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it all hit me at once

i am new to this, so i hope im doing it right.


i am 23 years old and it has been quite a tough past 8 months for me. everything seemed to have happened at once. in december last year my ex and i broke up after 3 years. we lived together for 2 years, our relaionship was ok but started to get rocky towards the end. during the time i was with him he didnt have his pernament residency but it was in the process. coincicedently he tried breaking up with me after a month of getting it. i didnt want to break up but he insisted but i refused and even asked him if he had used me for his PR. of course he denied it and was just telling me things werent working out between us. i told him i would move back to my parents house for a bit so we both can clear our heads. one night i decided to go back home and i caught him with another girl. so not only did i feel like he was using me but he was cheating on me as well. what made it harder was that i gave him everything i had during our relationship. i gave him a home i gave him a family and i gave him all the love i could possibly give. i had also take out a 5k loan for him which means i still have to be in contact with him because he is ever so slowly paying it back. even though i pay some of it because he doesnt give me money in time for it. so it is hard to move on when i have that.  and its hard to move on because i am so angry and dissapointed in what had happened after everything i had done for him and i have given him and i cant shake it off.


two months after my break up i had an argument with my best friend because i expressed to her that i felt like she wasnt really there when i needed her most. we had an argument and she told me that our friendship had ended a long time ago. so to me it felt like she was just waiting for the moment to tell me she no longer wanted to be friends. this friend of mine was the type where she didnt want to have anything to do with anyone elses problems. which i respected but at the time that i needed her most she wasnt there so i decided i didnt need people like that in my life so i officially ended the friendship with her. not long after that friendship ended i had an argument with another close friend because i felt she was taking advantage of me because i wasnt in the right state of mind. my family noticed it first but took me a while to figure it out. so when i did i ended that friendship aswell because i didnt need people bringing me down. so that leaves me with one friend that i have known for 18 years. though i dont get to see her much as we work different hours and she has another group of friends and a boyfriend. i do see her when i can but its not much at all.


so until now i have been trying to put my life back together, strugging with the fact that i have no friends and strugglig with being lonely majority of the time. my family has been amazing but they have there own life and there own problems to deal with so i dont want to bother them anymore. i dont want to be a burden. 

i feel lonely all the time and i dont know what to do to pass time, i dont know what to do to make myself happy. i have anxiety so its difficult for me to go out and meet people which makes me even more sad. i feel like i have hit rock bottom and ever so slowly im climbing back up. i have good days and i have bad days. i just dont know what to do anymore i dont know how to cope with everything that has happened and the fact that im alone and i dont know how to accept it. (apart from family)


Re: it all hit me at once

Hi. I just joined on here too. I just feel like talking to someone I don't know right now, so I googled "someone to talk to" and this site came up. I don't want to write anything right now about your post. I have some thoughts but I don't want to just assume I know enough to say something useful. If you want to talk let me know.

Re: it all hit me at once

hi, i am happy to talk and i dont mind if you want to give an opinion. i guess thats why i posted as well as wanting to get it off my chest.

Re: it all hit me at once

I am kinda funny about posting stuff online - i mean in detail, even if it is all anonymous. It would be great to have someone to talk to about this stuff but it feels kinda weird having it all open to anyone to read and join in.

Re: it all hit me at once

Yeah I know what you mean. Well I'm not to sure how these sites work. It's my first one so I'm not sure if they have private messaging or not

Re: it all hit me at once


Re: it all hit me at once

Hey guys - yep we work really hard to keep the forums anonymous. We don't have private messaging and we ask that you do not post your personal details to the site.

Like I mentioned in another thread our forums help the people who post but also overwhelmingly the people who read but can't find the words to post themselves. They have been through something similar and get ideas for help by reading what you write. So, keep posting here if you feel up for it.

If you want tot talk to someone one-on-one, think about chatting things through with Kidshelpline or Lifeline...

Online Community Manager

Re: it all hit me at once


Thanks so much for posting online. Welcome to Reachout make sure you check out the commmunity guidelines 


Im so sorry to hear that you have been struggling lately. It really sounds like a tricky situation and that you have been putting alot of effort into fixing things. I honestly cant imagine what that situation must be like. But it seems like you did everything right for the relationship but im sorry it didnt work .We have some great factsheets on this site here are a few i would recommend

Coping with a breakup

Dealing with breakups

All about breakingup


If you want to wonder around the website theres a games section as well 



Re: it all hit me at once

@snowyjewel Also sorry for all the font colour changes

Re: it all hit me at once

Hey @snowyjewel 


Sounds like things have been pretty crappy... it sucks when all of this happens at the same time. The good thing is that you have jumped on to ReachOut and not only can we all chat here about whats going on but you saring your story can help others going through similar situations. 


EloiseRose gave some really great links so do check them out! I guess if I could say anything, and I know its difficult to see the positives sometimes in these situations and this advice might come in handier once you've had a little bit of time to get over the inital hit of all this happening at once... but if you can  try to use this time to get to know yourself, think about the kinds of people you now want to surround yourself with and if you can treat this as a bit of a fresh start with relationships. It sounds like your family are supportive so its really awesome you have them there as a foundation.  


I know how much it sucks to feel lonely so it might also be a good time to have a chat to someone (kidshelpline, lifeline or even check out a headspace ) that could help you feel a bit clearer about things- and direct you to helping hands that can make a difference in the way you're feeling right now.


Sunnier days will come... you deserve relationships in your life that make you happy. 


We're here to listen when you need it Smiley Happy Chelsb