i'm so alone and just totally defeated
my whole life i've always had a little bit of a feeling of abandoment. people leaving, all that. however, over the last year it's just all come to light and i'm just not coping, especially over the last few weeks.
i've been struggling for over a year now, but as of late it's just become totally unbearable because of this complication. this guy i was friends with became my best friend. for months on end, we talked and hung out non stop. consequently, we became something more. this lasted for a few weeks, until he decided he didn't want to start anything serious for no reason. this doesn't hurt because i wanted him to be something more for me, it hurts still weeks later, and always will, because he was my best friend and for a while was the only person that made me look forward to starting my day. he understood how i felt and was always there for me if i needed to talk, and now he's just... not.
i hate how badly this has impacted me, but after a very long year and a history of people leaving it's all just too much.
Comments
Moving away means I can get a fresh start, make new genuine friends that won't screw me over hopefully.
I was only a few months old.
I'm in my last year of high school, so now I'm just running down the clock to when I can move away and totally start fresh.
Hey @revh44,
It still sounds like you're hurting a lot. Is there something you can to to help you feel a bit better?
How do you think moving away will solve the feeling of being lonely?
PS I know how difficult being in your last year of school is, and it can be really stressful. So remember how well you are doing to juggle everything that's going on right now.
Lahna
I always feel like people have just left me. I was adopted, so I don't know if that contributes to it at all. I've had a best friend since pre school, she moved overseas in year 2. We still keep in touch over Facebook. After she moved, I got closer with my friend who was my neighbour. She became like my sister, but moved a few hours away at the start of last year. A couple years back I also got pretty close with this girl in my year, but then she moved to a city about 14 hours drive from here a couple months back. I still talk to all of them overFacebook and stuff, but it's not the same...
I had a huge falling out with one of my closest friends a few years back and haven't spoken to her since, she was just not a good person to have in my life.
I don't know, it just feels like I'm not allowed to have anyone in my life that can really be there for me and it makes everything so hard.
Hey @revh44,
I think it's really positive that you have been able to reconnect with your friend, even if you're not really close right now. It doesn't mean that things can't progress in future to a more in depth frienship. At least you both know that you're there for eachother if you need it right?
I can definitely see how being adopted could contribute to these feelings of loss. How old were you when this happened?
It sounds like you have had people coming and going in your life which has made you feel alone. Unfortunately, this happens to the best of us because people become really involved in their lives and move into different areas, or friendship groups asa result of that- this has happened to me in the past too.
I think something you should take from this is recognition of how loyal you are to those around you, which is a really positive thing. You should be proud of how loyal you are as a friend, and how much of a supportive friend you seem to be.
How about we think of some places where you can meet some new people?
Lahna
Hey @revh44,
I can understand how tough this must be for you, having a really great connection with someone which has been taken away so quickly. I was drawn to your thread title, "I'm so alone and just totally defeated" because it really captures how much you're hurting right now. I just want to remind you that you are not alone because we are here to help you all the way through this.
You've spoken about how other people in your life have left you and that it's all bubbling up right now, do you have anyone in your life at the moment who you can speak to? Do you think you could become friends again with this person?
I also think it's important that you have access to support when you feel you need it, and to maybe try some coping strategies in the mean time. There are even some ideas specifically for relationships. What do you think?
Lahna
Welcome to RO! I'm sorry to hear that things have felt overwhelming and tough, especially over the past few weeks.
It sounds like you were incredibly close with this person, and you value their friendship/presence a lot.
Relationship break ups, of any kind, can really suck. It's okay to feel hurt for a long amount of time, especially if you are already feeling overwhelmed. Have you tried to reach out to him and explain how you have been feeling?
You mentioned that you have been struggling before this happened with him - I'm wondering if you would feel comfortable explaining what you meant by that a bit more? What has made it be a very long year?
We are here to listen to you and support you, and would love to keep chatting if you need.
Hi @revh44, and welcome to the ReachOut forums!
I can hear you are really feeling hurt right now and that your relationship with your friend has had a significant impact on you. It sounds like its led you to reflect on other times in your life where people have left you. I can see though that this relationship in particular was very important to you. Do you feel he has completely cut off that connection with you?
