Hey @gisforgreatgoodness,
I can understand how uncomfortable it must be trying to navigate this situation, it must be so confusing knowing how your aunt and cousin actually feel about being around you when what they say doesn't seem to line up.
It's definitely easy to overthink these situations when you don't get much clarity. From what you said, it sounds like you've thought a lot about the situation and are worried they may feel embarrassed to hang out. You're not wrong for feeling this way at all, how you feel about this situation is totally understandable and really important when you're thinking about how to work through this. It's nice to hear how you've dealt with the situation so far, journalling is so useful for expressing yourself and organising your thoughts!
It can feel super vulnerable but I'm curious if you've thought about communicating how this makes you feel with your aunt or cousin? Can you think of a way to tell them how you're feeling?
If it's too much to talk to them about what's happening, it can really help to talk to someone familiar with the situation. Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking about this with?
Finding the right way to move forward is a challenge in itself, it might help to check out some steps to help you tackle difficult conversations. You could also check out this article that talks about how to deal with family conflict.
Looking forward to your response!