Hi Tallboi21,
As a fourth year uni student who made mistakes (of a different kind, but still broke trust) and did lose a friend my first year of uni, I can somewhat relate to what you are going through.
My honest opinion is I feel that I can understand how you feel and why your friends are treating you differently.
On one hand, it looks like you've broken your friends' trust in you and that they do not feel comfortable being that close to you anymore even after they have accepted your apology. I think although it is a bit harsh in some ways, it's understandable of them to do so. After all, trust really does take time to rebuild and sometimes it can't be rebuilt 😞 People also have different levels of tolerance.
On other hand, I can understand your feelings of self-disgust and guilt, and it's pretty distressing to have to keep living with those emotions 😞 I think perhaps you can bring it up to your friends, telling them how you're feeling. However, that may or may not change things with them. If things don't get better, I think it would be good for you to forgive yourself and acknowledge the mistake and lesson you've learnt. Everyone makes mistakes, especially considering how young you are! Some people will forgive you truly, but others may not, and sometimes unfortunately that's just how it is. In the end, it's more important to forgive yourself and keep growing as a person; I've made a mistake of looking at a friend's private messages out of curiosity and broke their trust and our friendship (there must have been something really really private they weren't ready to share). It was irreversible, and although they forgave me, we never interacted in the same way as before again. I learned my lesson, moved on, and ended making friends with multiple very interesting people.
I believe you will be ok! Hope this helped.
