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issues with my “father” (tw?)

i don’t really want this thread to drag on but I need your opinions.

as some of you know my “father” has physically abused me in the past and still to this day emotionally and verbally abuses me. lately the things he’s done to me has been playing in my head and it’s quite disturbing. i can’t seem to make them stop and im so ashamed that he is my “father”. i really want him out of my life for good. 

 

its really upsetting because he buys my sister whatever she wants just to try annoy me. early last year i asked if he could get me Spotify and he said no. but he buys all this stuff for my 8 year old sister !! im not saying i want stuff from him but i know he is trying to attack me about this. 

 

shit i just realised his birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to do. last time i had to spend time with him, i was crying while walking up the stairs to his apartment. im actually really scared of him. and i know if i don’t come and spend his birthday with me he going to abuse me so much.

 

sorry this is long :/

Re: TW: issues with my “father”

hi @litgym, thanks for the TW. Heart

So sorry to hear that this is going on for you, it's really unfair. 

If there a way you could get out of the birthday, or make it safer for you to attend with him? Could you bring another support person a long? Another adult?

Look out for an email as well Heart

 

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Re: TW: issues with my “father”

hey @gina-RO

the thing is i skipped Father’s Day and he got so pissed i can’t begin to tell you. he was also being extremely rude to my mum and she didn’t let him in our house because shit would have gone down. i don’t think i can bring anyone else. my parents are divorced and it’s his birthday so like i don’t think i can. i just really want him out of my life but even parents who are drug addicts still have touch with their children so i know that’ll I’ll have to deal with him for at least 4 more years. i just want him to move back to France.

Re: TW: issues with my “father”

 @litgym really tough situation. 

it's so important that you have a plan to look after yourself - always - but particularly before, during and after your dad's birthday event.

It's a good idea to give 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) - and chat this out with them, as they may have some more creative ideas. 

I also think it would help for you to have a solid self-care plan with practical things you can do during the day, and after the day to look after your emotional health. Do you think you could come up with something like this? 

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Re: TW: issues with my “father”

@gina-RO ive given 1800 respect a go before but i didn’t find them helpful at all. i think i could come up with a self-care plan. im just really worried he is going to start drama or something.

Re: TW: issues with my “father”

@litgym - fair enough, sorry you didn't find them helpful. What about the Kidshelpline? 

 

The plan can include numbers you can call if you feel like you're in danger - including your mum. 

 It can also include ways you know you can remain calm, and keep out of any 'drama' - anything that will make the day go smoother for you. 

 

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Talk about Inspiring Women for International's Women's Day

Re: TW: issues with my “father”

@gina-RO ive briefly spoken to khl about my “father” but not really. i will definitely make a plan.

 

another thing that upsets me is when something that’s relates to him is brought up or done. e.g he loves soccer and i hate it. if we’re meant to do it for school sport it just makes me so upset. he is also a chef so i prefer to stay out the kitchen because it brings up too many memories. 

 

he has also caused me to have severe depression and anxiety. i feel like if none of this drama has happened with him then i probably wouldn’t be depressed or have it as severe. same goes with anxiety.

Re: issues with my “father” (tw?)

Hey @litgym,

I can really relate to this post and I'm really sorry this is/has happened to you. I get those images a lot, they play on repeat and it drives me crazy. Usually I do this when trying to cope:

1. Turn up the music really loud and sing really badly loud. 

2. Drink some water

3. Go for a walk

4. Spend some time with my puppies

These things help me because while they don't necessarily stop the thoughts they distract me a little and gives me a break.

 

It's completely understandable that you are upset about that, my father refused to look after me on school holidays but was completely fine to look after my sister. It hurt a lot but I didn't let him see it. I didn't get my father anything for father's day or his birthday, my mum ended up saying it was a split present from my sister and I. I'm really sorry that you are so afraid of him and that he is so mean to you <33333

Re: issues with my “father” (tw?)

@annabethxchase thanks for the tips, ill give them a go ! it’s actually really upsetting that this is the way it’s gonna be. family is meant to be forever right ? but no, my father is horrible, my mother is also horrible - not as much tho, my sister is alright but i feel so guilty because i can never seem to control my anger towards her and the rest of my family are absolutely HORRIBLE people !!!!

 

fathers aye ? sorry you have to deal with your father Smiley Sad i didn’t buy my mum a birthday present which i really don’t give a shit and my sister kept saying to my mum “i bought you this not *name*” because that’s what lil sisters do.

Re: issues with my “father” (tw?)

My heart really goes out to you @litgym, The same goes with my sister - she is young and she doesn't understand but I don't want her to grow up in a lame excuse for a family. I get so mad and I take it out on her. 

 

Was your mum upset that you didn't give her a present, If you don't mind me asking? Uhh sisters *rolls eyes* Always here to talk @litgym <333