It has been a while
Hi I havent been on here in ages i guess i have had a lot going on i was in hospital for a long time and then it has been hard trying to get back to doing things especially after what happened in hospital anyway i am really struggling at the moment i dont even know where to begin but everything is falling apart i am struggling with uni and struggling to take care of myself and struggling to do even basic things like shower and feed myself i dont even know what to do anymore nothing is working and i am exhausted i just feel completely lost.
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 i am sorry i just disappeared if you see this i hope you are doing ok.
Sorry I have been gone again I went to my depot appointment and was kind of ambushed they made me see the psych instead and they said I had to go to the hospital and I only just got out of hospital yesterday anyway I know I will have to leave here in a few weeks but thought I would at least explain why I disappeared again.
I'm so sorry it's been so tough. You aren't alone. I hope you feel a little better soon.
Hey @Eden1717
It's good to hear from you! Thank you for the update and for letting us know.
Just wanted to check in with you to see how you're feeling now?
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 well it isnt just my psychologist saying i am manic anymore so idk what to think.
ok so i had a huge week this week so much has been happening i had my tribunal hearing and they put me on another order which sucks and then this morning my cm rocks up at my house with no warning didnt even call or send a text saying she was coming and i was really mad and she was like we are here to give you your depot and like no way they can just show up like that and pull this crap so long story short i shut the door on them and then they left and then i get a message saying i have to come in for my depot on monday and then tonight i got a call from the crisis team and they insisted on coming to see me face to face tomorrow even though i didnt want to see them and so now idk what is happening apperantly my cm called them to check on me over the weekend and like what the frick for i havent done anything is being happy and not sleeping a crime like i told them i was fine because i am fine everything has been great until they started trying to interfere and like ugh they keep saying they are concerned but i havent done anything i am not trying to hurt myself or anyone else i am just not sleeping and singing a lot and have big plans for the world but that isnt a crime i am fine ugh this whole thing is messed up they are literally just pushing so hard because they know i am starting to get my powers back and they dont want me to be able to use them.
@Eden1717 That makes sense not knowing what to think- whether to trust your own or others judgement. Oh gosh that sounds so violating having your CM show up without any warning and wanting to administer your depot. I don't even blame you for wanting her to leave you alone! And okay I was with you about there being nothing wrong with being happy and not sleeping (well the not sleeping is probably not so good) up until you said you've got big plans for the world and were getting powers back... I'm a little concerned about what you could mean by that? I'm glad you're safe though. I'm not sure about your treating team showing concern because they don't want you to get powers. How is uni going? (I think you're still studying right?)
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 uni is going ok mostly well at least i have been handing in something but idk if i will pass idk evrything is a bit weird tonight for some reason in the last hour or so i have just felt like crying and idk why everything is very all over the place and idk i am supposed to be getting my depot tomorrow or at least that is what they told me in the text they sent and i dont want to go at all and idk if i can do it in the first place but i am scared if i miss it again i will get the police called on me and i really dont want that idk what to do i feel so weird tonight too like i really dont know what is going on anymore.
Hey @Eden1717
I'm sorry to hear things are feeling weird for you just now, with everything going on I can understand why you'd be feeling like that. Hopefully seeing your CM and getting your depot today will make things feel a bit more manageable.
Great to hear uni is going well for you at the moment though! Is there anything you're working on or learning about in particular at the moment?
Hi @Eden1717,
I'm really, really sorry that you have had such a difficult week, and that all of this is happening right now!
Thank you for keeping us posted, and letting us know that you're feeling safe - We very much appreciate it 💛
You're in a very difficult situation, and I can understand how this whole thing is very stressful and frustrating for you. Do you feel like watching anything on iview or listening to some music would help, even if its just for an hour or so?
ok so idk what to do i feel strange and like i am not sure if i should believe people or not like so my psych has said the last 2 times i saw them (that is psychologist not psychiatrist i havent seen the psychiatrist in a while) anyway they said i was manic and then i mentioned that to my support worker today and she said she had been thinking the same thing for the last 2 ish weeks and like i just idk i really cant tell like i do feel good mostly although sometimes i have been really irritable but like mostly it is good and idk i just cant tell if i just feel good or if it is something more than that. i just dont know what to do.
Hey @Eden1717,
It's really good that you were able to ignore that stuff that was happening with the other mental health forum, so give yourself a lot of credit for that, it shows that you had the strength to rise above such negative and stigma-based beliefs 💜
What sort of things have made you feel good and what has made you feel irritable over the past 2ish weeks? Maybe by writing these things out it can help to clarify how you have been feeling.
Is there something nice that you can do for yourself today? 🌻
idk what is making me feel what way exactly like i am just having a lot of feelings i guess. as for nice things hmm i am not sure i have been watching some stuff on abc iview and listening to music and stuff so that has been nice i guess
Hey @Eden1717 I'm sorry about the stuff that was happening on the other forum and it makes sense you were feeling angry. The fact it was on your thread as well...
How do you feel about your psych saying you seem manic? The irritibility and wondering about whether you're feeling good or whether it's something else both sound stressful 😞 While being aware of warning signs of mania sounds quite important I imagine being on the lookout for something wrong whenever you felt happy would be exhausting?
Ugh I just got sucked into a debate and the other people in it are perpetuating a lot of stigmatized beliefs about psychosis and it is actually quite upsetting especially coming from a mental health forum like they keep referring to psychotic people as inherently more violent than other people and all these other things which just aren't true and idk what to do they started this debate on a thread I made that was about something completely unrelated and I keep getting notifications and idk I just I want them to stop.
Hey @Eden1717
Thanks for sharing. I'm really sorry to hear that people are saying some untrue and hurtful things on your thread. I can understand why this would be upsetting and difficult to read. You are there to get support and connect with others and so being involved in a debate that is full of stigma must be really difficult. You mentioned that you keep getting notifications - is there any way to unsubscribe from the thread? Can you tag moderators in the thread or report the thread?
I know you made this post last night so I wanted to check in on you - how are you going after experiencing that last night?
I ended up asking the other people to post on another thread and then also tagged a moderator but the moderator still hasnt replied so idk if they are even going to help. I am ok today i am still feeling a little weird about it all like idk it is just it was unexpected and i guess i am still processing but yeah i will be ok.
Hey @Eden1717 I'm so sorry to hear that this happened, that sounds really horrible. Getting all those notifications would have made it so much harder too, so I can certainly understand why you would have wanted it to stop. Were you able to find a way to turn off the notifications at all?
I also want to say well done on recognising how much of an impact this was having on you and for doing your best to remove it. I think that is such a huge thing to do and you should be really proud of yourself!
I'm glad to hear that you're feeling okay though, despite everything that happened. I just want you to know that what you're feeling is valid and it's okay if you need some time to process it all.
Have you got any exciting plans coming up? 💜
no i am still not sure how to turn of notifications and the modererator still hasnt replied yet either but another person joined the conversation and tagged me despite me asking people to stop doing that and ugh i just want it to go away already i just dont understand why so many people have this same attitide about psychosis it isnt fair at all. as for exciting plans not really just going to watch some stuff on netflix probably and then eventually go to bed lol although i havent been doing that until like 8am recently so we will see what ends up happening.
That sounds really frustrating @Eden1717 I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. I wonder if maybe the moderator could help you to turn the notifications off, do you think they might be able to help? That really sucks that they haven't gotten back to you yet though and that someone else has joined the conversation. Is there something else you could do tonight to distract yourself a little bit?
Watching Netflix sounds really fun though! What are you watching at the moment? I must admit that I haven't watched anything in a while. Though I definitely get excited anytime The Office pops up on TV 😇
yeah i have just been ignoring it tonight otherwise it will just make me angry, um tv well i was just watching some stuff on abc iview actually i watched that "first day" show and then started watching mallory towers which is kind of fun to watch but now idk if i want to go back to watching a korean drama for a while i really dont know.
@Courtney-RO idk how i feel about the psych leaving soon i mean i knew he wouldnt be here long anyway so it is what it is i dont feel strongly either way.
I am feeling really weird today and super super agitated and irritable and i keep losing it over the tinniest things and i am not getting to sleep until after 8am and i am struggling to do literally anything i need to shower tonight but i dont think i will be able to and i cant seem to get any uni work done and i just i want to scream and there is a lot of other stuff going on and i keep thinking they put something in my head and are trying to control me with it but it is glitching and it is complicated and i just i am trying i really really am but so much is going on and i cant seem to settle and i am so fed up. everything is too much.
Hey @Eden1717
Sorry to hear the you're having to swap psychs, and having such a rough time with everything that is going on for you right now. You're showing so much strength and courage despite such difficult circumstances - which is Awesome! 💜💛💚
I'm studying at Uni as well right now, and I totally get how hard it is to get going with assignments and stuff! It's good to know that I'm not the only one 😊
Have you tried any of those study music things on YouTube? I find some of them are ok but others are really weird! I'm curious to get another opinion, so please let me know what you think, or let me know if you have any other music that peps you up a bit 🎶
I also sent you an email, so please keep an eye out for that.
yeah i have tried listing to those music things and sometimes they are ok but yeah it depends what mood i am in.
Hey @Eden1717 I'm sorry to hear about how tribunal went and that your CM is so unhelpful 😞 Is there anyway you can apply for a new one? Has your sleep still been pretty bad? I'm sorry things are so stressful atm 😞 Has anything been helpful?
I’m glad to hear that the music is sometimes helpful for you 🎵 I’ve read through some of your previous posts and I’m really sorry to hear what you have been going through in recent months.
I know you mentioned that you have been struggling to do a lot which is so understandable. I know that Dem mentioned study music and I thought I would also include some study apps that could also be useful. Studying and trying to balance everything can be overwhelming enough without the added stress of what you are going through. Despite all this, you continue to keep pursuing your goals and supporting others within the community. It really shows just how much strength you have.
I know that you also mentioned that you have been having trouble sleeping as well. Do you have any strategies that have helped you sleep in the past? If you wanted some more tips or to try, this article has some really good ideas for getting a good nights sleep that might be helpful.
It is great to hear that you’ve been watching Korean dramas – do you enjoy listening K-pop as well? There are quite a few BTS fans in the community at the moment.
