Lonely and sad at university
Ever since I began university, I've struggled to be engaged in the content and socialise with others in my classes. I have joined societies but honestly, I'm just so deprived of energy to the point I want to bed rot.
I feel like I can't express this to my parents because they don't truly understand how I struggle with my social anxiety (they misconceive it so badly), and my friends mostly think I'm a lucky duck because I go to a "good university." (Except for one and I want to be with her so badly)
I also don't want to sound mean, but I just don't resonate with anyone in my cohort - I feel like I can't connect with anyone and small talk hurts me so bad. I feel like they wouldn't accept who I truly am. I just want to drop out or transfer degrees, but I can't drop out because of my parents' expectations
Comments
Hi @Lavender_Mammoth, thank you for sharing. It sounds like you’ve been having a hard time at university and it’s understandable that you’re feeling this way. University is difficult to navigate, with busier schedules and more workload, and the constant need to socialise—it can definitely feel draining. While uni is a great place for socialising, it often ends with just small talk and building deeper connections can feel more challenging than it was during high school. To be honest, I’m in my 4th year of my degree and I’ve only really made one close friend from uni and it also took us years before we became really close.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling to be engaged with your course. I am wondering if this is due to not being fully interested in your degree or if it’s because of the feeling that you’re unable to connect with anyone in your cohort? You’ve also mentioned wanting to drop out or transfer degrees. I agree with @MagsMae that this is a big decision and I’m wondering if you’ve had the chance to talk to anyone about this? It can feel a lot right now and talking to someone like a friend or a counsellor can help.
It’s also good to engage in some self-care right now. Are there any self-care methods that you do whenever you’re feeling stressed? For me, I often struggle with loneliness and the things I found that worked for me to ease at least a bit of my loneliness are doing arts and crafts like crocheting or rewatching my favourite shows.
I wish you all the best and I hope that things get better soon. Uni can feel isolating at times but know that you’re not alone in this. I’m sure a lot of people can resonate with your experience and it’s normal to feel this way about university. It is a huge transition and takes a lot of adjustment but it’s okay to take your time. Sending you lots of hugs and love 🤗💙
Thank you for sharing your experience with the ReachOut community. I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. 💛
University can be overwhelming on its own, and adding social anxiety to the mix makes it even more challenging. It sounds like you've been trying to put yourself out there by joining societies, but it's been exhausting and hasn’t led to the connections you were hoping for. That must feel really disheartening.
I struggled with this in my first year too. Over time, I found that joining clubs based on my interests and being part of study groups helped me connect with people who shared similar values. However, I know that when social anxiety kicks in, even those steps can feel daunting. In those moments, is there anything that helps you manage those feelings. For me, I find it helpful to keep some things in my bag, such as fidget toys and a good book.
I’ve also noticed some great suggestions from others about easing into a routine and finding a balance between work and rest. It’s okay if that takes time as adjusting to university is a huge transition. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and I hope you find a path that feels right for you.
Wishing you the very best moving forward and sending hugs! 🤗
Hey @Lavender_Mammoth ,
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, thanks so much for reaching out, that takes courage. I want you to know that what you're experiencing is valid, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. University can be a huge adjustment, and it’s normal to struggle with both social anxiety and the pressure of academic life. You don’t have to face all of this alone, even though it might feel like no one understands right now.
Social anxiety can make everything harder, but it doesn’t define you, and you don’t have to push yourself into situations where you're not comfortable. It's okay to take your time and only engage in what feels manageable. It’s also okay to not click with everyone in your cohort. Not every person or group will be your fit, and that doesn’t make you wrong or strange. Social anxiety can make small talk feel draining, and that’s completely understandable. It’s important you allow yourself to move at your own pace and find the people who really get you. During my first year of university, I also felt lonely, and struggled to find my people. I am now in my third year and have made some amazing lifelong friends. You haven’t been there for very long, and finding true friends takes time, don’t loose hope, there’s people out there for you.
As for the thought of dropping out or changing degrees, that’s a big decision, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling stuck. Maybe, instead of jumping to that conclusion, I encourage you to consider talking to a counselor or someone you trust about your feelings, who might be able to help you look at things from a new perspective.
You don’t have to have everything figured out right now, and you definitely don’t have to pretend everything is okay when it’s not. You matter, and you deserve the time and space to find what feels right for you. Please be kind to yourself, and take it one day at a time. You're doing your best, and that's enough. 💛
Thanks for reaching out :))
Right off the bat I want to acknowledge that getting accepted into University is no joke. You're a total champ and that's on your persistence! That's all you ❤️
I hear what you're saying and it touches me personally because I went through a very similar experience. Your thoughts and feelings speak to a lot of people. University is such a tricky period because it can definitely get glamorised. I hear the phrase 'best years of your life' get thrown around a lot, but that doesn't truly highlight how it can sometimes be really draining to show up day after day, week after week.
I wonder if that's the perception your family and friends have? Maybe they just see you meeting the expectation of 'going to a good university' and anything following after that, such as showing up, making friends, completing assignments, etc, will naturally fall into place?
It might be worth taking a step back first. It sounds like we're early in the semester where attendance is high, there's a lot being thrown around, and everyone is just attempting to establish routine. Sometimes we might just get caught up with putting a lot of stuff on our plate and not knowing where to start - which is totally valid because I see that message of *doing this* and *doing that* being pushed a lot.
For me it was important to just get myself in a routine. Just me and my workload and anything after that would slowly be added in.
Without considering others, I'm wondering how do you feel about your degree? Are you interested in the content? Is there an alternative degree/major that you might be gravitating towards?
Let me know 🙂
