being autistic and accepting it but still running from it at the same time

hi iona thanks for the welcome to the community i was diagnosed a while ago but i spend so long running and trying to deny the truth to myself because i was scared of facing it for fear of how people would see me because of the stigmas that have always surrounded it but ever since i was diagnosed one of the biggest questions i've had is related to identity and whether autism is a disability or an identity? and how i should see myself in relation to communicating with others? i've been feeling alone and like people can't relate to me in the social aspect of things how do you overcome feeling lonely and feeling like your isolated but at the same time I feel like I have in a way come to grips with it but confuses on how to move forward and I'm in that place of knowing I've accepted it. but not knowing how to stop running from it at the same time?

Thanks for replying @lillypond 😊

I think what you're describing is really common for so many autistic people, so you're definitely not alone. I think deciding whether you feel like being autistic is your identity or a disability is a totally personal decision. Maybe you feel like it's one or the other, maybe you feel like it's a bit of both, or maybe it takes a while to figure it out. All of this is completely ok and there's no right or wrong answers, or time limit on how quickly you need to decide. 

Many neurodivergent people find communicating with others difficult, is that true for you too? Have you tried connecting with other autistic people? I know I've found it so much easier to make friends with other neurodivergent people, they just get it 😊 Do you have any special interests?

Thanks Iona I’ve been struggling to find others who are like me and I also find it really difficult to communicate with people  I love to read, sing and listen to music but lately I’ve been finding music isn’t helping a lot and the thoughts going through my head have had me feeling really stressed and overwhelmed to the point where I woke up this morning not feeling the best and I think my stress levels because of those thoughts might be beginning to have a toll on my physical health any thoughts on how I can prevent that and prevent depression from setting in?

Finding friends can be a challenge when you're autistic, but I think once you find your people you'll find it much easier to connect. Have you tried joining any autistic Facebook groups? They can be great for finding like-minded people. I find following autistic creators on Instagram and TikTok to be really affirming too, it's a nice reminder that there ARE other people that think the way I think! You might also like to check to see if there are any local support groups you could join here.

When you talk about the thoughts in your head that are making you feel stressed and overwhelmed, is that mostly about feeling judged by others, or something else?

I think in a way it has to do with being judged by others and feeling disconnected from the people around me I'm the only one in my family who's autistic so a lot of it also has to do with feeling like I'm unable to relate with my family in any ways and I've been starting to feel depressed with feelings of often times feeling an outsider looking in because I feel like they can't really relate to the autistic side of me and feeling like in order to even try and relate with them I'm having to feel like I have to hide the autistic side of me sometimes and it's been leaving me feeling really isolated and alone.

how do you find ways of coping with depression when your battling with your inner self and your feeling lost and alone ? I haven't tried seeing a psychologist or a therapist about how I've been feeling but is that something you would recommend as well? I'm at the stage where I'm 20 and slowly trying to gain my independence but not knowing how my parents would react if I told them I wanted to start seeing a psychologist or therapist on my own my mums been with me through every medical appointment I've ever been to but now that I'm trying to gain my independence I don't know how I would go about telling them that I want to start taking more charge of my health knowing I would be able to open up more if my parents weren't always there. I have been having low mood swings for a while now and I've been trying to find grounding points to help clear my head but are there grounding points you can suggest that you think would be really helpful?

Hey @lillypond 

I can totally relate to you describing the feeling of being an outsider looking in, and I'm sure nearly every other autistic person would too - it's a really upsetting feeling to deal with ❤️ I'm not sure that ever goes away completely in certain situations, but I know that finding friends that were autistic too has meant I have more times feeling connected, understood and on the inside 😊 This article I think describes just how you're feeling, you might like to have a read. Would you be open to trying to find some neurodivergent friends? If it feels too daunting in person, making friends online can be a less intimidating option too. You might like to check out I CAN Network, they have online group sessions for autistic people to meet with peers 😊

When it comes to feeling disconnected with family, have you let them know how you feel? It can be really difficult for neurotypical people to comprehend how our brains work, but being able to educate them and share how you see things might let them make some more effort to make you feel included. And if you can't find the words yourself, maybe you could share some content from autistic social media creators instead. What do you think? 

The depression that comes with being autistic and feeling alone is really tough, but talking to a therapist is actually one thing that's really helped me. I recommend finding a therapist who is either neurodivergent themselves, or specialises in autism, as that's played a big part in how my sessions are molded to what works for my brain. You can look for a psychologist here, and search by 'area of practice' to find one that has experience with autism 😊 

Starting to be more independent can feel like a big step, but you can turn it into little ones. Is there anything you'd like to do independently that might be a little less daunting than medical appointments? You could try doing smaller things on your own and slowly build up to bigger things like doctors appointments.

I'm sorry to hear you're having low mood swings at the moment, it's definitely understandable with everything you are processing at the moment. And you're doing really well even if it may not feel like it! So I hope you feel proud for being so proactive and reaching out for some support with all of this 👏 I'm wondering if you enjoy stimming at all, or if you have a favourite stim perhaps? Letting yourself stim can be really grounding when you're feeling overwhelmed 🧡

thanks Iona I've been struggling to find the words to tell my parents how I feel so maybe I'll try sharing content from social media creators instead and I'm relieved to hear that going through low mood swings is understandable and normal with everything I'm processing at the moment I do enjoy stimming and I like to read and colour in sometimes and I've tried journalling a few times but that one is hard to do I've been trying to find online support groups as well and I would like to try being a little more independent in meeting new people out in the community who are neurodivergent like me and work my way up to bigger things