Hi @scoutw
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your friend passing away. I can only imagine the heart break, loss and emptiness that you have felt. It is also upsetting to hear that you have been unable to express yourself and find a way to grieve. This is a really important part of grieving and so that must make things so much more difficult for you. From what you have told me, it sounds like it is a big release once you finally have time alone. Holding in emotions is really difficult, so I can understand why you are feeling burnt out and looking for advice. I think anyone else in your situation would be feeling quite similarly.
I would encourage you to make time to grieve in order to let your emotions out. It seems like the most ideal option is for you to spend time by yourself in order to do this. I know it is easier said than done but often emotions that are hidden will eventually find a way to the surface if they are not processed. The other option is to discuss your need to express your emotions with your Dad and friends. You can't control how they respond but you can let them know that you are struggling and need to do this to process what has happened. You could explain what this might look like for them, just so they are aware.
Lastly, be kind to yourself - this is an incredibly difficult time for you. You sound like a really caring and selfless person. Are there some things you like doing that make yourself feel good? Grief is a process and you will go at your own pace 
If you'd like some more support or want some other tips, we have some articles on grief here.
We are here to listen.
