Thinking about transitioning to non-binary.
Hello. I know it's been a hot minute since I was last here. This is actually my first time here all year. I can't say I'm all better, I still have a lot to handle in my head every day and it's still frustrating, but I think I'm on an upwards trajectory. Things are hopefully beginning to look up for me, I've been getting back out into the outside world more this year, I'm looking at getting my first real job and I've found a weekly meetup group in the city that's been going well for me so far.
What I'm here to talk about today is that these past few days, I've been thinking more about whether it would be a good decision for me to start identifying as non-binary after identifying as male for 22 years. I know that just about anyone pro-LGBT will support me in that, but it's a big decision for me to make and I've only really given it serious thought for the last few days. First of all, I don't know how I would go about it; I don't think I would take hormone replacements or anything, just start using the pronouns they/them for myself and maybe wearing clothes and having other things that are a bit more girly, but still mostly androgynous. I just wonder what kind of steps I would need to take in order to make it "official", and then I'd have to tell everyone I know about my new identity too. Second, I need to really think about the reasons why I would want to be enby. I think it's mainly because in the past few years I've started to like more girly things now that it's become more normalized for guys to be into that stuff, but I think I'm still worried about feeling the need to maintain a 'masculine' image. Secondly, I tend to like hanging out with women more than men; my favourite characters in fictional works almost always tend to be female, and in video games I even tend to make my avatar female if I have the option. Not to mention I would also love to be part of the LGBT community in a way as I have a very positive view of the community and have been more into supporting them in past years as well. Can someone please help me decide if this is the right thing for me to do?
Comments
Hey @Bento , it's really nice to hear from you, and I'm so happy to hear that things are on an upwards trajectory for you!
I think @Tiny_leaf has given such wonderful and thoughtful advice below, and I'm so glad you feel comfortable coming here to have a chat about your gender identity and maybe transitioning to identifying as non-binary. I think they have really hit the nail on the head with what they've written. There really is no pressure to do anything in a certain 'order'- look at what you're comfortable with, and maybe start with smaller steps like the clothes you wear, and the pronouns you use. The LGBTQ+ community is such a wide, diverse and accepting community, and there really is no pressure to know all of the answers to these questions now. It's all about working out what you're comfy with, and exploring that.
I thought you may be interested in having a read through this chat that we had with ReachOut's LGBTQ+ community, so many of them can relate to exploring their identity, not being quite sure where they fit, and we have quite a few non-binary and queer folks in our ReachOut family! Some people may also decide that the non-binary label doesn't resonate with them, but they do like dressing androgynously, or experimenting with makeup, or using different pronouns.
So, my only advice would be to give yourself time and space to work out how you feel and give yourself permission to feel a bit confused sometimes, that is totally normal! There's no pressure to figure this out right away, but it is so wonderful that you're starting to explore your identity and how you want to express yourself - living as your authentic self, whatever that looks like for you, is a wonderful thing
@Bento I'm so glad that things are starting to look up for you.
Transitioning is a confusing thing, and there are no rules, especially when you're transitioning to non-binary.
Sometimes, it involves big stuff like hormones or surgery or legal sex changes.
Sometimes, it can just be new pronouns or a new haircut.
There's no real way to make it "official", unless you're looking at getting legal recognition.
Some people start off by telling someone they trust, others start experimenting with clothes or make-up in private. You can go about it however you want, as fast or slow as you want. You can try things and see if they feel right, and if they don't then you don't have to keep them.
The first things that I changed when I started to transition were my name and the pronouns I use, but honestly you can start wherever you want.
I's suggest you try some simple changes like clothes and pronouns, and see how things go from there.
Hello, thanks to both of you for the replies. I've still been considering transitioning so that's a good sign. I was wondering if I could also technically identify as pansexual, because I looked it up and it means being attracted to all genders/identities. However that's only half true for me, because while I can be attracted to transgender women, non-binary people and androgynous people, I'm still heterosexual in regards to genders. Can I still count for being pansexual or is there another term? Sorry, there's just so many lgbt terms and it's hard to learn about these things in the open without looking them up myself, and even then it can be hard to understand.
I was also wondering if there's any real reason I would want to take hormones, or if I should only do it if I feel the need. I want to keep my male private parts; I hope that's not too much info. ^^; Also can I still use mens public restrooms?
Hi Bento
I thought I would jump on and share some of experiecnes. My story goes a bit like this. When I was a kid i knew very early on that I didnt feel connected to be being a a girl but i also didn't feel connected to being a boy. So for me I ended up asking my family at times to call me jake and other times call me claire. When I was growing up I had alsmot no exposure to queer people in real life or on TV. I definitely had never heard of non-binary, i dont think it was really being used. As I got older I started to identify as Bisexual, however I thought that I was really only attracted to women so I then identifed as a lesbian. Time went on and I contiuned to explore both my sexulaity and gender, thats the thing it isnt finite it is evolving so allow yourself to grow as you need to. I have noe landed on indetifying as Bisexual/queer thats because I also Identify as non-binary now, but also because through research, and relationships with Bi+ people I have allowed myself to accept that whilst I would not want to have a relationship with a man I am still attarctced to them. You see behaviour doesnt define indentity, if you find yourself attarcted to multiple genders that you use what label works for you. I use Bi+ plus as it incorporates being bisexual, pansexual, omnisexualaand sexually fluid. Basically you label yourelf however you want and remeber those labels can change whenever you want them too. Hope this has helped 🤗
I mean the woman being trans makes no real difference, and non-binary people tend to be included in all sexualities (we're clearly so stunning that no-one can resist us 😜), so honestly I think you could count yourself as either, or even choose not to go with either lable. It just depends what you're comfy with.
With hormones, it really depends on if you think those changes to your body would make you more comfortable. Having a quick look, it seems like the main changes will be to hair growth and fat distribution (you also might develop breasts). I'd suggest talking to a doctor about what hormones do, what the risks and benifits are, and decide if that's something you want to do.
And yes, you can still use the mens restroom.
