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I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

I have been dating my current boyfriend for around 2 years. During this time he has never had a fulltime job. During the start of our relationship he had just broken up with his previous girlfriend and was moving out of their apartment. He had to move back home with his parents due to lack of finances/job. I am not at all phased about him living with his parents, however he is now at a stage where living there is causing harm to our relationship and the one with his family. 

 

We both suffer from depression/anxiety. He sees a therapist but not consistently ( maybe a few times a month). Previously he has seen doctors, life coaches, psychologists etc and nothing has helped. His family disapprove of his love of video games and are always telling him to "Just move out/get a job". His self esteem is incredibly low and he often says he wishes he could just go to sleep and never wake up. I feel like his family/therapist are not helping and are instead worsening the situation.

 

I have looked for jobs for him, gone to see his therapist with him and have leant him large amounts of money (which are still yet to be paid back). I sacrifice a lot of my time trying to do things to cheer him up or do things to help him out. Yet nothing is working. In the whole 2 years of us being together, I have seen no improvment in his motivation/moods. I have never once seen him on a job sight or go into a workplace looking for a job. He is in h is room 24/7 playing video games. I am tired and I want something to change. He thinks he is a worthless failure.

Having depression/anxiety myself, I understand where all this fear and sadness is coming from, and i can also see the point of view of his family. How do I help someone who doesn't want to be helped? What can I do to help him find his motivation/happiness again? I have thought about leaving but am worried that will make things worse. I love him, he is my best friend, but nothing i do is helping. 

Can anyone give me any advice? 

 

 

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey @GraceInSpace93

 

It sounds like you have found yourself in a bit of a pickle when it comes to your boyfriend. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do for him if he doesn’t want the help. The advice that I can give you is not to not force the topic on him or pressure him to seek help.

 

I know it can be frustrating, because you care for him and you want him to get better. But he has to want to get better; otherwise everything is pointless and may cause more damage than good. Please have a look at our factsheet on this topic.

 

Of course, you said yourself that you are worried that he might be suicidal. If you are concerned for his safety, then seek help immediately. You can call suicide call back service on 1300 65 94 67. Don’t be afraid to call emergency services if need be.

 

Are you looking after yourself and wellbeing? You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first and choose what you think is right for you. Whatever you decide to do, just know that his actions are not your fault.

 

Take care and let us know how things go,

 

stonepixie


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey there @GraceInSpace93,

I have been on both sides of this equation - the person with depression who stays in their room gaming all the time, and the person with a depressed partner who I was really worried about and really wanted to help. And I pretty much have to agree with @stonepixie - you can't make someone change. The only person you can change in this situation is yourself. 

You mentioned feeling frustrated and wanting a change. Would it help to think about things that you could change or do differently, so you don't feel so frustrated and helpless in this situation? Are there things you like doing, or friends you like seeing, but you haven't been able to because you've been spending time with your boyfriend? How about doing some of those things? If you are focusing on doing things that you care about, that might lessen your frustration and help make the time you do spend with him more enjoyable. Let us know what you think. Smiley Happy

 

blithe

 

 

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

honey sometimes it's hard to no whether your doing the right thing or not, but you must take care of yourself, as your energy is being consumed by helping him all the time, it can get very tiring. Sometimes you need to take time out for yourself, as you are the most important person, you must remember that. If your a caring person that can be your weakness not a strength.

All I can say is be careful. You need time for you also as if you don't spend sometime out for yourself, it can take yu down as well

 

 

 

 

good luck

i will pry for you.

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey @GraceInSpace93, I just wanted to check back in to see how things are going. How are things? Do you need anymore advice? How is your wellbeing?


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey @GraceInSpace93,

 

I think your in a really tough situation. It must be so overwhelming for you wanting to help someone who is reluctant to take the help. Do you have some goals for your relationship? After all, it takes 2 to tango right?? 

 

Here to help,

 

Lahna

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey @Lahna, tbh I just want him to be happy. I honestly dont care if he has a job or no money or lives with his parents. All I care about is that he takes even the smallest steps to being happy again.

He LOVES videogames, tech and computers. Even if he just joined a club or met some new people with similar interests would make me happy.

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey @stonepixie , Thanks for the support. I'm ok, bit anxious/stressed but I'll be ok.

Would you have any advice on how to talk to his parents/family? I really feel that they are not doing enough to help my boyfriend and they constantly make him feel worthless. WHat can i say to make them understand and not offend them?

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hmm ... That's a tough one, @GraceInSpace93. I'm not overly great when it comes to relationship advice, but if I was placed in a similar situation, I would probably sit down and have a chat with his family about their expectations. Talk about that in relation to mental health and perhaps show them some fact sheets like the one I linked you earlier on what to do when someone doesn't want help.

Other than that, I am completely at a loss, just like you. Sorry I can't be of much more help.

My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: I think my boyfriend might be suicidal. Please help!

Hey @GraceInSpace93,

 

I think @blithe's comment that you are the only thing you can change in this situation was on the money. You can't make your boyfriend look for a job or see another specialist as much as you can't make his parents more understanding. You have been able to bring direct experience (and therefore understanding) with depression and anxiety to the relationship, and that is not to be underestimated for its capability to help a loved one. It is often the most precious thing you can give.

 

Did you get a chance to think about the things you could change? You mentioned you feel that you sacrifice a lot of your time to help him but is there anything you could do outside the relationship just for yourself?