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Nervous about re-starting school

Phew.. so.. prepare yourself for some nervous rambling.

 

My mental health is... non-existent. Like health? What health?

Anyway.

 

Over the last year and a bit I haven't been going to school.

Like, I haven't been skipping it, I just haven't been able to.

 

Anyway I'm doing a course this year at my high school.

Just one rather than the usual six. It's conservation and it's something I'm interested in and I'm excited but also freaking the hell out. (and.. stuttering over text apparently.. which I've edited out to make this readable).

 

Like fear of failure + a thing that's easy to fail at in so many ways equals a very panicked Tiny Leaf.

And panic increases my chance of failure which increases my fear of failure which increases my panic so mentally I've just been slowly spiraling into an increasingly panicked state.

 

Anyway does anyone know how I can prepare myself for this terrifying thing/ how I can cope with my feelings of terror?

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

hey @Tiny_leaf first of all well done in enrolling in a course! I think its great your giving it ago.
one thing that I find helps me when it comes to school and studying is to be organised as much as I can.
most schools give out a subject list which also has what your required to bring ie laptop, pens etc.
if im organised and I have everything that I need and sometimes extras like highlighters, textas coloured pencils etc along with having backpacks you like it can ease some anxiety as you know that you are prepared. having the correct uniform etc helps you to fit in as well. perhaps start with those sorts of things and see if it helps abit?
I find doing something (ie even looking at school books etc or making an equipment/to do list before the term starts) can help show that your not 'doing nothing' so to speak.
do you think that might help you even a little bit?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

@scared01 I already have - my current level of panic is after I've done that...

Idk what to do now though...

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

Hey @Tiny_leaf, returning to school after a long period of time is scary. It is understandable that you don't want to fail and that this is making you feel nervous and panicked. It must be difficult and worrying returning to a situation where you no longer know to expect Smiley Sad Would it be helpful to do some of your own research on conservation to get a head start? Sometimes students do this if they are short on time or particularly worried about subjects that might be difficult for them.

Given you have been unable to attend school, it is only natural for your brain to try and protect itself and prepare for future situations. Do you feel as though writing a list of positives about taking this course might divert some of your focus? It could also be accompanied by a plan for if you get stuck or feel as though you are failing. I kind of see this as mimicking the process of 'Turning Negatives into Positives'.. Sometimes seeing the plans and preparation you have done can feel reassuring and comforting Heart

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

@Taylor-RO that's a good idea and will definitely help long term.

 

The only problem is that atm I can't stop thinking about it, but also can't think about it without getting so freaked out that I can't concentrate.

 

It feels like I'm (not literally) about to have a heart attack and breathing is hard

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

Hey @Tiny_leaf

how are you travelling this morning? It sounds like you may have had a difficult night after Taylor logged off, so I wanted to see how you were doing?

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

@Andrea-RO last night was really hard Smiley Sad

 

The only way I can describe it was my anxiety and depression got really bad and then teamed up.

So like, I was really agitated and in fight/flight. But also I had no energy and felt generally shit.

So I was suicidal but didn't have the energy to hurt myself, contact a helpline or go to hospital.

 

Today though I'm mostly just tired.

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

I am so sorry to hear how difficult your night was yesterday @Tiny_leaf. Anxiety and depression can feel almost impossible to manage at the best of times, let alone when they team up to make you feel overwhelmed. 

While it sounds like you're feeling a bit flat, I do want to underline that you did a really incredible job at keeping yourself safe. Even if you feel like you didn't do anything out of a lack of motivation, the fact that you were able to get yourself to sleep, even without the help of a support line or other professional is something you should be proud of. 

It also makes sense that you're feeling a bit tired today. Adrenaline spikes after panic attacks can really exhaust a person, as you put in all your energy into "survival mode". The best thing to do in the aftermath is take it easy, take care of yourself, and be gentle to how you're feeling. It might also be good to do something nice for yourself Heart Do you know anything that normally helps comfort you when you're feeling tired?

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

@Andrea-RO wellI bought some plants today which was good.

And I watered my moss. (I decided a while ago that I wanted moss so I now have some in a jar and am waiting for it to establish)

Unfortunately I walked too much so now I'm in heaps of physical pain and now feeling pretty crap again Smiley Indifferent

I'm not very good at this...

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Re: Nervous about re-starting school

Plants are amazing @Tiny_leaf. Do you have any photos of what they are? A lot of people find looking after them very therapeutic.. plus they are so beautiful to look at. I think there is something charming about watching something grow, especially because it can be difficult for them to thrive.

I hope you are feeling better today Heart It sucks that walking brings you so much pain. Is there anything that usually helps relieve the pain?