birthday blues

Hi @yeah_it_tahtperson 

I am sorry to hear you have been struggling with uni and not feeling excited about your birthday. I do get it, I often don't feel excited for my birthday but an impending amount of stress. I have found planning something for myself around that time has sort of made me look forward to it. Even if it is on my own it is something I want to do. Everything can pause for the day and its for me. 

With uni, it can be overrated at times but I think there is a real emphasis on the uni social life that is shown to potential students that when going into first-year the workload can be a bit of a shock and adjustment. I found that as time went by the shock and adjustment became easier to manage and the expectations of uni work can feel less pressure. I also think it is important to notice when your content was made, some content and assessments have been used repeatedly for years, I have some lecture recordings in classes going back 5 years. The teachers and topic coordinators haven't reviewed and looked at what it is. Most universities towards the end of the semester do student evaluations it is worth mentioning they need to update and it does make a difference when the majority of students do this. 

When it comes to organising and seeing friends, my biggest tip would be to organise in advance or set a day every 2 weeks, once a month to catch up. It can help prioritise your friendships while also maintaining your uni work. It can make a real difference but also make things less daunting to try and plan a catch-up. Even real simple things like study session you might not spend the time studying but you get to catch up with your friends. 

I hope some of this helps, all the best.

Hi @yeah_it_tahtperson 

I'm hearing that you're not feeling very excited about your birthday coming up soon (happy birthday by the way, for when the day comes 💜). Birthdays can be really hard sometimes, and as @almond_cappuccino mentioned this can be partly due to expectations for the day, and taking a neutral stance can help sometimes. I know that in the past I've placed a lot of expectations on my birthday and on some birthdays it made me feel a bit disappointed if things didn't go exactly the way I wanted. I'm wondering if this could be part of it? I've tried to take a more neutral stance towards my birthdays as of recent and tried not to be so hard on my birthdays if things didn't go how i wanted it to.

It sounds like university is really soul consuming for you right now, and you're not enjoying it so much. It's also getting in the way of you being able to see your friends, as uni can be quite full on and require a lot of time to get readings, assignments, etc complete while going to classes too. I'm wondering if you and your friends could book out a day to have together in advance so that you can work your schedules and work load around it?

Wishing you all the best 💜

hey @yeah_it_tahtperson 

I'm sorry to hear you are currently dealing with these struggles 💕

Birthdays are tricky for some people and I understand your lack of excitement, however maybe it's an idea to perhaps stay neutral when thinking about your upcoming birthday and not place any expectations on the day. Stress may be affecting the feelings you have towards your birthday which is why stress is such a toxic yet universal experience to all people. Try to adopt some healthy stress management skills, such as relaxation/breathing techniques, hobbies, listening to music, and taking a break from life stressors (like uni). This will allow you be fully present in the experience of each day and although birthdays are not for everyone, they are beautiful days to spend time with your loved ones and really celebrate life, so focus on this and engage with the beauty of each present day (including your birthday!)

It seems you are experiencing highly negative feelings towards uni and that it is something you didn't want to engage with in the first place. Uni is not the be all and end all, and I see your worry of finding a job without a degree as society strongly pushes uni. There are so many jobs out there that don't require a degree, whether they involve a tafe course, a trade or even on the job training. There are also pathways to jobs that prefer a qualification/degree. If you are expressing uni as overrated and something that is causing unbearable stress which is not beneficial to your wellbeing at all, I think it may be an idea to consider where you would like to be career wise and do some research into work that doesn't require university education (and there is so much out there!) Please don't feel pressured to follow through with uni if it is not for you or overthink and worry about your career options. A uni degree is not essential to a happy life and successful career, so if this pathway is not for you, that is totally ok and it is time to explore the other great and exciting options out there.

I hope this helps 😊

Hi @yeah_it_tahtperson, that sounds really rough that you are still struggling with uni and you are not looking forward to your birthday. It’s especially frustrating when your birthday coincides with a busy time of semester, as it can be hard to find the time or energy to celebrate. 

I also imagine that you may be feeling some disappointment that expectations about uni and birthdays are not being met - in the media and in general people often talk about how great uni is and how exciting birthdays are, but in reality that is not always the case, and that’s okay. It sounds really frustrating that you can’t catch up with friends because you’re all busy with uni, but perhaps you could find a time maybe after your birthday to meet up for an evening and just spend some time together without worrying about uni? That may help you to find feel a bit better and to get a break from uni. 

Also, perhaps it may be worth thinking about your career goals/aspirations and how uni is necessary for this? I find that, especially in first year, it can be easy to get caught up in the stresses of uni, so sometimes it’s worth getting some perspective and remembering that while uni can be a struggle, it will be worth it in the end, and you will probably find yourself starting to enjoy it more as you get used to it and you get through all the boring hurdle tasks. 

I hope this helps, and happy birthday!!

Hey @yeah_it_tahtperson ,

I'm so sorry to hear that things are feeling so tough for you right now. The transition to uni is a big one, and I remember being shocked by just how much I struggled with going from year 12 to uni. I remember feeling very overwhelmed and a bit resentful to - I had worked so hard in year 12 to get into uni, and now I had to work even harder in uni just to pass. I will say, once I got over that adjustment hurdle that I started to really like uni, i'm four years in now and am super excited by what I study! That said, uni definitely isn't for everyone, and that's ok too. I know plently of people who dropped out after the first year, and pursued employment that they were more interested in. I also know plently of people who really didn't like doing their bachelor's, but who now have cool jobs that they're super passionate about too. 

If it's any consolation, and I know it might now be, I think that these feelings you've described here are incredbily natural. They're definitely things that I've felt before! I'm personally someone who always feels very emotional around birthdays, I'm what I like to refer to as a 'birthday crier'. It sounds like the lack of excitement you're feeling around your birthday might be related to uni stress, which makes a lot of sense. Birthdays are special, but they're also just another day of the year. I think there's quite a bit of cultural pressure around having the perfect birthday, but really, you're allowed to feel all the feelings, there's no right or wrong way to have a birthday! 

Please be gentle with yourself and give yourself some space to feel all the feelings. Sending care and love and birthday wishes 💛