Feeling really down
It has been a long time since I have reached out here but I have just been feeling extremely distressed and flat and thought I would come here.
This kind of all starts back in April, the new friends that I made in my building on res at uni have been all getting along and everything has been going well…. Until one of the guys starts talking to a girl, this is all relatively innocent in which we all kinda joke around with him and what not. One night she comes over to his room and I happen to be around and say hello for a few minutes, however those minutes turn into hours and me and this girl get along really well. The day after she adds me on insta and add her back, she then dm’s me straight after and I knew I shouldn’t but I started talking to her behind this guys back, this lead to me then meeting with her behind his back and well start dating soon after.
Anyway I never told him about any of this, he eventually found out and was really pissed off (rightly so), he told all our other mutual friends what I did and they all basically cut me off and I didn’t speak to them for a couple months while still hanging out with her. I eventually realise the gravity of what I had done and had begun to realise what a bad choice this girl was considering what I lost so I ended up breaking things off with her.
I felt sick from guilt about how I treated this guy, who never did anything bad to me and it consumed me, he eventually found out how bad I felt and decided to accept my apology for it, and so did everyone else from what I thought up until now.
however, fast-forwarding until now I never really hear from them unless I happen to be in the same place, they don’t include me if they decide to go out, and they generally just tend to ignore me when in a group with them.
I feel like such a disgusting person even now for what I did to the guy and I wonder if they never really forgave me and it has been eating away at me so much, that I have ruined all chances of ever being friends with any of them because of my actions, and I feel I kind of deserve it and I just don’t know what to do! I haven’t made any friends really at uni and this was my first chance and I screwed it up and I don’t know what to do!