I have a school task I desperately don't wanna do
CW: mentions of su1c1dal tendencies, SA and h0m1c1de that happened many years ago (no detail)
Hi there. This post is not urgent, but I would really appreciate it if someone gave me advice ASAP.
If you don't know me, I have struggled with on-and-off su1c1dal tendencies for multiple years now. Although I don't experience them on a daily basis
If it is fictional, then I usually can tolerate it, but other than that, I become miserable and disturbed. It becomes a risk of my life reading and viewing content with extremely heavy themes.
For this term in English, my grade (10) at school has been learning about justice.
Some of ya'll may know what I'm talking about, some of you have fortune to not know it ever happened. But I do. And it's not that I'm aware of the story which is disturbing me: it is a story I have to read for multiple lessons and potentially take into mind with any assignments. I do not think I have ever been in the mental state to even think about this story. It triggers of my su1c1dal thoughts and I can't explain why. Maybe because it makes me paranoid about experiencing life. Maybe because it amplifies my anxiety.
I want to tell my teacher that it is a big risk for my mental health to read and discuss this play, but I don't know how. It's best for my safety to not interact with it, but it's a part of my english class. I'm scared I'm going to have to read all of it. It's terrifying me. I want to do something else by myself.
Comments
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing what you are going through. I am glad you are reaching out to us; you don't deserve to go through this alone. I am really sorry to hear that your teacher has picked such a triggering and devastating topic for you to work on. Even if it is your English class, your mental health and safety are the most important.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking to your teacher directly, I suggest you meet with your school counsellor or wellbeing officer to discuss this and see if they can pass this on to the teacher. Otherwise, I suggest you go to your year-level coordinator and explain why you cannot base your work on the chosen topic.
Please take care of yourself and don't force yourself to do something that you know will be detrimental to your wellbeing. In this case it is important to put your needs above else.
We are here to support you. You are not alone. I look forward to hear from you, be safe and sending you much love. 😊💜
Hey @visions_9374 ,
I am so glad to see you back in the ReachOut Youth community! Thank you for sharing what you are going through and for disclosing your previous experiences. I would like to take a moment here to also acknowledge your awareness around your mental health, including being mindful of what triggers you. Being able to identify this can be challenging for many young people, which highlights how amazing you are! You should be really proud of yourself!
I can hear how terrified you are feeling about this assignment, particularly the contents of the play. Being triggered by such confronting things is normal and finding support around this is the right thing to do. Speaking to someone about how you’re feeling can be really helpful. I am wondering if you have spoken to your friends or family about how you’re feeling?
I can hear that you’d also like to tell your teacher how you’re feeling about the assessment but are unsure how. I am wondering if you can ask your teacher for support on an alternative assessment, or adjustments to make it less confronting for you. Would this be something you feel comfortable doing?
I can also see that having triggers around distressing content has been ongoing, on and off for multiple years. I am interested to know if you’re seeing a professional around this, like a GP or psychologist? If you are interested in connecting with additional support, I encourage you to contact Kids Helpline who is a free 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25.
It is also really important to make time for self care, so I am wondering how you have been taking care of yourself during this time, and if you have been able to engage in any self-care activities?
I’d also like to note that I have had to make edits to your post to keep it in line with the community guidelines. I also want to acknowledge the effort you have made to make sure this post was appropriate for the community. It is really appreciated.
It is important to also highlight that the team has sent you an email to check in with you offline, so please keep an eye out for it!
I'm so sorry that you've been given that reading material, I can understand how it might be difficult to break this to your teacher.
I think it is definitely a good idea to discuss this with your teacher. You shouldn't have to read it if it is causing you this much distress. I'm glad you're recognising this. Would you have a hard time telling this to her after class/at school? If so, it could be beneficial to write it in an email? That way you can clearly articulate the importance of changing reading material and make sure you've covered everything. Or you could write her a note?
Do you have a school counsellor? Maybe you could discuss this with the school counsellor, and get her to tell your teacher how distressing this is for you?
In the meantime, please look after yourself. Don't read the material if it makes you feel overly distressed, at least until the teacher can understand why. I hope she assigns something else for you 💜 Please don't be afraid to reach out to Lifeline if things get tough
Thank you guys for telling me this. It's been killing my mental health for the past few days. I swear, I was walking from school today and I got honked at two times, one time for multiple seconds straight cause I must've been too slow. Idk what's going on with me, I know it's some state of anxiety but i hate it.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability regarding this difficult situation and sharing your experience. I don't see how engaging in such a topic would positively contribute to anyone's mental health or education. Particularly your own, in which you have demonstrated amazing self-awareness by identifying your own triggers and risks that pose a threat to your well-being. I wanted to check in with you and see if you decided to speak to your teacher regarding this content? I was also wondering how you have been managing these heavy feelings recently? I look forward to hearing from you 😊
Hey @visions_9374 I'm sorry to hear that this is still really impacting you. I'm glad that the advice from the community has been helpful in this case. It sounds like the state of anxiety is impacting on you and your focus outside of classes, like being honked at going home. Are you finding that this is happening a lot? Are you doing anything to look after your wellbeing tonight?
I also just wanted to remind you that we sent you an email to check in yesterday, it would be great if you could take a look 😊
