TW guys I'm cooked fr

hey @Red_deer,

Thank you for being vulnerable and opening up about your feelings on here. It is such a courageous thing to do and I truly commend your bravery😊 

I also want to thank you for sharing your description and daily struggles with anxiety. You have such a deep level of understanding and you have really captured the reality of anxiety. I also suffer with anxiety and emotional regulation, so I truly empathise with your point of view and am grateful for someone to share what we deal with on a daily basis. But I can also tell you something..... it does get better 💕. It's going to be uncomfortable, it will involve forcing yourself to do many things that you don't want to, and it involves being vulnerable in sharing your struggles (this step you have already done by coming on here!!!)

I was in a state where I did not want to do ANYTHING, and you captured it perfectly, I felt like I was just 'existing.' But I got out of this, I found motivation, I found joy, and I found the will to make action and work towards my goals. You can too and I believe you are so capable of doing this. I can tell you understand a lot about the world and have soooo much strength inside of you, embrace this strength and persevere. You will get through this, you will feel better and you will be able to feel 'unstuck' and find the beauty of living. I know you may feel behind in life, but I need you to know that you are not. There truly is no time-frame on life or certain set-point to be at based on your life stage. Everyone is different. We grow different, we think different, we experience different, we feel different, and we express different. 

What you mentioned about your family sounds very challenging and I'm sorry they respond the way they do. However, your family does love you and they do really care, but they do not understand what you are going through and how to help. Perhaps they are even scared in how to offer you support for the fear of saying the wrong thing or messing up. I was experiencing the same with my family and we would always fight whenever I struggled with my mental health, but we talked through it and I discovered this was the case. They love and cared so much, and their lack of understanding meant they simply didn't know how to best help me. I'm glad to hear you are seeing a psychologist! This is really great and important to keep up, but maybe you can mention the lack of support you feel from your family to your therapist and you can work through some techniques to approach this. Communication is so important and having open communication with your family will be very beneficial. 

I hope you are feeling better soon and get through this rough patch, you got this 💞

Hey @Red_deer 

Thanks for reaching out - I think a lot of the community can relate to this. I absolutely do too. In my experience, avoidance behaviours and isolation can become very comfortable and easy to revert to but also very hard to break out of. 

It sounds like your family have a traditional way of wanting to support you, whereas your experiences are more nuanced and cannot be necessarily be helped by just 'going to work' or 'going to University'. On the surface, this advice is simple and can be quite helpful, but it doesn't speak of the process of going through it, the time, the effort, consistency and unpredictability. 

For example, it's not just about enrolling into University that will somehow 'cure' your anxiety. It's about taking a step-by-step approach and confronting that anxiety through different ways. 

I appreciate that you seem to know what is, as @Catlover101 says, is holding you back. This is really promising and it shows that you really want to improve your situation.  

What is your psychologist's advice? Personally, I think establishing work first is most important. It gives you routine, financial incentive, and, depending on the job, can help you interact with others by making sure the work is being done. Fast food or retail for example. 

Let me know what you think - I think the advice already given is amazing. 

I think the song 'Anxiety' from Doechii will help you relate but also its such a fun listen :))

Hey  @Red_deer 

I totally understand what you’re going through. Dealing with anxiety and self-esteem issues can be really tough, especially at this time in your life. I feel like a lot of us can relate to feeling stuck and falling behind in life. I’m constantly questioning whether I’m doing the right degree and what my career path will be whilst I have some friends working in their dream jobs. But remember everyone has different journeys and they aren’t always linear. You aren’t meant to keep up with your peers because you are a totally different person on a different journey. So please don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You have a completely valid reason for deferring uni. Right now, working on yourself and getting the support you need is important. I know it’s easier said than done but I often find that gradually facing your worries one step at a time helps. Most of the time, it isn’t as bad or scary as it seems and you’ll be one step closer to doing the things that you want to do. You’re clearly a strong, motivated individual and I believe that you can get through this one step at a time!

Hi @Red_deer 

You seem to have a really strong grasp as to what is holding you back. It sounds like you're feeling quite stagnated right now and that is fine. Taking time to think things through and make the right decision is not falling behind.

I have had many of my friends jump into uni degrees or jobs just to drop out of them years later because it isn't what they actually wanted to do. This is your life and your timeline and if it's different to those around you that is okay.

You say you are not going to tell your family how you are feeling because they will dismiss you, but it could be worth a try because they probably do care and would like to know how you are feeling. Plus, you never know, maybe they won't react in the way you think they will, or maybe you could even preface it with a little statement about having a serious conversation so they don't go into it thinking it is something casual.

You obviously don't NEED to have support from them to get through things and its great that your are seeing a psychologist, but support is always helpful. It feels good to be seen and understood. 

Personally, a couple years ago I became very anxious and lost direction and was trying to deal with everything myself to the point where it was so overwhelming I was constantly burnt out from the tiniest things. I was dealing with it fine on my own up until a certain point where I just completely broke down. My family has never been one to take mental health seriously and no one other than me had ever really struggled with 'life stuff' so it was new for them and I assumed they would react how you think your family would react but I was lucky enough for them to understand and try and help me through. Sometimes even knowing that other people know what you are dealing with can help relieve the anxiety of thinking about what they think about you. (hope that made sense).

You are doing great. Thank you for being vulnerable. I am sending through good vibes! 

Hi @Red_deer 

I just want to say that I hear you, and I really get it. I've been through a similar struggle, and I know how tough it is when anxiety, self-esteem issues, and perfectionism just seem to take over your life. It feels like everything is on pause, and you're stuck in this cycle of just existing instead of truly living. That feeling of never being happy because there is always something to worry about or fix is torture - especially when others don’t understand. You're definitely not alone in this.

I can totally relate to the frustration of feeling like you should be out there working on your future, but your mind and emotions are holding you back. It’s really tough, and I want you to know that it’s okay to struggle, even though it doesn’t always feel that way. You're doing your best, and sometimes just getting through the day is an accomplishment. The fact that you're seeing a psychologist is huge – you're actively taking steps to get the support you need, even if it doesn’t always feel like it’s helping in the moment.

It’s so understandable that you don't want to open up to your family, especially when you're worried they won’t get it. I’ve felt that too – like you're on your own and don’t want to risk getting dismissed. Just know that you’re not weak for having struggles, and it’s okay to be kind to yourself in this. It doesn't have to be perfect, and you don’t have to do it all at once. You’ll get through this in your own time and on your own terms. You deserve to live the life you want without constantly battling fear. Keep pushing through, even on the tough days. You've got this.

Hey @Red_deer 

I've also struggled with anxiety and know how quicky it can box you in further and further in until only a small number of things in life don't bring you fear. The biggest thing I learnt is that even though it isn't easy, battling that anxiety and forcing yourself to go out and face those scary things (in small, slow steps) is the only way it can get easier.

That's a shame you don't feel like your family wouldn't support you with these issues and are being judgemental of you; I wish everyone could realise that judging someone and making them feel bad about themselves almost always does much more hard than good. I think life would be a better place if everyone could see one another from a place of openness and understanding. You said you're seeing a psychologist which is great, have you told them about your anxiety and feelings towards getting a job? They could have some helpful strategies for you to beat this anxiety and maybe some steps to help make employment feel easier.

I'm also around your age and can definitely understand the pressure to get a job. I didn't get my first job until 18 and felt like I had massively fallen behind, but now I've realised that I really wasn't behind and that we've got so, so many decades of life ahead of us that getting a job a few years later than others doesn't really affect much. One of my closest friends is turning 20 and has never had a job yet, and I remember in a survey of one of my uni courses over half of the people said they were unemployed so you're definitely not alone.

Anxiety does suck and it will take a lot of time and effort to learn to live with and overcome it, but just small steps each day will move you further and further until one day you'll look around and realise how much better you've gotten. You're strong and you can do it. Squaring up and taking the first steps towards battling anxiety is the hardest part, every step after that will get easier and easier as your brain adapts to finding less and less things scary. We're all rooting for you, and don't forget that life isn't a race, we all take things at our own pace and you aren't falling behind or 'failing' at life, you're just living it.