debriefing
So my psych is about to become a registered psychologist (predictability by April) as she’s been a provisional psychologist for a while, and the costs to see a registered psychologist (even via bulk billing) is still a lot more pricey than a provisional psychologist. I have worked with her for 6 months now and she’s been a great psych for me. Though I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps seeking psychological/counselling therapy isn’t for me overall and that I’m much better off with talking to a peer worker, or a counsellor whose a ND herself (that my peer worker and others have suggested).
After my ‘awkward’/frustrating session with her that I’ve had within the past few days (details about that are mentioned below), I considered on ending my sessions with her and never see her again with 1. Because of this. And 2. Because again, seeing a registered psych is more expensive than seeing a provisional psychologist and looking at my current budget, I won’t be able to afford it.
At the end, I was able to find another service (thanks to my peer worker that gave me a link to it) where there’s a counsellor who is a ND (she’s also autistic) herself, and the costs of the sessions in that service are more cheaper than seeing a psych.
A summary of what happened during my sesh with her
During our session, (I didn’t request for her to go through this, she wanted to) she was going through the part about building up social skills with me, and that’s where things started to get pretty awkward and the fact she kept asking me all these “what’s stopping you from _____” “what’s scares you about ___” etc. questions, though she repeatedly asked me those similar (if not same questions) like about 4 or 5 times during our session, and that’s the really annoying part of it. I had to keep saying stuff to her like “I’m not used to it”, “no” everytime she asked me those kinds of questions repeatedly.
I’m neurodivergent and from my own experience, I know that our brains work differently. So, from all the counsellors and psychologists that I’ve sought counselling/support/help with over the past years including my current psych, all of them gave me the same approach about ‘stepping out of my comfort zone’ when it comes to building up my social skills when in reality, that still takes an extensive amount of time for me to get used to it and become comfortable with doing it. It’s like all of them are pushing me to do something I’m not comfortable with in such a short amount of time… I don’t find that kind of approach they’re doing (when it comes to working/improving on my social skills) to be helpful, and it comes off as them invalidating my struggles with socialisation long term, especially as a ND myself. And considering that I continually struggle to form coherent sentences everytime I talk verbally as well, that makes it even worse.
she was also pointing out about a certain body language that I was “presenting” to her throughout our difficult session regarding this topic — like when I was holding/clasping my hands together whilst slightly moving my fingers, she noticed that and said “I can see that you’re feeling nervous. What makes you nervous about this?” like seriously?? and then she also said to me “I can see that you’re breathing out a little bit.” I might be crazy but I don’t think that’s necessary of her (and any other mental health professionals) to point out their clients’ body languages and assume that they’re feeling a certain way.
After our session, I was left off feeling really let down and unmotivated to work on any of my assignments, but I have been able to speak to my peer worker about it during that same evening and she’s much more easy to talk to. I told her about what happened during the session with my psych and she was more understanding about it.
Comments
Hey @Blueberries,
It makes total sense that you’d feel frustrated and kind of let down after that session. It can be really disheartening when someone keeps asking the same type of questions or makes assumptions based on body language, especially when you’re already feeling uncomfortable or not fully understood. In light of this, I want to acknowledge that you're not overreacting for feeling the way you did.
It also sounds like you’ve made a really thoughtful choice by exploring different types of support. Talking with someone who shares your neurodivergence and really gets it can make a huge difference. There’s nothing wrong with stepping back from something that’s no longer feeling helpful, especially if it’s becoming a financial stress too.
I’m really glad you had your peer worker to talk to after that session. It can make such a difference just having someone who listens without judgment and respects your experience.
As a few people have suggested, I'm wondering what self-care looks like for you and if there's anything on this list that you could do in the next few days? I find that the smallest of things can make the biggest differences, such as going on walks outside or calling a friend for a chat.
I'm wishing you the very best moving forward! Please know the ReachOut community will always be here to listen and support you. 💛
Hey @Blueberries ,
I just want to say first—I hear you, and I really feel for what you’re going through. That sounds like such a draining and frustrating experience, especially after you’ve already built a connection with your psych over six months. It makes total sense that this sudden shift, combined with the awkwardness of that last session, would leave you feeling off and kind of disheartened.
Honestly, the way you explained how your psych kept asking those “what’s stopping you from...” questions over and over again—I’d feel annoyed too. You’d already answered, and it’s like she wasn’t really listening or respecting the fact that repeating the same questions doesn’t magically make something easier. That constant push to “step outside your comfort zone” without acknowledging that it takes more time for some people (especially if you’re ND) just seems so tone-deaf. You’re not asking to stay stuck, you’re asking to go at your pace—and that’s completely fair.
And about her commenting on your body language and breathing? Ugh. That would make me feel so self-conscious. You’re already in a vulnerable space, and then to have someone basically narrating your nervousness like it’s a performance? No wonder you felt uncomfortable. That kind of thing can feel more invasive than helpful, like being observed instead of supported.
I think it’s actually really strong of you to recognize that this dynamic isn’t working for you anymore and to look into something that might suit you better, like a peer worker or a counsellor who’s also ND. The fact that your peer worker listened, supported you, and even helped you find a more affordable option is amazing—and kind of highlights the difference in approach, doesn’t it?
You’re not crazy at all for feeling let down. You deserve to be supported in a way that actually feels supportive to you, not in a way that others think should be. And it’s more than okay to outgrow a therapeutic relationship or decide it’s not what you need right now.
Whatever you decide to do next, I really hope it brings you more comfort and understanding. You deserve that.
@Almond_Platypus I've officially chose to end all my upcoming sessions with my current psych and I don't regret it one bit. ☺️💪🏼
Also, with the rise of cost of living, I currently have other stuff to pay (like rent, phone bills, food for now) that I need to worry about and I consider it to be a waste of time having to pay extra dollars for my budget. 🙏
Hey @Blueberries
It is so good to hear from you. Thank you for your update!
I am happy for you about your decision, and I wish you all the best in finding a new counsellor who shares similar experiences to you.
Have a great day.
I really appreciate your kind words @Almond_Platypus everything youve mentioned I 100% agree with and it really makes me happy knowing and seeing someone else that deeply understands about how I've felt about it all. So I really thank you so much, this made my day. 💕
What's even funny is that the psych herself is even specialised to help those that are ND (as well as most if not all other psychs and counsellors that I've sought help with in the past that also specialise to help those with ND), but yet when they do, generally their one and only approaches are only to do with not making the client themselves feel heard and only bombard them with such tips/advice and questions that are a lot of the times so unnecessary and unhelpful when it comes to them working with clients that struggle with social skills.
As much as I know that I'm free to let her know about how much I don't want nor wish for her to talk to me about working on my social skills, but at the same time, since she's not a psych/counsellor whose ND herself, I think it's best that I end my sessions with her and register for another service to see a counsellor who is also diagnosed with autism.
However, I've just had a thorough look at the consultation prices for this counsellor this morning, and apparently their costs are $65 for a 30 minute session, and $100 for a 50 minute session - which is $3 more than the amount I see my current psych who is currently a provisional psychologist. But since she's (my psych/provisional psych) about to become a registered psychologist by next month I suppose, the costs to see a registered psychologist (even through Medicare bulk billing) would be $200, so I know that I can't afford that much to see her. It's better that I don't anyway since it's not worth affording for something that you know that won't be worth it long-term.
Oh gosh, I'm really glad my message helped you feel seen—it means a lot that you shared that with me 💕 You deserve to feel supported and understood, especially when you’re opening up about something so personal and exhausting.
And yeah… it really is ironic (and honestly kind of frustrating) when professionals say they specialise in working with ND clients, but then fall back on these one-size-fits-all approaches that feel more like lectures than support. Like, where’s the actual listening? Where’s the tailoring of their approach to you? It's wild that so many of them miss the whole point of being neurodiversity-affirming.
I completely get what you mean about feeling like you could speak up and tell your psych you don't want to work on social skills, but also feeling like… maybe it’s just not worth it. Especially when they don't truly “get it” because they’re not ND themselves. It’s emotionally tiring having to constantly explain or justify why certain things don’t work for you—when the support should feel safe and low-pressure, not like another battle.
And honestly? I think your decision makes a lot of sense. Even if the ND counsellor’s prices are a tiny bit more than what you’re paying now, it sounds like the value you’d get emotionally and mentally would be way higher. You’re not just paying for time—you’re paying for someone who actually understands your brain and your needs without you having to do all the emotional labor of explaining it.
Also, wow… $200 for a session with a registered psych?? That’s steep. I agree with you 100%—why keep spending more on something that already doesn’t feel like a fit, just because it’s the default or the traditional option?
It’s clear you’ve put a lot of thought into this, and you’re being super honest with yourself about what’s working and what isn’t. That takes strength and self-awareness, and I honestly admire that so much. I hope the transition to the new service feels like a breath of fresh air. You deserve support that doesn’t feel like a struggle. 💛
Hi @Blueberries ,
I'm sorry to hear that you were uncomfortable during your psych session, and have been having trouble with a few different professionals in the past. Psychologists can vary a lot, so if you are ever interested in seeing one again, I hope you aren't deterred by this experience. Perhaps finding one that specialises in people with ND would be a good idea. That being said, you don't have to see a psychologist if you don't want to, and I'm really glad that you have a peer worker that you are comfortable with as well as the new ND counsellor you mentioned. Good on you for seeking out this support for yourself! I'm really pleased to hear that you are being proactive. 🎉
I think part of the reason that mental health professionals may point out body language is to help their clients feel seen, and help their clients to identify and express their feelings. I understand that it can be irritating if their assumptions don't match your experience though, or if what they are pointing out feels like it is taking away from what you really wanted ot talk about.
I totally get that being told to step out of your comfort zone repeatedly can be frustrating too. Do they ever give you advice on how to step out of your comfort zone? In my own experience, stepping out of my comfort zone has played a big role in building my social confidence, but I know it can be so difficult to do, especially at first. I don't know if this would be helpful for you, but I once heard about finding the limit of your comfort zone and just taking the very next step out of it, even if it seems tiny. For example, if the idea of asking someone to hang out feels too far out of your comfort zone (even I still get nervous about this and I'm way more confident than I used to be), maybe something that is just slightly out of your comfrot zone, like giving them a big smile when you make eye contact with them instead of looking away shyly, is a good first challenge. That's just a random example I tried to come up with to illustrate the point that perhaps if you feel you are always being pushed too far by your psychs, that reducing the step to something still a bit scary but manageable may help you work your way up to the bigger challenges.
Anyway, I wish you the best with your peer worker, your new counsellor, and your exisitng psych if you end up going back to her. Remember that you are allowed to tell your psych how you felt about the last session and discuss alternatives to the things that you are finding problematic in the session. If you feel like it isn't worth seeing her anymore (or you can't afford to) that is fine too of course. Take care! 💛
Hi @Blueberries
Thanks for reaching out and articulating your experience! Speaking to a counsellor or psychologist can often be very daunting. You might not know what to expect, what kind of approach they will take, their experience, etc - so I think a lot of people will appreciate the honesty in your experience, even if it was frustrating and disappointing at times.
I'm really glad to see that you are still taking something beneficial away from these meetings. You acknowledge that it might not be for you, and seem confident and grounded in what your needs are. This is great to hear. Through experience I've seen people try several different types of therapies or counsellors before they found the right match. It doesn't seem to be spoken about often - but it definitely is a normal part of finding the right solution for you.
If you feel more comfortable and heard with the peer worker or counsellor - keep at it! It's amazing to hear you found a potentially fantastic alternative solution with the help of the peer worker and I really hope it works out for you.
Best of luck 🌻
Thank you @formulafrenzy ❤️
Yesterday, I went to a forest therapy event, and it was an amazing experience. ☀️ 🍃 🌳
It's basically one of the health practices that helps with your mental and your physical health, and it has a lot of health benefits to it as well.
Wow - that sounds stunning 🥹
I feel like I experience that every time I visit a botanical garden!
Thanks for letting me know :))
Hi @Blueberries,
I just want to say, I really appreciate your strength in reaching out. It seems that you’re taking really good care of yourself by recognising what works and what doesn’t work for you and communicating and discussing this with someone such as your peer worker. I’m also happy to hear that you’ve already found another service with a counsellor who is also ND and that the costs are cheaper. I hope that she’ll be able to provide you with the support that you seek.
It’s sad to hear that your experience with counsellors and psychologists over the past years hasn’t been that much helpful in terms of improving your social skills. Building up social skills can be difficult and can take a long time and practice; rushing you to step out of your comfort zone and expecting you to improve in a short amount of time must’ve felt really overwhelming and invalidating.
I’m sorry about what happened during your session with your psych. I can understand your frustrations about her repeatedly asking you essentially similar questions even though you’ve already provided an answer. I also think that pointing out every little body language was not necessary. Psychologists are trained to look out for them to understand how their clients are feeling but pointing it out and assuming its cause without first clarifying with the client can feel really uncomfortable. I commend you for acknowledging how you felt during the session and I’m glad that you have been able to speak about this to your peer worker.
I can see that you’re already engaging in self-care, as talking about your concerns to someone can be a part of self-care, but I’m wondering if you’ve had the chance to do something nice for yourself like getting a sweet treat or rewatching your favourite show?
I wish you all the best in your journey. Sending you lots of hugs and love 🤗💙
Thank you, @Calming_Waves that means a lot. ❤️ I'm also glad to know someone who is on the same boat as me.
In terms of other self-care, I was able to work on my image analysis assessment during that same evening after my phone call with my peer worker whilst listening to music so that was great. I've also watched some of my favourite YouTube videos and some favourite pet videos from the pet accounts on Instagram I currently follow.
I hope you're well today ❤️
That's really great to hear @Blueberries! You're amazing 🙌
Also, pet videos can really make your day a whole lot better! They make me smile all the time 😆
Yesterday, I went to a forest therapy event, and it was an amazing experience. ☀️ 🍃 🌳
It's basically one of the health practices that helps with your mental and your physical health, and it has a lot of health benefits to it as well.
Wow, that sounds so cool! I never heard of a forest therapy event before, I should look that up.
I'm curious: What exactly do you do there, and if you don't mind me asking, what was your favourite part?
Glad to hear you had a great time ☺️💚
