Hi @JeremyThomas I wanted to say that I think it's really courageous of you to be so honest and to reach out for support. We did edit your post in line with our community guidelines because there were some references that may be distressing to people reading. We were also wondering if you'd be okay with us merging this post into your other thread so the conversation flows on?
I really admire your willingness to talk about your feelings about the distressing content you've seen - it sounds like it's feeling confusing and upsetting for you as you've said there's a conflict between what you like and want to see, vs what your body responds to. As Portia and Emily have already said, that's not uncommon at all. For what it's worth, I think it's so helpful that you're listening to your own gut feelings around what you feel comfortable with and what doesn't sit well for you. At the end of the day, you know yourself best, and you're the best person to decide what's right for you.
I'm wondering if you have anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling? For example, a trusted family member or a counsellor? Sometimes I find it helps a lot to be able to talk things through with someone objective - even if only to work out what I think for myself about something.
If it's helpful, services such as Kids Helpline, Lifeline or Mensline offer phone or online counselling, or if it's something that interests you, you could also see a GP and ask for a mental health care plan which would entitle you to Medicare funding for some counselling sessions.
