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I was with my ex partner for 1.5 years and he was a severe alcoholic and cocaine abuser I was a pressured from being mentally unwell and took on these substances. It effected our relationship and turned us into a very toxic unhealthy people. We had nights due to my mental state I would go into rages of anger and let it all out on him for any slight reason. I ended up in a Psych ward after months of not knowing what my mental state was and trying to fight it with alcohol. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Adult ADHD. These were a big factor for my anger and drinking habits. broke up with my partner and seeming as he was my favourite person both my BPD and ADHD turned me into a very bad person as I was intoxicated and can’t be abandoned. Since then I have had been so lonely my head does not stop with thoughts but I can’t get out of bed to do anything sometimes even eat. My mum also struggles with alcohol addiction so it makes it hard for my to stop when she’s in my face drinking. I go to my sisters for comfort but we end up getting drunk together as we both struggle with mental health and being sober does not excite us. I can’t go to my dads as he has not been part of my life since I was 1. My grandparents live 5 hours away in a country town. I just feel so stuck in this cycle of mental health issues and binge drinking. I have lost everyone over the years from being in relationships and embarrassing myself from drinking to much on a night out. I only have my sister left. I think so hard about the life I could of had and opportunities I’ve lost because of this I could of been travelling in Europe or living in a van travelling Australia. I just feel so alone and I don’t feel the point to stay anymore, as I don’t want these feelings but I also want to fight them and live a better life.