Giving up on my dreams

Last year I decided I wanted to study at a game design college because I wanted to make my own games. I have an idea for a game and I was really excited about all the possibilities. Unfortunately the first and currently only course I did ended up not being right for me, because I didn’t pass due to finding some of the work too hard to finish. I didn’t even know I hadn’t submitted that work. It came as a genuine shock to find out I didn’t submit everything, because there was so much sh** I had to do that some things just got lost in all the chaos. I have a few days left to finish that work and pass, but I don’t know how to do any of it by myself.

I read the Reach Out article on coping with failing a course, but it’s not that easy for me. Because if I don’t pass this course, I can’t get concession costs at any more courses there, and the normal fees are so expensive we could never afford them. I want to do a course in art and animation because drawing is my passion, but everyone is talking me out of it. The staff at the college said I wouldn’t like to be in a classroom because I’ve demonstrated that I don’t cope well in classroom environments; I’m extremely socially awkward and at the very bottom of the social hierarchy, so I probably wouldn’t fit in there just like I don’t fit in anywhere else I’ve been. And now my family’s saying I wouldn’t like the online course because it would be too hard for me to do it all by myself. It’s always been like this for me, every single time there’s a course or hobby or whatever I want to do people around me talk me out of it by telling me I wouldn’t cope, until ultimately all my options are crossed out. So now it’s looking like I’m gonna have to give up my dream of making games because everyone’s telling me I can’t do it. I’m so fu**ing sick of getting my hopes up for things only to have my dreams crushed. While other people out there have beautiful perfect lives with dream jobs, wonderful friends and no problems ever, I’m here having accomplished nothing in the 20 years of my sad existence. Even the things I can do like drawing and writing I’m terrible at compared to people who are just naturally better than I ever will be. If this keeps up, one day I’ll have no choice but to abandon all my hobbies and dreams, and along with them, my future. Sometimes I think I just don’t belong in this world full of negativity and cynicism.