Hey @angrylozenger 😊

Yeah, ask away! 🙌

How do you go about navigating gender binaries in the world? Like for e.g. using a female/male bathroom etc. 

Defs must be hard

Such a good question! Thank you for asking 😊

It's certainly a tricky one. The world is very much still set up in a binary way for the most part, unfortunately. And it can be really disappointing to be forced back into that world, like you've mentioned - when there aren't any gender neurtal bathrooms available. It can be a bit of a slap back into the reality that we still have a long way to go to be inclusive of everyone!

There are more and more safe and inclusive spaces popping up now though, so I try to make an effort to find them and spend my time (and money!) there. Something as simple as having a gender neutral, or genderless, bathroom can change my whole day! It makes me feel seen, acknowledged and just as worthy as everyone else 😊

How are you feeling about your gender identity at the moment?

Aw that's so good - yeh for sure it'll make ur day - I'm happy that you can find spaces too 😄

I'm a she/her and cisgender. I don't know any NB people irl so defs worth being curious 

Thanks for sharing your pronouns and gender. LOVE to see you being such a great ally and learning more about NB peeps! We need more people like you in the world 👏

I'm logging off for now, but please feel free to pop back here with anything else you're curious about & I'll be more than happy to answer when I'm next online! Have a lovely night ✨

What does being non-binary mean?

Being non-binary can mean something different for different people - there's no one way to be enby. Non-binary is an umbrella term for gender identities such as agender, genderqueer, genderfluid and bigender. I think the colours of the NB flag explain it really well : 

The yellow stripe represents people whose gender exists outside of the binary (male & female). The white stripe represents people with many or all genders. The purple represents people with genders considered a mix of male and female, and the black represents people who identify as not having any gender.

Personally, I identify as agender, which means I'm in the black stripe category. I don't have any gender - not female, male, both, or a mix. I'm just Iona 😊

What about you?

How did you figure out you were non-binary?

It took me a while! When I was growing up, non-binary was not a term that was used or known by the majority of people. So it wasn't until I was an adult when conversations about gender identity were more available, that it clicked for me. 

However, in hindsight, even if I didn't know the word for it, it's super clear looking back that I was always non-binary. Throughout my childhood, I was precieved as a girl but I always fought against that. I hated wearing dresses, I was much more interested in playing in mud than with dolls, I played the lead male character in my school's musical - and not once did I consider that would be strange! These and many more scenarios were all things that were natural to me as a person, and gender just never entered the equation in my brain. I've never related to the concept of gender, or that being any part of my identity. 

If you do connect with a certain gender, or more than one gender - what does that look like for you?

Once you figured out you were non-binary, what happened next?

The first thing I did was experiment with my pronouns. I had previously used she/her but that didn't fit right for me. I started by using she/they, then flipped it to they/she, and eventually settled on they/them 🥰 It was really important for me to take my time with this change and test out what felt best for me, without the pressure of feeling like I had to choose straight away and was then stuck with my choice. It's ok try things out & change things up, nothing has to be permanent 😊

What are your pronouns?

Was it difficult to come out as non-binary?

I personally didn't feel the need to 'come out' in the traditional sense. There was no big announcement, or planned chat, or coming out celebration for me. It was a gradual and natural process - I started by adding my new pronouns to my social media profiles, I organically brought it up with friends in conversation, I shared my pronouns with new people I met as I introduced myself. I understand that I'm very lucky to have very accepting people around me (most of which are also part of the LGBTQIA+ community!) so I'm grateful I was allowed the space to do it in my own way, at my own pace without judgement. 

However, I was suuuuper nervous about coming out at work. It wasn't until I started a new job and was able to share my pronouns from day one, that I felt safe to do that. I was SO anxious about it, and although there were some slip ups from colleagues along the way, it felt good to be my authentic self in all aspects of my life.

If you're feeling apprehensive about coming out, know that you don't have to until you're ready or you feel safe to. Connect with other gender diverse people and find those safe spaces in community IRL or online where you can just be you. Chat to your school counsellor, join an LGBTQIA+ social club at uni, make friends with other non-binary people at work, and figure out ways to come out in a supported way 💕

I'd love to hear about your experiences of coming out, comment below and fill me in!

How do you cope with being misgendered?

Unfortunately, this is something that still happens quite regularly. Although the people close in my life barely ever falter, it is something I experience with others. Whether it's someone using the incorrect pronouns for me, addressing me in a group as 'ladies', or excluding me from conversations that only mention 'men and women' - it really sucks. 

Depending on the situation, I might correct the person myself or ask a friend or colleague to do so on my behalf. And hope they remember for next time! 🤞But I also make sure to take some time to acknowledge how it made me feel and whether I need to do some self-soothing to bring me back to myself. It can also really help to share the experience with my friends to have a bit of a rant about it! 😂 And if I'm still not feeling great, it's something I take to my psychologist to work through 💗

If this is something that you've experienced, remember that you can always share with us here and the community will support you! 

How do you express your gender identity?

As someone who doesn't have any attachment to any gender, or therefore any kind of specific gender expression - I do so just by wearing things I like, without worrying if they are stereotypically seen as women or mens clothing. Sometimes I wear make-up, sometimes I don't. And my hair has been all of the colours of the rainbow, completely shaved, really long and everything inbetween! So I guess I express my gender by just choosing my style or changing my appearance without gender being part of it! 

It can be so fun to experiment though! And lots of non-binary people experience gender euphoria by expressing themselves in certain ways. Remember, there's no one way to look non-binary. What's something you've done that gave you all the gender affirming feels?

What's your favourite part about being non-binary?

The ability to be my authentic self, without the constraints of keeping within societal norms of how I should act, what I should do, or who I should be. I love just being me 😊

That's a wrap folks! 

If you have any other questions, please feel welcome to ask even now the event has finished - I will still respond as soon as I can 😊 And I'm really looking forward to hearing some other gender diverse experiences too!

I'll leave you with a quote from one of my most favourite non-binary people - Alok Vaid-Menon :

“Gender is not what people look like to other people; it is what we know ourselves to be. No one else should be able to tell you who you are; that’s for you to decide.”