Hi @lemurien
It sounds like you're having a tough time with work. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
I understand the anxiety around unpredictable social situations and having a disability in the workplace. I also struggle with anxiety in unpredictable social situations. For instance, I have been applying for new jobs for the past 6 months and have since had 4 interviews. Now, I was fortunate enough to not have to go for an interview for my present job, however, since I had never been in an interview, I was crumbling inside. Each time the phone rang and it was an unknown number (not saved in my contacts), my stomach would drop, and my heart would instantly race. Similarly, when I had a scheduled job interview, I was unable to truly be myself as I felt pressured, anxious, and unprepared. Since I am still actively seeking a new job, I still have this experience today. It is something I am trying to learn to control. It is so common to feel the way we do and it is important to remember that we are only human.
Although it can be daunting to talk to your employer about your disability, it may very well help you adjust to your workplace. In my experience, being open and honest with my boss has relieved the pressure from management and this has made me less anxious going to work. I also can sometimes struggle with instructions if it's the first time I am doing something, so I require someone to go through it with me a few times before leaving me on my own. My employer has expressed to management that i require this extra support. This has also helped with my anxiety as I no longer stress about having to ask 10 times what the instructions were. Or freak out that I'm going to get in trouble for forgetting the instructions or doing that task wrong.
Perhaps you could have a discussion with your boss about maybe not having meetings. Instead, someone else can represent the company, however, you still manage the meeting, etc. You may be able to sort something out with your employer to best assist you with your disability in the workplace and relieve that unpredictable social anxiety. I think it's worth giving a shot.
Sending you love and light 🙏
