I'm sorry to hear that you've been getting urges to self-harm @Anonymous That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation to be in right now. I know it might not help much, but I just want to say that the fact that you have reached out here and have managed to resist these urges, is a testament to just how strong you are. You should be so proud of yourself! Is there maybe something that you can do tonight to distract yourself until your able to chat with KHL?
That's really frustrating that there's not a lot of work available right now though. I'm sorry you are going through this. Do you think your current workplace might be able to help you find something? I wonder if maybe they might know of any upcoming roles or even something local, that they might be willing to refer you to. I'm not sure if it helps at all, but we also have a great article here, that shares a number of websites for Job seekers, if you're interested at all.
I just want to add that while it may not feel like it, you are doing such a great job, despite how difficult it has been.