This guy I was talking too.. things were great in the beginning. He asked me a question and I lied because I wasnt comfortable talking about it. So I came out and told him the truth. We worked it out and that was that. The person he wanted me to stop talking to was someone I sort of dealt with in the past. I told him okay. I stopped talking to that person and had started again for a very important reason. Before I had the chance to tell him he found out. This past month and a half, he's been making me pay for it. he broke things of with me so easily. He thinks he's the only one that's hurt. Every time he's mad at me he sleep with other girls. He sleeps with me unprotected and idk what he does with them. He doesn't tell me til after. he accuse me of things I'm not doing, I felt like I wasn't enough, I felt unwanted, there were times I was afraid of him, every time he left, only thing I thought of was him going to be with someone else, he says girls catch feelings during sex . What if one of them caught feelings or even end up pregnant and we were trying to fix things, he always say what he needs to but never let me say what I have to say, I feel like he never wanted to be around me, I felt like I came 2nd of even last to the other girls, he always push me away or never want me to be under him. I tried doing little things to show him how much Im happy he's here with me, he always ignore me, want to walk out on me, he talks to other women and I think he's even messing with someone now.. I know I made a few little mistakes. But I never did what he did. I never went and slept with other men because I was hurt or mad. I actually feel bad for what I did, but he does things to hurt me. Yes he was honest, but only because he wanted to hurt me, not because he cared enough about my feelings. Only thing I did wrong was vent to other pple. I couldn't talk to him because he constantly threw things in my face or said that I deserved what my ex's did to me. He judges me off my past and it doesn't make me who iam now or who I will be. He pick at me over anything, I tried doing anything he asked. I tried. But he keeps blaing me for us not working. Saying if I didn't lie, none of this would've happened. I've been texting him and he doesn't answer, I called and it goes to voicemail. Im possibly pregnant. I deal with this because they all done it to me. I feel like this is what I deserve. Like I don't deserve better than what they give me. I put up with so much.. out of guilt for what I did. He can say whatever he wants. But I've never did anything with anybody. This is hurting my soul. Because he's someone I knew for years. I told him things not even my close friends know. I'm tired of apologizing, I'm tired of always taking the blame for someone else mistakes. I'm tired of always loving someone more than they love me. I'm tired of pushing my feelings aside to make other pple happy. He's done so much to hurt me , yet I still try to be there and talk to him like it's nothing. But my heart is breaking so bad. I still love him and I'm in love with him. He's messing with 2 or 3 other girls. Even his ex's. They did worse then this. But he's lashing out on me. I know im different. But they things he says to me and does to me. But get mad at something I do or don't do is crazy. I don't understand how I can love and want to be with someone who's not afraid of losing me. I'm trying to move on. But he's on my mind alot. I miss him all the time. And it's so hard for me. I try doing everything to help me forget. But nothing helps. I'm still hurt. That I thought he cared about me and he just left like it's nothing. How he can easily talk to somebody else when we was just together.. I feel so alone. I feel like I'm hard to love. I know I messed up too. I know that I have things I need to work on. I acknowledged all my faults. I just refuse to take all of the blame again. I did everything. How come it's never enough? I love him and this is so hard. He's ignoring me and just won't talk to me 😢
