Hi @JeremyThomas
Thanks so much for your reply, please don't ever apologise for sending a long response, we are here to listen and you are welcome to write out how you're feeling no matter how long it is 😊 I'm a big fan of writing long messages myself, so much so that my friends call any kind of long message they receive an 'Iona message' 😂
I really relate to your feelings of having to do something perfectly the first time. I am totally like this and it's stopped me from doing so many things in the past. I would try something, wouldn't feel like I was good enough at it straight away, so would just give up. I've had to push through that feeling, and still do, when I try new things now. I find that trying things on my own first helps, so I don't feel like anyone else is judging me, and just really have to focus on not letting those negative thoughts get the better of me. It's not easy and it takes time, but it really is worth dealing with those uncomfortable feelings for a while in order to be able to enjoy new things.
Do you think it would help if you thought about it from someone else's perspective? If a friend was trying something new for the first time, and they weren't perfect at it straight away, what would you say to them? Would you tell them they are rubbish and should just give up, or would you encourage them to keep practicing and support them? I know it's not easy to flip that back to yourself, but it might be worth giving it a go 😊
Your book sounds amazing! And I can understand how frustrating it must be to have those creases there. I think like you've mentioned, that being kinder to yourself will help a lot in these scenarios. We all make mistakes, we all break/bend/mess up things we really cherish. You're human and it is ok that those creases happened. Give yourself permission to mess up sometimes.
Do you think it would help to attach something happy to the creases? So when you see them, they are a reminder of something really nice? For example, when you open your book and see the creases, it reminds you of the day you went to the exhibition with your mum and the happy feelings you got from that. Does that make sense?
As for worrying about zoning out and watching Youtube videos, this can just be a sign that you need to give your brain a break. We all need this. I'm a sucker for binge watching shows just to have some time away from reality when things in life are getting a bit too much. But it's all about balance. I try to schedule in times where I can do this, and switch off for a bit. Especially after being social. Do you think you would feel more motivated to go skateboarding if you knew you had set some time afterwards to switch off for a bit?
