Hi Akinna,
Yes, shame, guilt, expectation, perfectionism and even...pride, can often being tied up into a vicarious cycle.
I think your instincts are spot on, calling someone, getting that validation, re-affirming the self that you are doing a good job.
Totally, you summed it up perfectly, "it's complicated and i guess i need to accept the fact that this is hard, i need help, i should be more sympathetic and kind to myself."
Re-evaluating our expectations of ourselves, who we are versus who we think we should be, takes time. Eventually you will get closer towards an equilibrium of acceptance and understanding of oneself.
Trust me 😁
