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Tough Family Situations and stuff

Okay so for around maybe 5-8 years, my mum and i have never really been close, I've never told her my feelings or anything and it caused us to drift apart. Also for maybe about around 2 months or so all we've been doing is screaming and arguing with each other and it's tearing me apart. I came out to her about my sexuality but i feel really confused :/

 

I told my mum i may be lesbian or bisexual but now i feel straight but i still have strong feelings for my ex girlfriend and she's already moved on with another girl and now i'm currently dating my best friend but i dont feel the same way about her anymore and i feel like such a dick because i was the one who asked her out... Argh i just feel like poop... i stiil have strong lingering feelings from my ex girlfriend and se dumped me around half a year ago... im such a mess

 

And i really want to cure my relationship with my mum. in the morning when she goes to drop me off for school we end up being mad at each other, when i get home from school we end up mad at each other again and my siblings and i have been at each others throats for a long time and i just dont know what to do about it and hoesntly, it's driving me crazy!

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Re: Tough Family Situations and stuff

Hey @EliPoo 

 

Welcome to Reach Out! 

 

I'm sorry to hear how rough things have been for you. Relationships, both intiimate and family, can be really hard to navigate. Coming out can be an incredibly difficult journey for a young person, particularly if they don't have much in the way of support.

 

There are a number of services that can provide support. Have you heard of twenty10?
http://http://www.twenty10.org.au/ These guys are great at helping young people who are same sex attracted or curious. If they're not near you, I'm sure they will be able to steer you towards something just as good and closer. Let us know how you go. 

 

 

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Re: Tough Family Situations and stuff

Hey @EliPoo
It sounds like a very complicated situation but you are so strong for opening up about how you feel and being honest with yourself is an amazing step forward.

I can sort of relate to what you are going through with your mum, just like you we have never been really close and we used to argue all the time and it was just so frustrating and our relationship got better the more I was patient with her and didnt get into the arguments and made it my mission to forgive her soon after regardless of how i was feeling, now we really have a good relationship also because I have moved out so its all nice when we talk.

Have you thought about writing your mum a letter just telling her how you feel and that you want to resolve this rather than argue all the time?

Sexuality can be confusing sometimes and I think you shouldn't rush yourself to find an answer but I think if you dont feel something deep with your current girlfriend then you are not giving her 100% especially when you have feelings for your ex and you would need to move past feeling like that for your ex to give someone else 100% or maybe you could speak to your ex to get some closure, would that be an option for you?

To be honest, yeah it might suck to break up with her and she might well be very angry but I would rather someone break up with me instead of not saying anything and not giving me all of them and maybe she might feel the same way.

I hope this helps

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: Tough Family Situations and stuff

thanks a lot, yeah i know not to rush things but its been on my mind and I've been feeling a bit down because of it and yeah ahaha, thank you though Smiley Happy
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Re: Tough Family Situations and stuff

Yeah I can understand that, as much as you try to put something out of your mind it nags at you and brings you down even more. Maybe take some time this weekend to do something nice for yourself - do some self care and bring your spirits up Smiley Happy
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: Tough Family Situations and stuff

Hi@EliPoo , how have things been going since you last posted here? I hope they have to some extent improved!

I'd just like to say from the get go that I can relate to your family issues. Not being able to see eye to eye with our parents, and our loved ones essentially, can be quite frustrating. It's frustrating for a number of different reasons. Firstly, they are people that we believe to be one of the most crucial supports in our lives above all other ordinary external support systems in the world. Secondly, we've developed a very special and unique bond with these people (mum, dad, brothers, sisters etc.), so special for many many reasons one of the most pertinent being  that they have decided to make quite an astonishing sacrifice to bring us in the world. Which is a truly special thing.
So naturally, when things begin to go awry we develop anxiety, disappointment, we may blame ourselves for these issues it goes on I'm sure you understand. However, I can assure you that these issues have a resolution and can be worked out.Given the vast passage of time as we know it, you just never know what is going to happen in our lives. Have a think about that. Smiley Happy


To begin, I'd like to ask you to reaffirm with yourself that there maybe a possibility that the issues you have with your mum may not be able to be fully remedied in a way that you would like. This may sound unfortunate and believe me I understand how much this may pain you to accept. But in response to that, I would like to reassure you that it isn't completely hopeless. Nothing is completely hopeless and utterly devoid of any possibility for positive change. There is a real possibility in that! There is real possibility in life for many things. It's a testament to the strength that resides in you to open up about your sexuality to your parents. It's a display of the strength you do have inside you, and importantly a sign of the bravery that you possess, so good on you!

Your journey with your sexuality will be a fantastic, exciting, saddening and positive one. The right people will present themselves to you along the way, some may judge, some will advocate and champion you. Along the way, I ask you to take some enthusiasm and perserverence. I say enthusiastic for a particular reason: the word enthusiastic comes from Greek 'entho' which means with and 'thous' which is Greek for spirit! So go with the power that your spirit within you creates and towards betterment and success!

In conclusion, I'd like to take you through my own experience with my own Mum and Dad quickly. My Mum and Dad and I never got on. Once I had finished year 12 with some disappointing results (not because I'm a stupid person) and entered into the world of finding a job, which proved very disappointing for two years. However I did gain employment here and there at times. Things would continue to get worse between me and my parents, they would express constant disgust towards me saying many awful things time and again. I finally moved out of home and onto a positive and gradually improving life. I don't speak to my parents anymore because I accepted that there wasn't anything that I thought I could do to remedy our relationship. It took even more time to accept this, but with constant reaffirmation to myself, I accepted that I did the best I could but to no real avail, and that wasn't my fault, I did the best I could. And that was a great release I found. However, I still love my parents and accept them for who they are and I am completely ready to open my door when they decide to engage me and work towards a better relationship with me. In the years to come when I have made some more improvements in my life and am ready to talk to them again I will. I still believe in the chance that things will get better. And I ask you to do the same.

Positive people can influence negative people for the better, and positive people can also drive negative people absolutely mental. The laws of attraction tell us that positive people attract positive people, and negative people do in fact attract negative people. 

I wish you well, and know that things will get better Eli!
Be well and keep checking back here on ReachOut, it's a very supportive online community.

Regards,

Jake.









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Re: Tough Family Situations and stuff

Well said Ruen!

As Aristotle once said "happiness depends on ourselves."