What It's Like Getting Professional Help

@Rara  

Thank you so much for your thoughtful contribution! I’m so glad to hear that you managed to connect and trust your psychologist. Mental illness can be so isolating and it’s easy to feel alone in your experiences. Finding that connection is important. It’s lovely that she wrote you a personalised letter, you can really see the strength bond you guys had! 

There are so many different tricks and suggestions that it can be hard to know where to start. I found that having a therapist sort of tailor suggests for me made the whole process a bit easier. Feeling heard is really important. It’s also so helpful when psychologists are able to validate your experiences and provide reassurance.

Thanks for the tip about taking the rest of the day off! I think people tend to underestimate how draining therapy can be because it’s an hour so it’s such a helpful suggestion. Was there anything you found frustrating at the beginning of the relationships? How quickly did you feel a connection?

@Lapis_Anteater 

I wasn't frustrated at all at the beginning just because I knew I needed help and it was something really important so I wasn't reluctant in any way possible. I kept an open mind with the person. Before when I was setting the appointment they asked me a bunch of questions which help them put me with someone who understood me. By the second session, we were getting along very well because it was more of a relief to know someone was listening and there was nothing wrong with me. 

@Blueberry_Kudu 

Thanks so much for sharing! Therapy is definitely a unique experience; nerves are so understandable. It’s really reassuring to hear that second thoughts can happen. Did those thoughts continue after the first session? If so, how did you deal with them?  As you said, the relationship you have with the psychologist is so important and can be even more important for improvement than the type of therapy you receive.

I’m really glad you found someone that works for you! How did you realise the first psychologist wasn’t right for you? How long did it take to work that out? I know I definitely struggle with trying to work out if it was the right fit, and because of that, spent too long trying to make it when it wasn’t right.

Hi @Lapis_Anteater ,

The second thoughts did continue but I knew it was the right thing to do, I just fought against the thoughts and continued going to sessions. 

I knew the first psychologist wasn't right because I didn't feel comfortable opening up, I felt kind of embarrassed, but I definitely didn't feel that way with the new psychologist. It only took a few sessions for me, I felt comfortable really quickly with her. What about you, what made you realise your psychologist wasn't the right fit?

 Hi @Blueberry_Kudu 

That makes a lot of sense. It’s nice to be able to look back and know you made the right choice persevering.

Yeah, I definitely felt similarly! It felt like they were kind of judging me in a way or like they would judge me if I shared certain things, so I hid important things. With my current mental health professional, it feels like I can tell her anything and she would not think less of me.

Unfortunately, it took me several months to work up the courage to leave. I was just worried that it this was the best person so leaving would be a mistake. I can see now how incorrect that was, but hindsight is 20/20. It really taught me that you should trust your gut and that there are the right professionals out there (you just have to search).

I totally get what you mean, sometimes it's not easy to leave, I felt the same. I'm glad you were able to find a psychologist that you felt comfortable with. You're so right, trusting your gut instincts is so important and somehow it's almost always right. 

Hi@Lapis_Anteater sorry for the slow reply, had the flu last couple of weeks so wasn't online much 🥲 

Definitely, it can be quite disheartening when you feel like you're giving it your all and nothing is really changing. But it's great you were able to find something that works - in your case the different approach with a different therapist.

In terms of patience, for me it was balancing the day-to-day with the big picture. Whenever I felt hopeless or overwhelmed I would focus on just the day in front of me. I think keeping a journal of everything I've done that day (even very small things) and the small moments of joy/neutrality helped me realise I *was* actually making progress. Noticing and acknowledging my small wins helped build momentum and allowed me to stay patient and motivated. On the other hand, whenever I felt the steps I was taking were too small, I reminded myself of the big picture concept that the mind thrives off practice. Most things (even how you view yourself, how you react to situations, confidence, self care habits) are skills that can get better with practice. I remind myself that anything I'm currently proud of, took time and practice to get to that point. Your body is wired to sustain what you already do and to get more efficient at it with time. So every small step heading in the right direction of your bigger goal is weakening the hold of negative habits and slowly replacing them with ones that are more beneficial.

And in the same way it also makes sense that firstly it WILL be challenging to overcome and why: most of us have spent a long time (years even) ingraining negative ways of seeing ourselves and all the accompanying negative behaviours.  We've gotten so good at it, it's almost reflexive. Knowing that makes me so much more okay with setbacks in my efforts to get better. It's all part of the process 💙

How have you managed to sustain patience in your own journey? 🙂 

Hi @sunset_hues 

Oh no! Hopefully you’re recovering well! 💙

Keeping a journal of your accomplishments is such a great idea! I wish I had thought of that. Do you ever look back to see how far you’ve come? I feel like that would be satisfying. It’s really helpful to view recovery as a skill that you are building. I feel like it becomes easier to frame things not going ideally as expected because it is something you are still learning how to do (so much more helpful/positive). You’re completely right, often our unhelpful behaviours turn into instinctual habits/reflexes. I found that challenging those reflexes can be really uncomfortable, especially at the start. As you mentioned brains like familiarity and going against what you have learnt is always going to be challenging.

The thing that helped me stay patient was something my dad would say. He would tell me that the likelihood of it remain like this forever is statistically exceedingly low so, if we just keep trying different things eventually things will improve (he was completely correct). It enabled me to start believing that there is this day in the future where things will be better (even if I do absolutely nothing) and it is moving towards me. I could move closer to it by going to therapy, taking my medication, practicing selfcare etc.

I think I also struggled with remaining hopeful that better existed. Did you ever feel similarly?  

Hi @Lapis_Anteater ! 

Thank you!! Feeling so much better :') I think you mentioned you were in a maintenance phase of a treatment in another post? Hope it continues going well 😊

Yes I do look back on it! (I'm a sucker for colour, so I colour coded it for different long term goals, and it's really satisfying to flick through and see the daily tasks I'm doing moving towards it). I know it may not be helpful for everyone but it made a difference for me because before I used to make these huge lists of everything I needed to do without taking a moment to just acknowledge anything I had accomplished at all. It really drained my motivation and energy. 

Your dad sounds like a really amazing support, I'm glad you have him and that you found something that helped you remain patient through the hurculean effort that is recovery 💙 I like that take, and how you framed self care as more quickly closing the distance to the better day. 

Oh definitely. I think people can get used to nearly anything and when you've felt bad for a while it can be so easy to believe this is just normal and this is how it'll always be. I couldn't imagine there was another way to be because it had been like that for so long. So I didn't actually have that hope at first. I had to really hold onto the small things to get through that period where I was making changes but nothing was happening yet: a new episode of a favourite show, someone starting a conversation, a cute dog. The hope came much later as the small repeated changes compounded and I caught glimpses of feeling proud, or that what I was doing was actually affecting things. That feeling of pride and agency in my life was a long time coming and I really wish it for everyone who's struggling or hasn't felt that in a while. 

I'm curious to hear another perspective. How did you remain hopeful when the whole thing can feel so difficult? 

Hi @sunset_hues 

I’m glad to hear it! Thank you, maintenance is going well so far. It’s a little bit daunting because whilst weaning off there’s a chance of a recurrence of symptoms so I’m just crossing my fingers 😂.

Dang, the dedication of colour coordinating! I too find to-do lists terrible. Mine are never realistic (I have very little concept of time) and so I end up not being able to do much and feeling guilty as I stare at my very incomplete list. Mental health difficulties so often ruin motivation and energy enough without the dreaded to do list.

I had a very similar experience to you. I had been feeling badly for so long that I couldn’t really remember a time where things were okay. I don’t think I had hope most of the time or even really believed things could be better. It was more kind of a thing of thinking “well, if it were possible for me to get better, I’d probably need to go to therapy, take meds, etc.” I was told to have hope many times, but it was never that easy especially as the treatments failed consistently for the first 3 years. I think regardless of whether you feel hopeful or not, you can still get better. Hope is definitely important but if it’s not possible to have hope, that’s okay, you’ll still make progress.

I feel like people can forget how much little acts of kindness can make a difference for someone facing mental health challenges. That feeling of not being alone is so valuable. I’m so glad you managed to regain your pride and agency! It’s such a hard journey but it’s so worth it. I still catch myself looking around and being surprised that I made it.

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective! 💙 

Did you ever find it hard to picture a future/set future goals? I remember always being asked about what I wanted in the future. I had this set answer that I never really believed in that I would repeat. Once things got better it sort of felt like um… what happens now? 😂                                                                                             

Hiya @Lapis_Anteater 

I can imagine... Got my fingers and toes crossed for ya! Hope all goes well 💛

hahahah my god if that's not the most relatable thing I've read all week (especially the little to no time concept) :') I used to have this whiteboard of everything I needed to do and that daunting list was literally the first thing I'd see when I wake up and before I  went to bed. 

That's so true. Having hope is all good and well when you can, but sometime it's really difficult to maintain especially when things aren't working. Your perspective kind of reminds me of seeing yourself as a videogame character - what things would you objectively have to do to heal yourself? Therapy, meds, sleep schedule etc. 

For sure. There have been so many times where even the smallest of gestures have meant the world to me. Thank you very much. I'm so glad and proud of you for being here too, and sharing your hard won insight to help others who find themselves in similar positions 💙

I didn't even have a set answer, I'd just bolt 😂 Absolutely hated that question because I had no idea and like you, didn't believe in it. Is your set answer still the same, now that things have gotten better? 

@sunset_hues 

Thanks so much 💙

I would simply refuse to get out of bed if I had to wake up to the threat of tasks looming over me 😂

I think having that sort of third person perspective was needed because I absolutely hated having to do those things (especially meds and therapy). So, it felt better to just tick the boxes and not recognise that I was the one that needed to do the things.  

I really do hope that someone finds this thread useful! And I’m super proud of you for making it and helping others using your experiences.

That would have been a better idea that my answer. I would initially be like “I want to be a psychologist.” But they would push further, and it would end up “I want a double storey house with carpet and a swimming pool” (for context I really like stairs, carpet, and pools) and then I would just look at them blankly 😂

I think my future aspirations have changed as I’ve began to realise my capacity with the mental health as good as it gets. I feel a lot more limited that I did before being diagnosed. Have you managed to have more set future plans? I also really found that my priorities change because of mental illness. Like the small problems don’t seem as big anymore and ultimately, I just want to be content. Did you have a similar experience?

Hiya @Lapis_Anteater 

hahaha oh that definitely happened 😂

I hear you, that distance and detachment can definitely help to do what you need to. I've experienced the same, even with learning how speak kindly to myself. When I started it felt so hard to say anything positive in the first person ("I did good"), so I started with pretending I was someone else ("your work paid off!"). Mental acrobatics but hey it worked. 

Me too! I'm sure it will, it was an excellent idea! 

hahahaha perfectly executed! especially with the blank stare 😌I hope your future holds many double storey houses with carpets and swimming pools. (I also think stairs are awesome). 

That is a really interesting and important point. I think when you struggle with mental health you can lose a lot - functioning, meaningful relationships, time, happiness, what you thought your potential was. When you're recovering you have to come to terms with those losses which can bring up regret and shame. Honestly, it's something I still struggle with pretty heavily at times. But I really liked something someone said about their struggles with OCD "I have taken from my OCD as much as it has taken from me". It's been so hard but like you, my experiences have helped me clarify the things that are most important  - how I want to live my life, where I spend my time, how I care for others. And you're right, things that used to make me run in circles before, don't seem as important anymore and it's so liberating. It's like settling into life with a new found appreciation. Is this something you struggled with too or was that pretty smooth for you? 

Hi @sunset_hues 

That is such a good saying. I’m going to steal it 😂. I used to have a very ridged way of defining an acceptable life. So, initially it was very difficult to let that go as I felt like a failure. But I really think the perspective I have now on the world is much healthier because of the re-evaluation. There is this sense of grief for what could have been, but I think I have (mostly) accepted that it wasn’t meant to be.

At the start of treatment, I kind of thought that getting better would mean I would go back to my previous normal. But I think a new normal was created and I’m still trying to accept that and recognise that I’m just as valuable as I am now in comparison to who I was. I don’t feel like the mental health professional prepared me for this aspect properly. I know they’re meant to hold optimism, but I think it’s necessary to acknowledge that it will not be that same, and that it is okay.

Did you experience something similar?

We really do love the new appreciation especially for the little things. Like being able to just enjoy activities properly.

Hi @Lapis_Anteater 

I apologise for the slow reply! Been a busy few weeks 😪 Hope you've been well. 

HAHA steal away! I can relate to that rigid perception of what I wanted my life to look like and am somewhat familiar with how painful those feelings can be. So I'm really happy that you've found that sense of acceptance and peace 💙

I agree with you. I also thought I would be back to my previous self after treatment and wasn't prepared for that. I realise now that despite how well I was doing outwardly, it came at the expense of my health and happiness and was not sustainable. I'm not the same person anymore. But it doesn't mean I don't still miss some parts of myself. So I guess I'm still coming to terms with that, and building this new me and figuring out how to or if I can still keep some of the parts of myself I liked before . Sunset_hues 2.0. LETS GOO

Hi @sunset_hues 

Hopefully things are currently manageable for you!

It’s kind of like receiving an update in a way. Like you miss some of the old features but it’s better for the system ultimately (I’m looking at you windows 11) 😂. It’s a really challenging thing to come to terms with. I’m glad you can see the positives within it, and I really hope you can find a way to regain the parts you miss!