Hi @Genderthief ,
Thanks for reaching out. Questioning your gender can be a really confusing and scary time, but also an exciting one. As a trans-man who is now a couple of years into my transition, I still find myself going through periods of questioning my gender identity, whether or not I truely know myself, and whether or not I have made the right decision (in fact, I'm going through one of those periods right now!). The most important thing I have come to realise when questioning your gender is that you have to be patient. There is unfortunately no easy way to come to the conclusion that you are transgender - exploration of yourself takes time, and everyone's understanding of themselves shifts and changes over their lifetime. How I understand myself now may not be how I understand myself in the future, and that's okay. I think it's important to acknowledge that gender exploration is a gradual process, and to give yourself the space to explore and grow within yourself. Please try not to feel pressured to figure everything out straight away, or come out if you are not comfortable or ready. If possible, try to view these periods of questioning as an opportunity to learn more about yourself!
The other thing I think is really important in working out how you identify is giving yourself the space to experiment. It's great to hear that you're already experimenting with different pronouns and clothing options, and the fact that you are feeling more comfortable! I would keep experimenting if you feel safe enough/comfortable enough to do so, and if it is making you feel more comfortable, then you are probably heading in the right direction. I should clarify that liking non-conforming gender clothing or activities does not necessarily make you trans, so you need to see what seems to make sense to you and what makes you feel most at home within yourself. I would also recommend looking into the stories of other trans people and gender non-conforming people, and seeing if their experiences seem to relate to you. Again, if you find yourself not relating to their experiences, this does not necessarily mean that you are not transgender (for example, I don't relate to the common experience of having 'always known' my gender identity), but it can be a helpful way to try and find some clarity and make sense of your experiences.
You mentioned that you don't feel comfortable talking to school counsellors, which is completely okay. If you would like to try out an online peer support service centered on queer experiences, Qlife can be particularly helpful! I would also recommend Kids Helpline. You mentioned that you find it hard to navigate - which part in particular? I would be happy to help walk you through it if you like (it can be a little confusing, ha ha)! Transhub also has a wide range of trans-related resources you can check out. Would you feel comfortable/safe seeking out a transgender-friendly mental health clinician?
Thank you again so much for reaching out and sharing your experience on the forums. You are not alone in your experience, and have already shown a lot of courage in sharing your experience, and in taking steps to explore your gender identity.
