Hello @autumn2742 ,
I thank you for your detailed responses as it really helps to clarify everything. I wanna start by saying I feel way more at ease with my identity within the past few days, today being the best I have had in a long time. I went to the barber and said the haircut I wanted (a fade and short jagged top) and I love how I look. Well of course I am never truly at peace with my body but the thought that 'I did it' makes me feel so proud. I even went to school today with a binder and felt so much more confident that I actually spoke at school (granted it was like one sentence) but everything is pointing me to a more positive future. Even my sister's friend stated that they wanted to call me Lee (a part of my name) as a joke but it really did feel like something is pushing me to lean more into my identity and to finally express myself how I want.
So the little things that I can do; the binders, I want to wear more often but I'll probs take them off before my parents see. The clothes I'm ok with. I'm mostly in school uniform or at home so it doesn't bother me too much. Other things I'll figure out later but I will most definitely experiment.
What you were saying about your hobbies, that sounds like solid advice. I don't usually do any sort of working out or anything. I would like to (once had a treadmill in my room for like a year) but I never had the opportunity to use it cause I get really self-conscious when working out around people. Me and sport don't really get along anyway, haha. But the painting, I can resonate with. Any art form that allows creativity to take over is never limited to gender, in which is why it is one of my favourite activities. But I mostly write stories and novels to create alternative characters that I live through.
I appreciate the advice you have given, it has truly helped me convey what I want when I want to. Thank you. 😊
