Sibling troubles
Hi everyone,
At the moment I am really struggling with my sister. We have had a difficult relationship for the last seven years or so. At the moment my sister lives with my mum, whereas I live separately nearby (walking distance). Most days when I come to visit my mum, she offers to walk me back to my place. I like to use this time to talk about private things with her and to have some time to just be with her. However, my sister always gets insanely jealous and basically throws a tantrum every single time this happens. I try to explain to my sister that there are things that are private that I only want to speak to mum about. I also try to remind her that I no longer live with mum, and that she can have private talks to mum basically whenever she likes as she does. However, she always starts yelling, slamming doors, and saying how unfair it is. I honestly think my sister is being unreasonable - I mean she lives with my mum and has breakfast and dinner with her basically every day. She has hours everyday to talk to her. My sister always says 'oh but I am always working at night (on her laptop in the living room) or going to the gym!'
But I feel like it is unfair that I would have to pay for that and not be allowed to have alone time with my mum because of it. I mean it's my sisters choice to go to the gym or study at night. I don't think I should be punished for how she personally spends her time.
Anyway, it happened again tonight - my mum offered to walk me home and my sister freaked out talking about how she wasn't invited and how she wasn't dealing with this crap. She said she was going to walk the dog around the block while my mum walked me home, however she ended up following us without my knowledge and I feel like she was eavesdropping on the conversation I was having with my mum. This made me really mad, and I can't help feeling like my privacy has been invaded. I just wish she would let me have some time alone with my mum.
I wanted to post this here as I wanted to know what other people think. Am I the one being unreasonable? Can anyone else relate to having a sibling that always tries to compete excessively over everything - even a parent?
Comments
Thank you @Blueberries and @Dem--RO for your kind words and support! I really appreciate it and am glad that it is not all in my head and that other people think my sister's action are not okay.
In terms of what is causing her to act this way - yes she does have anxiety and is recovering from an eating disorder, however, I honestly (and I know this seems harsh) think to some extent it is just a part of who she is. She has always been extremely competitive and jealous. She often expects other people to do things for her and give her things, without thinking about what it costs that person. And when she gets angry or stressed (which is often), she takes it out on every one around her and yells, blames, and insults them.
And even if her actions are a coping mechanism, quite frankly, I am sick of being her punching-bag.
I honestly find her very draining to be around, and feel she is a pretty toxic person.Therefore, I usually try to limit how much time I spend with her. But because she lives with my mum, it makes it hard to spend time just with my mum without triggering some sort of outburst from her.
To answer your other question - yes, my mum (and dad) have tried to explain to my sister that I need some alone time just with her, however, my sister simply doesn't care and still throws tanrums every single time.
A part of me really wants to cut all ties from her and never see her again, as harsh as that sounds. I just honestly feel like I am happier when she is not in my life.
Hey @Jardin,
You are showing a lot of strength and patience given the situation, so please give yourself some credit for that đź’ś
Has your family looked into, or ever done, any counselling together as a group?
Do you have any other supports in place for yourself at the moment, either through a professional or a close friend that you can trust?
I'll also send you an email as well, so please keep an eye out for that.
I see, and that's understandable for wanting to be away from her as much as possible. Honestly speaking though, as someone like myself who acts quite similar to your sister - I can understand why people would like to distance themselves from us as much as possible (especially since there's a lot I've been & still am going through personally that leads me to act quite similar to how your sister acts, meaning I can kinda put myself in her shoes in that sense) but even I myself would like to distance myself away from my parents and my own sister as much as I continue to wish. I mean, after all, we are all human so we all have our own feelings and our way of dealing with things haha 🙂
Hi there,
I understand how your sister’s actions can negatively affect you, and I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all with what you’re saying here. Although I wonder what is causing her to act this way?
Do you think it might be because she’s going through something really rough in her life that result her to act this way as a way to take out her anger (like a coping mechanism)?
Even though it may or may not be due to stress, I can definitely understand how triggering her actions can be. You have the right to be mad about this situation as this doesn’t seem okay at all. I know I’d definitely be mad about it if I were in this situation too, and I’m glad that you’re able to share this with us.
Just remind yourself that you’re doing well and you are also an amazing person! 🙂
Hey @Jardin,
I completely understand that you would be feeling very frustrated by this, and I'm really sorry that you've ended up stuck in this cycle.
It is reasonable for you to want to spend some one-on-one time with your mum đź’• I'm just wondering if your mum has been able to talk to your sister about this at all?
I'll include this article about family conflict, because about half way down it talks about dealing with siblings, and if you ever feel that you need to talk to someone and don't have the opportunity to speak with your mum, Kids Help Line are a really good resource, they are available via phone or chat.
You also have the option of family counselling, if you want to check out the Relationships Australia in your state to get an idea of what's involved.
Do you have anything nice that you can do for yourself over the weekend?
