TW starting a conversation about mental health with the one person you are afraid to let down
Not really sure how all this works properly only been on it for like 20 min but for what feels like the longest of times iv been tossing and turning about telling my mum what I feel would help me the most she already knows I’m depressed and anxious but iv never really told her the true depths it goes to my biggest fear is letting her down for my whole life it has been just me and her and we have been through a lot together but I’ve always had trouble communicating and actually starting the conversation and for about 3 months now I feel like I would benefit greatly from going to a physiatrist place we have already tried just about everything but I can’t physically tell her that it’s not working I feel like there would be a lot to gain for me personally by going to one but when ever I think about bringing it up I vomit it makes me physically sick to think that I could be disappoing her in this way I know she wouldn’t see it like that but the last thing I want is the one person who has stayed by my side for 16 years to think of me like I’m broken
I just wanted to say first off that it takes a lot of courage to ask for help, so well done for taking the first step!!
Having mental health issues doesn't make you broken or weak; and if you look around the forums you'll find a lot of pretty amazing people who are also struggling. You're not broken, and you're not alone.
There are a few ways you could approach the conversation with your mum.
If speaking about it is too much for you, do you think you could write a letter or send a text to your mum about it?
Another option is to avoid going into too much detail, and just say something like "I haven't been feeling great, can I see a doctor/ counselor/ psychiatrist about it?"
One other thing; there are a few ways and a few places to get help, either before or after telling your mum, for example, you could ask your GP/ family doctor to refer you on to mental health services.
Another option is seeing if your school has a counselor or psychologist. Not only can they offer support, they can also help you open up that conversation with your mum, and help connect you with other services.
I'd also recommend looking into Headspace. They have a range of professionals including GPs, psychologists and psychiatrists, and have free/ low cost appointments.
I'm sorry that you've been feeling depressed and anxious. I agree with @Tiny_leaf. I think it's really brave to want to tell people how you feel. Posting on here is a great first step.
In my experience, seeing a psychiatrist for a second opinion was beneficial for me. They were able to recommend a type of therapy that was more suited for me compared to the one I had been doing with my psychologist. They may or may not prescribe medication. They can do their own assessment or interview and suggest things that might help. It took a lot of convincing for my parents to let me see one because they didn't think I needed to, but I thought it was worth it in the end because the psychiatrist's recommendations really helped my psychologist and I. The psychiatrist also spoke to my mum with my permission and explained my diagnoses and what she thought I would benefit from. I think that it helped my mum understand what I was going through more.
Starting a conversation about mental health can be really hard. There are no real right or wrong answers because it depends on the context and factors like your relationship with your mum, her personality and whether she has had mental health issues herself. Sometimes, it can help to imagine what you would tell a friend who has come to you for advice. Do you have anyone else you can confide in? Is there someone who could tell your mum on your behalf? My psychologists helped me tell my parents that I wanted to see a psychiatrist for a second opinion. A relative, friend or other trusted person might also be able to help you rehearse the conversation with your mum.
You could tell your mum that you feel that you would benefit from an objective professional's viewpoint and would like to see if they have any other suggestions that you could try. She might have a lot of questions that you could also think of and prepare answers for in advance. If your mum feels as though it's her fault or that she has let you down, you could say that you really appreciate her support, but feel as though you need to talk to someone outside of the family who can offer additional help. It could also be a good idea to write down what you feel as though you would gain from seeing a psychiatrist and show the list to your mum.
Feel free to share my post with your mum if you feel like it would help.