My Brother Was Abusive
My older brother was an abusive asshole and always threatened people when he raised his voice, and I was his personal abuse bag. He would pick up things and threaten to throw them at me, whenever I tried to stand up for myself or even if I would put the lid on a jar of peanut butter wrong. Like he would fly off the rails at anything and everything. So now whenever a male guy raises his voice or touches me in any way I freak out. It scares the living fuck out of me. I used to count his steps when I was in my room, hoping to fucking God he wouldn't come in my room. I was 11. Now I'm shit scared of a lot of men, it's not even really about them in a lot of ways it's the damage my older brother and father left behind. Obviously I can't completely rule out the male gender that's ridiculous.But do you have any handy tips on how to deal with this? Or help move past such traumas?
Comments
Hi @ScaryCereal,
Thank you for being brave and opening up to us.
It sounds like you've gone through a very challenging time and I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through such trauma 😞
Have you ever tried to speak to someone at Lifeline on 13 11 14?
I also found this page on Lifeline about Family and Domestic Violence which I hope might be useful.
There's also 1800 Respect on 1800 737 732.
I hope this helps you, please keep us updated on your situation, we're always here to have a chat.
Hey @ScaryCereal, that sounds like a really scary and traumatic situation to come from, I'm really sorry to hear that you went through all that. You mentioned in another thread that you'd moved out already, which is a great first step!
I don't think I can really give you a lot of personal advice, but I think talking to a professional about it is a good place to start. Even if you talk to a GP, they can potentially get you in touch with other professionals who specialise in abuse-related traumas. Also, since you've lived with the abuse for a while, it might also take a while to overcome or just learn to cope with all of the effects of it.
Hopefully other people have some advice as well!
Hi @ScaryCereal I'm really sorry to hear about your ordeal. That must have been very difficult to go through.It sounds like you aren't around your brother or father anymore which is very good.
Moving past trauma takes time and self-compassion. Are you seeing a counselor or a psychologist currently? Finding a good professional to have ongoing sessions would be one of the main things you can do to heal this trauma and the its impact (including fearing men). Along with this, there are many different strategies and tools you can use to help yourself during the times you are not in session with the counselor such as mindfulness techniques (you can use meditation apps), regular exercise, eating well, connecting with others, taking up hobbies, walks in nature, volunteering etc.
The main objective of healing is to build a strong relationship with yourself. The hurt, terrified inner child in you needs a strong, loving adult to take care of it and not be abandoned. When you slowly and gradually learn to take care of yourself and start nurturing your inner child, you build a strong foundation in yourself and know your boundaries. You learn how to protect yourself and as a result you fear other people less.
I hope this helps a little. There could also be support groups in your area for people who've lived through trauma. Maybe you can search for this online and see if there are resources like this?
