I’ve come so far
So I’m in my mid 20’s
I’ve had my share of trauma
Ive overcome homelessness as a teenager
I’ve gotten therapy and I take medication
I have come so far
I have held a full time job for 3 years
I’m well respected in my role and am looked up to by my peers
but it’s gotten too much
and I feel like I’ve failed
I’ve had to change my role to a casual position because I’m not coping
i know this is the right thing to do to prioritise my mental health
but I can’t explain how I feel other than hopeless, and that doesn’t feel close enough at all a word to describe it.
I’ve overcome so many worse things, why now, why this? Why is it all creeping back in? I’ve worked so hard to get better - and I was, what happened to put me back in this hole?
I want to be happy, I have so many positive things in my life, I just feel perpetually overwhelmed, I’m so sensitive and it’s debilitating.
I know it’s just the C-PTSD, I don’t think there is anything else to do to help me anymore though? Is this just my life now? Sacrificing my aspirations for a life comfortable enough that I don’t feel so hopeless all the time? Am I ok with that? Can I feel content with the bare minimum? Do I make my life easier so I can cope 100% of the time, or do I take the risk and commit when I’m mentally well only to disappoint everyone and myself by failing to cut it when I’m not?
I can’t win either way
I have so many dreams, so many wants to make this world a better place, even if it’s just a little, I don’t want anything fancy, just my own little piece of joy. And I have that where I am if I let go of anything more.
But I don’t know if I can do that?
Thank you if you’ve read this
I’m just really tired of trying and I needed to get this out.
I don’t know if there is any more help to receive, so no stress if you can’t recommend anything I just appreciate your time.
Thank you ☕️