Hi @no_body, welcome to the forums, and thank you for letting us know you are safe tonight. I'm glad you decided to join and share with us, it's not always easy to be open and vulnerable in a new space.
It sounds like you've been really struggling and feeling like you're just not getting enough support for what you're going through. I'm so sorry to hear that you were turned away from hospital without being able to actually talk to someone, that would feel so awful. I can fully understand why you might be feeling as though you're not worthy and deserving of help. Being turned away like that may simply have been because they determined that you were not in a state of 'acute crisis'. However that has meant that you were left to deal with this all by yourself, and made to feel like you don't deserve to have people around you and supporting you even when you really do need it - acute crisis or not. Did you feel more supported by the other hospital? Is is possible for you to go back there? It might be easier if they already know who you are as well.
With how much of an impact this is having on your day-to-day functioning, it might also be worth a visit to your GP - to talk about stuff like sleep and eating, and see if there's anything they could help you to manage. Getting those basics back on track can go a really long way to feeling better. You could also look into ways to cope with the flashbacks, as well as working with your psych to develop a safety plan.
I'm glad that you are working with a therapist at the moment who is helping you to work through this trauma, however it does sound like there are perhaps other things going on that are being neglected. Do you think it's worth letting your psych know that you're feeling like there's more that might be worth uncovering in therapy?
I hope that even just in posting here you are feeling a little lighter, and I hope you find it to be a super welcoming and supportive community. You can also have a look into our Peer Chat to be able to have a little one-on-one talk with someone who 'gets it' and can maybe help you figure out your next steps. Despite how you may be feeling, you definitely don't deserve to go through this alone, and you are worthy of finding the right support to help you navigate everything you're going through.
