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im so sorry to hear that you are struggling, I think it shows strength coming on here and expressing your worries. Online dating is never a walk in the park it's actually quite brutal sometimes, it is the definition of judging a book by its cover. breakups are always upsetting and can make life feel disappointinh and I think online dating can sometimes make it even worse. even though it's something that is suppose to help you get back out there. So I understand where you're coming from when you say it's a nightmare!
you sounds like an amazing person and you seem so brave! I think maybe focusing on yourself is key in this situation . Focusing on yourself can actually be a lot more satisfying then dating someone. Are there any particular ways that you like to practice self-care? Personally I like to get outside a bit more and play with my dog, and hang out with family but that's just me 🙂 everyone's definition of self care is different.