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Lost and confused

Sorry guys.

These last two days I just feel like nothing is going right for me. I've been to the doctors and spoke to him about cancelling my masectomy but I know it's the wrong thing to do. I'm trying to talk to my friend about it but she just keeps saying she doesn't know how to help. Which is understandable but when I tell her that's fine rather than you feel bad for not being able to help I'll just cut down on what I say to you- but then she just goes off at me and says noo that's not what I want.
I'm so confused right now i don't know what my life is supposed to be like I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or how I'm supposed to act.
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Re: Lost and confused

Hey Talitha,

 

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment. It sounds like you're feeling exactly as your title says.

Trying to work out the answers to life is massive undertaking. Those question will do your head in!

And trying to help a friend who is trying to help you can be very tricky as well. It's possible she feels overwhelmed by it but doesn't want you to know. She might be getting angry as a way of expressing her anxiety. Is there anyway you could put her at ease? What about thanking her for the support she's able to give instead of trying to teach her new ways, which she might perceive as saying 'you're not doing it good enough'?

 

How would you feel about that?

 

In regards to your masectomy, are you getting the suppport and advice you need from health professionals?

 

 

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Re: Lost and confused

@NigioC

Hey.
It is very hard.
I always say thankyou for all the support that she had given me. Honestly if it wasn't for her I don't know what I would have done.
An I do often say if you would rather me not talk to you about it you can just let me know I do understand it's hard for you as you don't know what to say.
But she always says no it's fine. But the messages she sends me speak for themselves like she doesn't want to help me.

I'm getting the help I need. Although I'm thinking of telling him I don't want to do it he always supports me through everything
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Re: Lost and confused

Hi @Talitha93 ,

 

It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time with this masectomy. It might be that your friend is just confused and maybe even anxious for you, and she wants to be there for you but her emotions are showing and making it difficult for her to be 100% there for you. 

Maybe she's worried that she doesn't know how to help you? Sometimes when a loved one is going through a difficult time a person may not know how to react. They might not also get that all a person wants sometimes is someone to listen to them, and want to do physical things to try and make the situation easier.

It might be a good idea to have an honest talk with her about how she feels about everything. Judging from the way she's reacting to you trying to get her to be less hard on herself, it might be tough, and if you don't feel up to it don't feel like you have to do it. Perhaps starting out by talking about your feelings and asking her to just listen could be a good starting point? This is just my two cents though.

Good luck with everything, and keep us posted!!

 

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Re: Lost and confused

@Talitha93  It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate! When you find yourself going through stressful times, it can help to keep your thoughts measured and succinct. For example, if your considering whether or not to have a masectomy, don't worry about how your friend is reacting! (It's not her masectomy)

 

Regarding your masectomy, I would encourage you to make a decision and stick with it.  This might help to get rid of some of the stress involved in flip-flopping between decisions.  Out of interest, why are you having a masectomy?

 

Also, make a decision of whether or not you will continue to involve your friend in the decision process.  If she doesn't like it and finds the whole thing uncomfortable then perhaps stop asking her (of course, I have no idea how she feels and this will come from your own judgement).

 

Don't concern yourself about what your life is 'supposed' to be right now, those types of questions (a) will just add to the stress, and (b) your goals in life change as you grow, mature and have new experiences.  Focus on one thing at a time

 

I think you're really brave for all of this and let us know how it's all going!

 

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Re: Lost and confused

Hey @Talitha93.  I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling confused. I think that's normal considering all the big changes you're going through.

 

You mentioned that your friend says she doesn't know how to help. Could you tell her in a way that encourages the kind of support you need? For example, you could tell her that she's a great listener and, even though it doesn't always lead to a solution, you really appreciate being able to talk to her. Or when you're out together, you could let her know that you really enjoy spending time together doing fun things, that it takes your mind off the big issues for a little while. She might be feeling helpless and letting her know that just being there for you is a big help could ease that. Do you think that might help?

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Re: Lost and confused

Hey @tsnyder
Thanks for the support and the help. I know I shouldn't worry about what others think and just think of myself a
I'm sticking to one decision and that's all

@Topaz
I haven't messaged my friend In two days an she hasn't messaged me so that could only mean one thing right.? I don't want to message her. I just think if she cared wouldn't she message me to say hi.
I have said to her many times before I'm glad I have you to talk to even if you don't know how to help you just listen to me no matter what.
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Re: Lost and confused

Hi @Talitha93,

You haven't messaged your friend in two days either - but it's not because you don't like her! So don't assume that if you haven't heard from her in two days, she doesn't like you! Space can be good. Sometimes it's hard when you're sick or going through something really terrible, because friendships can get stuck where both people feel like all they do is talk about that problem.

Can you do something nice for your friend that doesn't require her to do or say anything back - like just write her a note or leave a flower somewhere she'll find it? Something that lets her know you care, but doesn't involve a conversation. Does that make sense?

Have a good weekend. Smiley Happy

 

blithe