@Akinna it sounds like you're really in tune with what you need - rest sounds like really good self-care.
I'm so glad you managed to get some sleep last night - sounds like you have a lot of strategies you work hard to draw on when needed. Re: avoiding your emotions, I'm hearing you with that being a survival strategy - have you been able to talk to your psychologist about how much distress it causes when they encourage you to feel your emotions?... I'm just wondering if they could suggest ways to manage that.
It sounds tough only having appointments every 3-4 weeks - is there an option to see your psychologist more if you want/need to?
I empathise with your frustrations re the waiting and lack of solutions - it makes sense that it would be tempting to shut down. It might sound a bit trite, but in my own journey I've found that sometimes things have taken time, but with time there were things that helped. I really hope that happens for you.
I'm wondering if there are any signs of change or hope that you can hold onto for now while you wait? For example, I'm noticing how you were able to tell your lecturer you were having a flare up - it sounds like it was confronting, but also a huge step as it was something you weren't able to do when you were at school. Being honest like that takes so much courage. Or even taking the step of knowing what you need today and going home from TAFE.
Re: support groups, I know they're not for everyone so it's just a thought, but people at a group do share an experience or perspective in a way other people might not be able to do. There are online and in person groups for all sorts of different things - eg. outpatient programs at hospitals, or groups like Alt2Su (in NSW but Zoom is for any state), Bipolar Australia, Activate or Blackdog Institute. As I say, they're not for everyone but just mentioning it in case it's something you want to look into.
