TW: Suicidal thoughts again: Conflict with my best friend.
Hey all.
Things are really tough right now and I'm not too sure who else to talk to. I'm pretty upset with my best friend because she's been ignoring my texts even though she's been having the energy to hang out with her other uni friends. We had plans to catch up and hang out after my uni exams but she's just been reading my texts and not replying to them. It's a really long story but I think that she's mad that I'm taking sides with her friend (let's call this friend A) that left her to hang out with their boyfriend after my best friend and they hung out. All I did was send her friend A's screenshots that I got from a mutual friend that we all know (let's call this friend B). I just thought that it would be good for her to understand friend A's perspective of why she "left" her and wanted to hang out with their bf. My best friend and friend A aren't friends anymore but they were best friends before. My best friend just cut friend A off and I just wanted my best friend to understand the other perspective since friend A wants to communicate but my best friend doesn't want anything to do with them anymore. I haven't even met friend A in person but now I got roped into this whole thing and my best friend hasn't been replying to my texts or friend B's texts and friend B and I am just very frustrated about this situation.
On top of all of this, my grandma passed away last week and I just wanted my best friend to be there for me. I haven't told her yet since she's not been replying to my texts. I just really miss my best friend. 😢 She's never purposefully ignored my messages before for the past 3 years that we've been best friends for (and I know that she's read my messages on Instagram). I do understand that when she's in a depressive episode she doesn't have the energy to reply to my texts (and this happened quite a few times this year which I'm fine with because I understand depression), but this is different because she's been posting on her Instagram stories when she's hung out with her other uni friends. I feel like all I could do is to wait until she wants to talk again but it's been really rough.
I had a call with my KHL counsellor on Saturday and I told her about this situation with my best friend and that my grandma passed away last week. I also told her that my suicidal thoughts are back and she said that she only needs to call someone if I can't keep myself safe (which made me feel a bit better) and that she trusts me to tell her if I am not safe. I am safe at the moment but I'm just wondering how do people even tell their counsellor stuff like this because I don't want to end up at the hospital (I think that it's quite traumatising) and I know what she's looking for that would get me sent to the hospital. A couple of months ago I told my endocrinologist at my last appointment with her at the children's hospital about my poor mental health and she asked me those questions and I just said I'm fine because I didn't see the point in telling her since I've just turned 18 and also my mum was waiting outside the waiting room so I didn't want her to see me get sent to an adult psych ward. I don't work with my endocrinologist anymore since I've aged out of the children's hospital system so no one except my KHL counsellor knows how bad my mental health can get.
I think I'm just in a rough batch at the moment but thanks for reading. 🤕
Comments
@justkeepswimming I just wanted to say first up that I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma - how heartbreaking. 😢 Thinking of you as you grieve for her. Do you have support from your family through this?
I'm really sorry to hear about your best friend too - what tough timing to go through her being distant at the same time as you're grieving. Have you ever had this type of thing happen between you before? If so, was there anything that helped resolve things between you?
I think that's really courageous that you were able to talk to your KHL counsellor about how you're feeling. Sounds like it was really helpful that she was able to be up front with you about when she would need to seek further help and when she wouldn't. Was she able to work with you on putting some supports, safety plans or strategies in place for managing your suicidal thoughts?
Thinking of you - it's completely understandable that things aren't easy right now, you're going through a lot. We're here for you. 💜
@Philippa-RO Thanks for the reply. 🥺 Yeah I do have my family's support with this but I feel like the situation between my best friend and I are more upsetting than my grandma passing away (my grandma was a bit toxic). It's complicated because half of my family is overseas so I don't really know if I want to go to the funeral or when I can go to the funeral.
Yes it's so tough not having my best friend with me when I'm going through a rough time... We've never gotten into fights before and she's never ignored my messages either so I don't really know what I did wrong.
I did have suicidal thoughts early in the year so my KHL counsellor knows about it. Right now we are having weekly sessions and we just talk about those thoughts. I think it's just hard that I don't have many distractions since my first year of uni ended so I have to actually deal with my emotions instead of focusing on uni assignments. 😔
Heya @justkeepswimming
Just wanted to check in, you have a lot going on. Youre so right its tough whem you dont have that mate to talk things through. I am also so sorry to hear about your grandma, I have lost a few people in my life and it can be so overwhelming. Good to hear you have weekly sessions with the KHL counsellour, how are you finding them?
With your mate have you checked in to see whats happening for them? It could be soemthing else and not you, I have had that before when I thought I had messed things up and it turned out they were just going through their own stuff.
@Claire-RO My weekly sessions with my KHL counsellor has been really good. I've been talking to her for a year and a half and she's so much better than any psychologists that I've seen before. It's really nice to have a stable support system/person since I've had so much trouble (and still am having trouble) with finding a face-to-face psychologist that I connect with.
Yes I've texted my best friend twice asking if she's going alright since I haven't heard back from her in a few days. She still hasn't replied and it's been over a week since we talked now. 😞 Since my first post in the thread friend B (our mutual friend) has texted my best friend to ask if he could call her to talk about things and she also left him on read too. I feel like she could have messaged him back saying she's not ready to talk about things or she's not doing well at the moment so we know how to help her or find out what's wrong. But she hasn't let us know what's going on at all. 😥
That sounds so stressful and worrying re: your friend @justkeepswimming
I really hope she is okay and she gets back to you soon. Do you know anyone else who is in contact with her, or has she stopped contact with everyone?
If so, it makes me wonder whether it's something else going on for her.
I guess if she's not ready to talk, maybe all you can do is just let her know you're there and wait for her to be ready. It sounds really hard for you - do you have other friends or family you can turn to for support in the meantime?
Your KHL counsellor sounds like such a great resource - it's so helpful when you find someone you click with like that.
@Philippa-RO My best friend got back to me today. Turns out she was a bit unsettled how friend B and I tried to fix or sort out their friendship with friend A but I told her that we were trying to help and she understands that as well. She also told me that her nonna (grandma) passed away yesterday and was in the hospital for the last week so that's why she hasn't been texting people back. I'm feeling a bit better now that we're talking again.
Thanks for always being here for me RO mods! You guys are amazing. 💜
Hey @justkeepswimming , that must be such a relief that your friend got back to you and explained what's going on. I'm glad you were able to talk about things and that hearing from them put your mind at ease.
We are always here for you 💛
