I just realised something, and it hurts, so I wanted to get it out. Literally my whole life, I have been making my friends' interests my whole personality somehow, and yet I can't think of a single instance when anyone has ever even tried to get into my own interests (well except my parents, which is nice, but that doesn't really count lol).
When I was little, one of my friends was really into spies, so that became my whole thing. My family got me spy kits and I would play that stuff at home and at school. Meanwhile I can remember not being all that into it.
Then in year 6 I met my current best friend (I'm sure there was stuff in between these two things but I don't remember), and first of all she got me into Matilda the Musical, I listened to it all the time, I saw it live, and yes it is a great musical, I still like it, but the fact is I kept asking her to read some books I really liked, and then later a show I really liked, but she never wanted to. I read the books she wanted me to read, I watched the shows and movies she wanted me to watch, Marvel became my special interest after she kept insisting I watch it, I bought FNaF so we could both play it even though I've never liked horror. But she has never once tried to get into any of my things.
Another friend was really into Hamilton, so that became my thing. I listened to the songs all the time, I got Disney+ just to watch it, I paid to see it live when it came by. But I never actually liked it that much. And of course that friend never got into my things, but then again they were just toxic in general lol
A more recent friend, I haven't yet had their interests become my personality, but I have gotten into them. I've tried getting into all of the ones they wanted me to get into, even though a lot of them didn't interest me at all. They said they couldn't watch the Umbrella Academy (my #1 special interest) because they didn't have Netflix, meanwhile I literally got a pirated version of one of their shows so I could watch it for them
Like these things act like special interests to me when in reality... I really don't know what I'm doing, but I don't like them that much (besides some of them, but majority is :/)
I'm tired of it. When are people going to start giving back in the same way? I don't want to ever get into someone else's interests again until they start doing it. Next time that person I mentioned last wants me to get into one of their things, I honestly just want to yell at them about this, but I know that's unhealthy. But just, I don't know... I'm tired and upset.
