Hi @Iona_RO thanks for your reply.
My guilty and shame stem from my internalised homophobia, which was a result of family values, personal values and knowing that I have put a burden in the frienship. It's not something easy to get over because I know I have overreacted in the past despite my friend taking it easy with me. I know I haven't reciprocated his kindness and have spreading negativity during our hangouts.
I am not keen to form a romantic relationship and I have developed a degree philophobia due to my experiences. As I want to build up a strong family and pass down my blood lineage and raise blood children in th future, dating will be a difficult task for me. Currently, my values go against my phyiscal attraction towards people of the same sex.
And thanks for sharing QLife, I will check it out and see if there are any other people in my situation. All I know is that my cultural upbringing and personal values contradict my biological make-up, and I hope to find peace in myself as well as reciprocating the kindness that my friend has shown me.
