Loneliness

Hey @green_racoon 

I totally get it. When I finished school everyone spent all this time together and then eventually we all started going in different directions. It can be hard and at times feel quite lonely. Friendships change, how you look at friendships changes and you grow out of friendships, 

People sort of start doing their life the way they want and are at different stages and you can start to compare yourself, it's so easy to do, especially with social media. It can definitely make you question were you are at and the life you living. What sort of future do you want? 

At the end of the day though only you can make the changes you want in your life, whether it is reaching out and connecting with those people again or making new friends. I have a pretty small circle of friends I will admit I would rather have a small circle of friends and people trust and connect with rather than a big group of people who I don't know anything about or who exclude me. And since finishing high school in that small group is only 1 person, the rest were friends I made through work.

I do understand feeling lonely and the way it can make you feel left out. Could you connect with others and make new friends? Or reach out to those friends again. 

Hi @green_racoon 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel like this is such a common thing people go through, but it's still not very widely or openly talked about. Especially after high school, it's so easy for friendships to slip away, or for people to just get out of touch, or to grow out of a friendship with someone. 

When people go on their different paths, it can be very easy to compare your life with theirs. I've definitely fallen into that trap before. I have some friends who are even getting married next year. I have others who are working full time overseas, and others who are just travelling, and others who have years more of study ahead of them.

I think life just has it's ups and downs and it can be challenging at times to remind yourself that you're not too late, or too early. Everyone's on their own path. Your timing is just right. 

Despite all that, I can understand the feeling of being 'alone', especially when it seems everyone's just living their own life. In what ways do you feel you could reconnect with your friends? 

Hey there @green_racoon ,

Thank you for reaching out to the community and sharing what's been going on for you.

@Lapis_Anteater  made some really good points there. 'Growing Up' can be painful sometimes. While others 'move on', form other relationships and plan for the future, we can sometimes question ourselves, compare ourselves and find that we haven't moved. This is certainly not an uncommon experience amongst young people moving into adulthood. 

Friendships are always changing. At different stages of life, one might be drawn to another more, and after a while, the dynamics may change again. We recognise that these changes are not always easy. We change, our likes and dislikes change, and our experiences also change.

This article about coping with changing friendships might be helpful for you at this time. Focus on the value of your relationships, see if you can talk about how you are feeling and at every stage, see if you can be open to meeting new people e.g. new people at work, uni, TAFE, sports - or anything you are involved in!

If you feel you want to speak to someone about how you are feeling, Kids Helpline is available or you can even book a free 1:1 Reach Out Peer Chat.

You are not alone. Your experiences are real and valid. We are here to support you through this.

Hi @green_racoon 

Yeah, I can relate. For me, it feels like everyone is sort of growing up and turning into proper adults without me. They’re doing all these cool things that I wish I could do like travelling and having relationships. If I’m honest I am a little envious of them. It’s not a nice feeling and they certainly didn’t do anything wrong. I try to remember that everyone is at a different stage in life so there’s no real use in comparing myself to them, but I am only able to believe it some of the time.

Do you have any friends you still feel a strong connection to? It may be nice to hang out with them and reaffirm the connection. What do you want for your future? What plans do you have?

I guess friendships change over time, just like anything really. Part of me wishes they didn’t and wants to go back to when we were in school and were hanging out every day and things were simpler. But another part is proud to see the people they become and looks forward to seeing them continue to grow. It’s bittersweet but I think I'm okay with that.