly! and I did reply to your comment but smth happened and I don't think it went through,so my apolagies for that.
Thank you for helping me feel heard, it truly helps and I'm extremely appreciative to have this awesome community apart of my journey.
I guess but it doesn't really help, I like walking, colouring, taking showers but no matter what I do my thoughts and feeling come back straight away.
Thank you again, It's just a lot and difficult to comprehend. Take care!
Hey @Anonymous_Owl
This was such a lovely reply! It is so good to hear that you are feeling heard and supported in the community. It sounds like things have been really tough for you lately but I am really glad that you have found our community. We are all here to listen and support you as much as we can 💜
Just wanted to let you know that we sent you an email yesterday to check in with you. Could you please respond to that email when you can?
Hey @Bailey_RO
Thank you for your thoughtful reply!
Sorry I haven't gotten around to my emails yet, I'll do that right now. Thank you again.😊
