And for what I mean by people saying there’s no hope... well, it’s no one person in particular, it’s just the vibe I get from negative people. I don’t know what more I can say about it; people just love to spread bad news and complain about how everything’s getting worse but not doing anything to help. And it’s gotten to the point where I find myself believing them, because from my observation this year has just been an endless barrage of bad news in the media. Last year it seemed like there was at least some good environmental news that helped give me hope, but now it looks like all that good news ended up being for nothing because it’s been negated by all the horrible things that have happened this year. I don’t know if I can look forward to the future after such a devastating year; I just don’t see how things can ever get better now. And I really want to be able to look forward to prospects for me next year, like working, studying and saving up to go to Japan one day. Hope is an extremely important thing to have; and if you lose that for good, it’s all over... ... View more

I’m sorry, I should’ve probably communicated that I don’t think Melbourne is a completely toxic place. Because that’s definitely not true, there’s also a lot of positivity there too. I don’t mean to generalize an entire group as being all positive or negative. I just meant that sometimes, I feel that it can be quite a stressful and overwhelming place to be at times. I think my problem is that when I’m in the city or other overwhelming places by myself, I feel vulnerable, like I’m worried that at any moment something could happen to upset me and I won’t be able to cope with it by myself. However, I bought some “coping companion” cards being sold by an organization called Checkpoint at another convention I went to just yesterday, this one being PAX. This was my 3rd year in a row going to PAX and I had a really good time. Seeing all the independent games people in Australia (especially within Victoria) were showcasing got me excited, and I want to support the local games industry as much as I can and hopefully one day be a part of it, because I still haven’t given up on that dream. PAX also had a lot of stuff on mental health support; I went to a panel on mental health issues and the benefits video games can have, where they said games can be great for escapism and helping people unwind if it’s a game they enjoy. I like sticking to games that I find fun and relaxing to play, like Pokémon, Super Smash Bros. and Stardew Valley. They touched on a lot in that panel, I can go more into it if you want. I also saw a panel on writing narrative for games, which I found helpful; one thing that stuck in particular was that they said to just allow yourself to write something that’s not great because you can always go back and fix it. The last panel I saw was more of a funny one, it was watching girls play the KFC visual novel and it was really funny. There is also a game design class I wanted to get into that was advertised in PAX, it is for people with asperger syndrome and is apparently more of a social and safe environment. I’d really like to go there because it might be what I need. Have I mentioned I am on the autism spectrum? Because I feel I should clear it up because it would explain a lot about me. ... View more

Thanks for the suggestions. Lately I’ve been trying to take time out most days to do some drawing to build my art portfolio, because I’d like to be able to sell art prints at a small event by next year, and also get more exercise by using my trampoline and walking our dogs. I’ve also been wanting to write my own fictional story; I’ve dabbled in it before over the years, but now I want to take writing seriously. I’ve got an idea for the story and characters and themes; the story will have heavy psychological themes and be about overcoming trauma and standing up for yourself and what you believe in. However I’m having a hard time with it because coming up with a coherent plot is difficult, not to mention the actual writing process. I’m having a hard time just beginning it. And I want to write this story as a means of self-expression in the hopes of helping myself. 2019 has been a really traumatic year for me. I’ve tried to stay positive all these years, but all the negative reinforcement from people saying how there’s no hope for us has just kept on beating me down. That’s what I hate about the society here in Melbourne, it just feels like there’s this really unhealthy negative mentality people have that makes it feel like a really toxic place, and I feel like I just don’t fit in.   On a bit of a more positive note once again, have you heard of Adrian Eagle? I’ve listened to some of his music and even seen him preform live at a free concert, and his music has very uplifting and hopeful themes that I can appreciate. Check of this article about him: https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/music/2019/sep/26/adrian-eagle-on-surviving-self-hate-my-anxiety-was-extreme-i-didnt-want-to-see-anybody It discusses his struggles with anxiety and negative reinforcement that caused him to shut himself off from people until he started to upload his music to the world. ... View more

Since the weekend I’ve been feeling a little better, but I’d like to stress that unfortunately avoiding upsetting news is not that easy. No matter how hard I try, it’s a garuntee I will come across newspapers, news on TV and posters of bad news out in the open. Earlier this year during my time studying video game design, I heard about a lot of bad news from the news bulletins in the building the college was in. It was around the time of the election when it seriously felt like the nation was falling apart, and in hindsight I should have known that with all the negativity and hate everywhere the election could have only ended in tears, which it did. So sadly that made my time studying that course very unhappy, although the actual course itself wasn’t really what I wanted to do anyway. Getting back into the subject on isolation, I felt pretty lonely during that course because I couldn’t click with anyone else in the class. A lot of the other people in that class were the type of people that are obnoxiously loud and completely unaware of their surroundings, the type of people that infuriate me. I’m not trying to say I was completely in the right either by being so irritable, but I was just in a bad mind frame during my time there. That all being said, however, I want to try and bring up some more positive things. A few days ago when I was feeling low I decided to help myself feel better by volunteering for the Greens party. The other day I got an e-mail for them linking me to a Facebook page I can be a part of, however I feel nervous on following up. To be honest I’m worried that it will be confronting for me, even if it is ultimately for good. So right now I’m not sure what I should do about it. I’ve also been doing independent radio for a while now, recently I’ve been a regular co-host on two of their shows, one on video games and another on arts and culture, both things I’m into, and I’ve met a few people there. I think I was asked before in this discussion if I met anyone I could be friends with, and there is a transgender girl I’ve talked to a little bit, but I’m a bit nervous about asking if we can hang out more. Unfortunately for about two months now I’ve been taking a break from going to radio because I’ve been feeling too anxious to go back, and everytime I feel like I’m ready to go back my anxiety escalates again. I really would like to go back, but I’m too afraid... I’m sorry if that didn’t sound too positive, but I really do want to overcome these fears. ... View more

Sorry, but I need to take the discussion into a bit of a different direction for a little bit. It still links into what we discussed before. I’ll go back to talking about solutions after this, just bear with me.   Today I went with my mum and sister to Collingwood, Brunswick and Fitzroy because there were markets and a gallery exhibition on that I wanted to see. And all throughout the day, I felt really anxious. I remember in the car my heart was beating and I my mind was racing. I tried taking deep breaths at one point but my stress levels were just so high when nothing had happened to trigger my anxiety yet. The upsetting news article was on Australian climate change, and it was a very bleak and hopeless article. I showed it to my family so they could help, but nothing could calm me down after reading that. That night I knew that when I woke up the next morning, the memory would hit me with a wave of despair, and it did. I felt anxious still all day, and then came the time when I had to walk my dog. I tried asking Mum to come with me, but they were too busy watching the grand final so I just gave up and went by myself. I didn’t want to go alone because I knew that when I was feeling emotionally vulnerable, the worst thing for me is to be alone with all the negative thoughts racing through my head. And sure enough, during the walk I got increasingly mad and anxious; I remember catastrophising things in my mind as I was scowling, unable to calm down and think clearly. And when I got back, I snapped at my mum and sister and went in my room, where I was overcome with guilt for overreacting. I apologized and everything was fine, but I still haven’t recovered. The whole time we were out I felt insecure, and I just wanted to be back home where I could relax. But even still, there’s this anxiety in the back of my head. I think you’ll be pretty hard pressed to find someone more worried and anxious about the planet than me. It is one of the most severe worries to have, and I have tried all these things to calm my nerves; looking up good environmental news, buying sustainable products that help environmental causes, using a keep cup and tote bags... but I still feel powerless, like nothing I do will matter in the end. I can’t attend a rally because of my anxiety; and if just seeing the signs carried by people after last rally could make me terrified, how mentally damaging would it be if I was right in the middle of one? I would love to believe that these protests will bring positive change, but every single time it seems like things only get worse. I’ve had a miserable year. Every year I pray for things to be better for me and the world, but after this year, I’m extremely close to losing hope for the future. And I don’t want to. I want to live, but living right now is so hard for me.   Sorry, I don’t mean to be negative and bring everyone down. This is just how I really feel deep down. ... View more

Here are just three of Jaiden’s videos that I think will be the most helpful. She has plenty of other videos, and a lot of them are just funny stories as well as more personal topics, but she always has a sense of humour and optimism in her videos which is really great.   Anxiety: https://youtu.be/sbtQp7C1MDs Self Improvement: https://youtu.be/2RQH5Ycj1C8 Relationships: https://youtu.be/4H9jTQKmR3Q   I hope you enjoy!! ... View more

Sorry I took a while to reply again. Yesterday I had another anxiety attack after reading some really upsetting news and I’m still trying to recover. On Sunday I went to see the panels that had my favourite creators in it. First I caught part of a talk about using your platform for good, but the most important two panels for me were the mental health discussion and the animators power hour. Jaiden Animations, who is perhaps my favourite YouTube creator and animator, was part of both of them, and the animator panel also had Maaz, Sultan, Jordan Sweeto and TheOdd1sOut. The mental health panel was really great for me because they touched on a lot of stuff about dealing with mental struggles. The animator panel was really good too. Those people have really helped me with their content because watching their videos gives me something to look forward to, and it’s great to see them in person. They’re such positive people, I wish more people could be like them. I also saw the send off show which included the animators playing a You Don’t Know Jack game which was funny also. Last weekend at Vidcon was a big highlight of my year. I think it might have been the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I just don’t want to throw away all that positivity now that it’s over and I’ve come crashing back down to earth. I’d like to show some videos by Jaiden. They’ve really helped me and they could help other people here too. ... View more

Sorry I haven’t replied till now, I had a busy weekend with Vidcon, but I had a really good time. I enjoyed the opening show and it helped cheer me up. Then on Saturday I went to a market that was on with Mum and my sister before arriving at Vidcon. I had a good time at the market and especially at the actual convention; on Saturday I mostly just looked at the merchandise the creators were selling and bought a few posters, pins, a plushie and on Sunday a t-shirt, so it was a pretty good haul. I met most of the creators I was a fan of; those being Sultan from the videos I showed before, TheAmaazing, Wolfychu and Jordan Sweeto. I was really happy meeting them! If you’re interested look them up on YouTube. Also I saw a panel with the Try Guys (I actually didn’t know who they were before Vidcon, but I enjoyed the panel) and that was fun. Anyway this reply is getting long so I’ll tell you about Sunday later, but Sunday was really good too. ... View more

I hope you don’t mind if I go a little off topic, but this links to what we’ve been talking about and it’s important. Today I heard there was going to be a climate strike in Melbourne, so I decided to stay home out of fear. I have had a negative experience with rallies like this recently for being very negative and seemingly only making things worse. However, I have a weekend pass to Vidcon on right now, and tonight the opening show was on so I decided to go. But what I didn’t expect was that people were still leaving the city from the rally, so when I was on the train, I saw many people with signs and t-shirts from the rally, and it terrified me. From what I saw, it was so negative and hateful, and it made me feel so afraid; I was starting to have an anxiety attack and desperately tried calling my family to talk to someone so they could console me. I ended up talking to Dad and I explained and he helped calm me down for the time being. Although I was still shaken up, I was able to enjoy the Vidcon opening show. But then, during the train ride home my anxiety attack started up again, and when Mum picked me up I tried explaining how I felt and worked myself back up into a state of panic. I calmed down again, but even now I’m scarred by what I saw today. Lately I’ve been afraid of going into the city because lately almost everytime I go in something upsetting like this happens, and this has only helped validate my fears even more. My loneliness comes into play here because when I’m alone and vulnerable like this, my mind starts being mean to me. I’m left alone with just my negative thoughts playing on repeat over and over. I wish I could be with somebody to help me feel better, but it’s because of the society around me that I’ve ended up like this. A lot of the times I feel like Melbourne has become a very negative, mentally unhealthy place for people like me. At the end of Sultan’s video I shared, he says why spend your time on somebody toxic who puts you down and makes you feel like s**t when you can surround yourself with awesome friends. But for me, I feel like I’m stuck with the toxic people because I can’t find positive people, or when I do, I hardly ever get to see them and I don’t feel like we’re really friends. ... View more

I’d like to share another video (or two rather) by another animator on YouTube who goes by Sultan Sketches on how he was bullied in school and had trouble making friends because he was victim to a social hierarchy, which I think is similar to my situation. If it makes any difference, he’s also Australian. Part 1: https://youtu.be/d-3h4abKMlY Part 2: https://youtu.be/5XtoQeV6nSU ... View more

You’re lucky to have met good people who are in your life right now (I assume they still are, right?). Unfortunately as someone who doesn’t really have any close friends that I get to hang out with on a regular basis, my outlook on society is pretty bleak. I wonder that if I had just one good wholesome friendship right now I would feel more positive. Someone to show me that there are still good people out there even in such dark times. I thought I would share something my Mum sent me on Instagram a while back. I would love to believe in number 7 in particular, but unfortunately with all the negativity I’ve witnessed from people lately I feel like I have no choice but to let it bring me down.   ... View more

Also, I do have a health care card if that’s what you mean. ... View more

Today I texted my Dad asking if he can help me see a doctor, and he’s gonna look at one near his work for me. But I also need to spend more time outside and not locked up indoors. I’ve gotten some chamomile tea as well since I read that it helps headaches. Today I had a mild headache and after going out for a little bit with my mum and sister I head a tea and had a nap to sleep my headache off, but now it’s gotten worse. ... View more

Lately I’ve been living my life in constant worrying and fear. I’m terrified of the outside world, because I know all too well how horrible people can be towards each other. I’m always worrying about everything, and a lot of the time it’s just too much for me to deal with alone. It helps me to be around someone like my sister or guardian so I have someone to talk to. Most of the time I hate being by myself because I feel so vulnerable being left alone with my thoughts that always go to a dark place. I hate being so anxious to the point of paranoia. I just want to go back to being a happy person who can enjoy life. ... View more

I just watched the video again to make sure I was clear on it, and I don’t isolate myself from everyone. I live with my mother and older sister and I talk to and go out with them often. Me and my sister even consider each other best friends. More recently I’ve gotten a guardian as part of my ndis support, she’s around my age and I get to see her on the weekend. I like going out with her but it takes me time to open up to people, and I’d like to be more sociable. Every time I go to a course or something I hope to find someone I can become friends with; and not just someone I only hang out with during class and don’t see again after the course ends. I want someone I can talk to outside class and have a real connection with. Unfortunately it’s really hard for me due to the social hierarchy. Last course I did no one was really interested in me, or when I did talk to someone we just wouldn’t click. I also go to community radio on and off, I’m a part of a show on there that talks about video games, but I haven’t gone for a while now because I get so nervous going there and when there are a lot of people at once on the show I feel socially anxious. Sent from my iPod ... View more

Thank you for your support. Today I bought some sleepy time tea that I will try to help me sleep better. Lately I've been getting to sleep at around 11-12pm because I'm usually up on my phone, which I know is a bad habit and I would like to try and break it. I hear lavender oil is also good for headaches, so I will try and get some lavender essential oil. This is until I get to see a doctor about it. I don't know if I can convince mum because she'll probably keep saying no, and she doesn't like me going behind her back to do things. So I don't know how I'm gonna be able to see a doctor about this. Sent from my iPhone ... View more

I took an eye examination when I got my glasses not too long ago, and I don’t think there’s an issue with the glasses. I’m not studying at the moment so I would have to go somewhere else. Could I go to a pharmacist and ask for some medication? Though I’m not sure if I’d need my doctor to prescribe some to me first. I’m sorry if this isn’t normally what we’re supposed to discuss, but I don’t know where else to turn to. Sent from my iPod ... View more

Thanks. Actually, I’m sorry to change the subject suddenly, but I need help with brainstorming a fictional story I want to write. I’m really struggling to come up with ideas, and I’ve tried asking some other people for help, but I keep coming to a dead end. My story will focus on a lot of psychological themes, so I thought maybe people who have had experience with mental struggles could help me out. Wanna try? Sent from my iPod ... View more

Maybe. I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet. I’d like to pursue these studies and see where it goes. I had fun in the tutoring session actually, with just me and the tutor I was able to concentrate and ask for help whenever I needed. The problem I faced in a classroom was that I struggled to work with so much noise from other people around me, and I couldn’t always ask for help. Does that sound selfish? Well, if I did another course there that teaches art-related subjects, I don’t know if I would get along with more students because we would share the same hobby and maybe have better chemistry, or if I would still struggle in a classroom environment due to my social anxiety. Much like Jaiden I am super shy and awkward, just in case I haven’t gotten that across yet. And speaking of which, may I share some more animator videos? This is another YouTube animator called Katzun, with one video on anxiety and another on introversion. Anxiety: https://youtu.be/4ldJ3YbiuU0 Introvert: https://youtu.be/Mtyy3x5qAFI Sent from my iPod ... View more

I have some good news! Two weeks ago I did my first tutoring session to try and complete my course. This week I had a second session and my tutor said I finished all the work! Now I should be able to get my certificate and study another course there. I hope I get to study art foundations by next year, I would like to be involved in the design aspect of making video games. Sent from my iPod ... View more

Thanks for suggesting the page, but it looks like it hasn’t been updated since 2014. Have you heard of the YouTube creator Jaiden Animations? She makes animated videos where she talks about stuff, like telling stories, discussing things, and most importantly, offering advice and support based off her own personal experience. I love watching her videos, she is one of my favourite YouTube channels now and next month I’ll get to see her at a panel in VidCon Australia. Here are 3 videos that I’d recommend you check out. On Relationships: https://youtu.be/4H9jTQKmR3Q On Anxiety: https://youtu.be/sbtQp7C1MDs On Self-Improvement: https://youtu.be/2RQH5Ycj1C8 She has some other videos that are more about funny topics, but these ones I thought were most relevant to this forum. Sent from my iPod ... View more

I hope you don’t mind me replying after some time. I didn’t know what to write. Did I specify before that I have asperger syndrome? I apparently only have a mild case and am “high-functioning”, but in society I feel very low-functioning. I have become terrified of people, I feel like I cannot mentally cope in our society with how negative people are in Australia. Every day I think to myself how I want to go back to the good old days when everything was perfect because I don’t belong here anymore. It’s like the song “1996” by The Wombats; “I’m not cut out for the modern life”. Whether it’s on the internet or in the city, there are so many aggressive dickish entitled people and they’re the ones who stand out because they actively try to bring everyone down, and boy do they succeed. My self-esteem often goes up and down like a rollercoaster too, and right now it’s pretty low. Lately I’ve been putting myself down because I think I’m a pathetic piece of crap, and I certainly feel like one. I’m at the bottom of the social hierarchy. The people who attract the most attention in western societies are arseholes. You know the saying “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? Well that’s clearly not true; toxic people use that vinegar to drown the flies. ... View more

To be honest, doing creative hobby stuff is the only real way I can think of that really helps me deal with all the worries I've been having like my worries about climate change and looming threats to the planet, and seeing our attitude about protecting the planet getting more and more negative and hopeless in Australia. I do creative things in an attempt to take my mind off that stuff, or at least as much as possible. Stuff like putting together videos with Adobe and making cosplay outfits to wear at conventions, but most importantly creating my story and characters because the story will tie in with themes of mental health and the struggles in society. I want to start writing my story as soon as possible to get it out there because I think it will help me unload a lot of emotions and express myself, but I still need to plan the story out before I'm ready to start writing. I keep proscatonating and holding it off, I just want nothing more than to be able to write and finish a story I'm happy with. ... View more

Yeah, I would love to make a game based around my story one day. But first, I’d like to be able to share my work with people. Maybe once I start work on it I can share it here on a new forum? I am nervous about sharing my work with people though, because the thing is you never know how people are gonna react to it. People might either love it or they’ll be absolutely horrified, and you won’t know until you show it. Not to mention that on the internet there will always be that group of people that feel the need to bash other people’s work and try to discourage them. I think in the end though, I want to make this story for myself, but again if I can make other people happy with it that would be great. Sent from my iPod ... View more

Thanks. It makes me feel better to hear other people say they feel the same, but talk about it in a calm and constructive manner instead of being negative themselves. I’m sorry if this thread has gone off the rails and is becoming about something different than what it started out as. But I guess it all fits into the topic of mental health and positivity vs. negativity... right? Getting back on topic of creativity, I find that creative hobbies are perhaps my best coping mechanism. Creating stories and characters I believe can be a great way of self expression. I want to create a story to express my own views on society and mental health. I’ve been working on the plot and characters for a while now, and I tried to start before but I couldn’t get far without thinking it was terrible and I just couldn’t get into it so I dropped it. Now I’m getting more ideas for my story, and I want to brew my ideas just a bit longer before I start and hopefully finish writing a story I’m happy with. I would love to share my work with people and hopefully help them get through hard times just like how it has helped me. Sent from my iPod ... View more

Yeah, I try and do that sometimes. It puts me in a good mood when I go to a store, cafe etc. and the people who serve me are really nice, or when I’m in an environment where I feel I can be myself, such as at an anime convention or on independent radio. I just worry that kind acts can feel like a thankless job, because lots of people can invalidate any positivity and shoot down other people’s optimism, and then they make us get brought down by them. This is especially common on places like Facebook and Twitter, which have mutated into a toxic wasteland that’s contributed greatly to the negative attitude of our society. I just know there’s gonna be people calling 2019 the worst year ever, and if they want to believe that then it will be. Sent from my iPod ... View more

Thanks, but I also wanted to bring up the other things I briefly mentioned. At the end of my first post I said I don't feel like I belong in such a cynical society. I want to stress that more; these last few years I've watched society around me tear itself apart and break my spirit. In the past I posted about how I sometimes feel ashamed to be Australian, and I owe it to the extreme negativity of our society turning Australia into a toxic wasteland full of hate. I think the reason I have social anxiety is because I'm surrounded by cynical people who bring me down. Nobody's trying to do anything about this toxic attitude, we just make each other think it's okay to be like this while we dig ourselves deeper into the abyss. Sent from my iPhone ... View more

Thank you. However I should mention that my family is not at all unsupportive of my dreams. They've been very supportive over the years and want to see me improve myself and do what makes me happy. I just have disagreements with my family at times. However it looks like now I've been given an extension to finish the work and now I have plenty of time to do it. So things look more optimistic now. I hope that next year I can return to do the course I want. The place I've gone to has a big reputation and they are very understanding of me; apparently 50% of people don't pass the course I did, and they told me not to be hard on myself. So don't worry too much for me; I'm sorting things out right now and my family's got my back. I would also like to work on being a more social person who can hang out with friends, speak up with more confidence and be more positive. Sent from my iPhone ... View more