Restart My Childhood
Not to make anyone feel old but it feels so weird knowing I'm really close to becoming an adult, and I'm not exactly looking forward to it. Mainly because I felt my childhood has been wasted, the further I look back the more I cringe.
Supposedly my younger self wouldn't have known better, but simple things like speaking up for myself and being confident are things I wish I knew to do at the time. I had done lots of sports lessons, but no actual external sport competitions, perhaps I should've just focused on sport during primary school. I'm not particularly sure why but I hate tennis and swimming now, but I don't want to say its necessarily because tennis and swimming lessons traumatised me. I like ice-skating but from 2020 to the start of the 2022 my mum (like many) was COVIDphobic and thus I couldn't go to the city to ice-skate, and now in 2023 as a VCE student I have minimal time.
Tutoring has been something that has haunted me like a ghost since I was around 6 (whenever I started Chinese School) and I finally quit in 2021, It shouldn't have taken so long, as I think it deteriorated my interest in the extra curricular I did pre-COVID, indeed it was incredibly traumatic. Now I sit English and Maths tutors as the stakes are significantly higher. I believe through doing sports I didn't like and not being able to develop my interests due to my time being robbed away from tutoring I had little to no hobbies when i was younger making it difficult to partake in hangouts. Having no hobbies made my strengths not so prominent which made trying to get a job (behind my parents back) very difficult last year, and alas I was unsuccessful. Felt like I had no talents and starting a sport in high school without motivation is very draining as there are people who have been playing since they were really young. Yeah other people wished they spent time learning a language but would it really outweigh the benefits from the other external activities they participated in?
I don't want to repeat too much of my previous post but I feel without a school-life balance my health greatly suffered throughout my younger years, physically and mentally. Even though I skipped out on many dentist and doctors trips at least I would've been happier if things went as I wanted to. I was too shy to speak up for myself and use initiative to find a local dentist or doctors because I had assumed my parents know better, not exactly. Now I'm suffering from periodontitis, dermatitis and poor mental health.
If I could restart my childhood I would try avoid having regrets, although the pandemic may have influenced my negative vibes, it has been a significant issue beforehand. Self-care was a concept that was greatly overlooked when i was younger but I don't think it should've.
Comments
Hi @yeah_it_tahtperson , I just wanted to echo what everyone else has mentioned and that you are not alone. I completely understand how you are feeling and how much your past is impacting you right now.
I hope things have been doing well since this post.
It seems like you've been reflecting a lot on your past recently. Reflection is such a critical skill and I can see that you're really good at sitting with your feelings and the experiences you've gone through.
You mentioned that self-care was something you once overlooked. I'm wondering whether you're able to do more self-care for you now, and what things you do for yourself? Self-care can be really important after reflection because it can be an emotionally draining experience at times, and as you've felt, it's also easy to feel regret.
I feel that from what I've read, through your reflection, you've noted down things you wish you did, or things you wish you didn't. You've also noted what would have been helpful for you. I wonder if you can use these things you've noticed as sort of 'life lessons that have helped you grow and mature into who you are today? What do you think about that? ❤️
Yeah I know how you feel. It sucks, I feel like I could've done things so much better in life than I did. I see people that have these amazing friend groups and amazing relationships with their parents, and I wonder if it was a choice I made to stuff up my life
Hey @Lilac_Deer
Thanks so much for providing your support, it can make such a difference to know we're not the only ones feeling a certain way ❤️
I can understand the feeling of your choices causing life not to turn out like you planned, we all put so much pressure on ourselves to always do what's best for us and everyone around us! And without sounding too cringe and cliche - sometimes the path we end up on allows us to learn and grow, even if it's not easy. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we're all human and we can only do the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have at the time.
You've mentioned that other people seem to have amazing friend groups and amazing relationships with their parents, is that something you feel like you don't have at the moment?
Thanks so much for sharing with us, talking about your childhood and the discoveries we have about things we would do differently in hindsight can bring up a lot of emotions, so I hope you're looking after yourself today ❤️
You're not alone in how you're feeling, lots of people look into the past and wish they had done certain things or not done other things. But those feelings of regret are still a tough thing to navigate. You mention wishing you had spoken up more and taken initative to get the support you needed and do the things you wanted to. Do you feel like that's something you would expect from someone that's still a child? Don't be too hard on yourself ❤️ You were young and understandably trusted your parents to support you at the time, it isn't your fault that wasn't always provided in the way you needed. Do you feel like these experiences from childhood have taught you to speak up for yourself now that you are older?
You also mention that self-care was overlooked when you were younger, what do you do for yourself now? I'm also wondering if you've picked up any hobbies to enjoy now that you have the automony to choose which you'd like to partake in?
