Thank you @Iona_RO and @fishyie for replying. Taking a step back and reflecting I can see that I became so upset because my self worth was damaged by the idea I had hurt someone and failed to live up to their expectations. so receiving your and @StormySeas17 's messages felt like an outpouring of reassurance and understanding that counteracted my shame, I'm really grateful.
@fishyie definitely my thoughts do tend to run rampant and I'm not very good at stopping it on my own. My main strategy is always, honestly, to cry it out and then try to look after myself afterwards with a funny show, a candle, a shower, etc, but it really doesn't always work! I know soo many strategies but they always seem pretty weak in the moment.
Telling my friends seems like a logical step! My best friend knows and has adapted his expectations (bc he's the best <3). I hadn't seen this person in a long time so I kind of don't feel close enough to her to launch into the explanation, but my partner says, you definitely won't feel close to her ever again if you don't try to bridge this gap - which is true but my brain would rather just chuck the whole friendship in the bin because my feelings were hurt and vulnerability is stressful! I've been a bit reticent to talk to people about my adhd. I know people don't understand much about it and I'm afraid of being hit by invalidating responses like "what does that matter," "you're letting it be an excuse/hold you back," (my dad hit me with that one) "you don't seem like you have it" (i've had doctors!! hit me with that one)...
@Iona_RO Hmm, my relationship is a source of comfort for me because it has been consistent in my life for a while and I like to give and receive affection. And my partner and I are good friends, which I don't want to lose. We both care about each other very much which I think we both find comforting to have. But I know they arent good enough reasons to stay together. Hearing it from an outside person, though, was very confronting and I felt criticised.
